Useless Trivia
by Species247
Summary: The Sacrilege of EVA continues at last. The Director's Cut is up and Chapter 7 is hours away. Just how will Mari and Asuka escape from Area-51? Tune in to find out! Adult Themes , OOC, Violence & Language...lots of bad language. (Bad Rei!)
1. Chapter 1: Radical Departures

I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it.

Before we get started, I just want to thank all those who've read the original version of Useless Trivia and hope that you enjoy this Director's Cut edition. As you probably know, I was never happy with the original version of Chapter One and planned to change it, but since I let the characters tell the story starting in Chapter Four, they've gone and blown holes in my plot and advanced the timetable in ways that make it necessary for some changes to be made before we get into the next few chapters.

Useless Trivia was originally conceived as a trilogy with the first part setting up the plot and introducing the characters before the real meat of the story kicked off in Book Two. But a number of things I was saving for the second book have ended up in the first and things that should have been made clear early in the story never were. So I find myself needing to revise things and add some necessary foreshadowing. Also added are some deleted scenes and others have been extended to include things I missed. Hopefully this won't be too painful.

And just for kicks I added something stupid at the end...hope it entertains.

Thank you for viewing my work and please review!

And now, let the madness begin:

**Useless Trivia (Director's Cut)**

**Episode 01: Radical Departures**

By Species247

/Outside Moscow, Russian Confederacy/

Ryouji Kaji was not a man who was prone to panic or misgivings. He had seen things in his thirty years that few men could imagine, was privy to secrets that would drive a godly man to despair, and had done things that would make many wish him dead. As a Chief Inspector for NERV Intelligence, it was his duty to investigate the strange and unnatural events that seemed to crop up in the aftermath of Second Impact with such regularity, a job that sent him to the far corners of the globe, poking his nose into all manner of incidents which might have some effect on the secret agenda of the SEELE Council or the shadowy Human Instrumentality Project. Like today, for instance.

The media had been quick to jump on the event, but so had the U.N., but then it's not like it could have been hidden all that much to begin with. After all, how does one hide that fact that there was an explosion a mere fifty kilometers outside Moscow that registered a 7.8 on the Richter Scale? Beside the fact that hundreds of people had been injured by the shockwave, that had leveled dozens of buildings in the older sections of the city, and left a mushroom cloud visible for nearly three hundred kilometers to boot? Fortunately no one was paying much attention to the few eye witness accounts that stated they had seen an explosion shaped like a cross. At least that was something.

NERV Moscow had not been seriously damaged in the blast, but they had immediately become suspicious of the event and called in the experts, which meant Kaji had been dispatched with all haste from Branch-5 in Great Britain to head up the investigation. Now he stood at the edge of a massive crater, looking down into the carnage and whistled to himself as he surveyed the area. Work crews scrambled to set up lights and excavation equipment as other members of Kaji's team descended into the crater to search for evidence. The tall Japanese special agent just shook his head with a sigh, his ponytail swishing from side-to-side as he looked down at what was lying at the bottom of the pit.

Looking back up at him was what appeared to be a giant helmet, the size of a small house, dented and burned from the heat, parts of it seemed to have been melted off. Kaji was not as surprised as most would have been, but the men from NERV Moscow had freaked when they saw it. The crater was in an area that had once been an iron mine back in the days of the Tzars, and later the communist regimes that followed, but it had been worked out by the mid-fifties and condemned. The area had been used for weapons testing up until Second Impact, and then finally abandoned. All available records indicated the area should be completely deserted.

But it was obvious that someone had turned the old mine into an underground base of some kind, the broken remains of structural supports, piping, and equipment visible in the crater made that obvious to even the most casual onlooker. The fact that there was also the severed head of an Evangelion lying in the pit narrowed the possible suspects somewhat.

Kaji pulled out his cell phone and hit the speed dial as he held it up to his unshaven face.

"It's me," he said to the voice at the other end, "It's confirmed. There was an Angel here," he paused as the other man spoke, "No. The guys from NERV Moscow were clueless. I don't think this facility had anything to do with us."

Considering how easy it would be to intercept his cellular signal and decrypt it, despite the 128-bit encryption key, Kaji wisely chose to fore go naming the suspect that he believed was behind the incident. He wasn't wrong in his suspicion either. They had left their calling card on the forehead of the dead EVA after all.

The symbol of the Seven Eyes of God.

**/This Is Only A Dream…/**

The streets of Tokyo-3 were deserted of people only a few short hours after the sun had set. The sirens had stopped wailing at noon, shortly after the population had finished scurrying into the hardened bunkers that promised safety from the devastation now being visited upon the city. A monster now prowled the urban landscape, bizarre cross-shaped explosions blossoming across the skyline as it sought a way down into the facility hidden beneath the metropolis.

A loud roaring crash drew its attention as a large section of the pavement opened to disgorge a giant purple and green warrior to do battle with the monster. The black monster stood and watched as the purple giant, its thick metal plating seeming to bend and throb like a living being came free of its restraints and took a halting step toward it.

"He's walking!" a woman exclaimed over the radio just before the giant purple robot tripped and fell flat on its face.

"Shinji! Get up, quick!" another female voice yelled as the black monster stomped over to the fallen warrior and grabbed its head in its left hand, "Move!"

"What's the status of his defense systems?"

"The systems are off-line! He has no weapons!"

"What!"

The monster lifted the limp form of Unit-01 and seemed to look it over for a moment before it grabbed the left arm of the Evangelion and began to twist and yank on it. After a few seconds the arm gave out with a sickening crunch of torn metal, broken bone, and tearing flesh. The young pilot screamed out in pain as he felt the horrible damage being done to the purple giant.

Then a glowing spear seemed to slide back out of the monster's elbow. The energy spear drew back from the Evangelion like an arrow in a bow before it suddenly slammed forward through the monster's forearm, through an opening in its palm, and stabbed into the right eye of Unit-01. Again and again the glowing spear slid back and snapped forward into the purple robot's head like a battering ram.

And like a thousand times before, the Evangelion was thrown back into a building as the energy blade finally burst through its head. Torrents of bright red blood began to erupt from the wound as the mighty robot's head sagged forward. As the nerve connections between machine and pilot began to fail, the young boy slumped forward in his seat as his vision faded to black….

"No! Shinji!" a dozen voices seemed to scream in unison as the dream faded, and the Sleeper awakened.

**/Sawada Residence/Northern Japan/**

A thousand kilometers north of the fortress city of Tokyo-3, a fourteen year old girl screamed as she bolted up in her bed, mercifully awakened from her nightmare. Clutching the covers tightly to her trembling body, she stared out the window at the half moon peeking out from a cloudy sky as she caught her breath. She waited a few minutes before rubbing the sleep from her eyes and climbing up off her futon as she turned on the lamp sitting on her desk. A quick look at the glowing green numerals on her alarm clock convinced her she would be getting no more sleep this night. Especially after that dream.

That dream. The girl crossed the room to her dresser and gazed into the mirror perched above it. The image she saw was a familiar one, but not the one she expected to see. An elfin face framed by short blue hair and red eyes gazed back at her.

The girl closed her eyes and shook her head to get rid of the ghostly apparition, hoping, praying that the image was not real. Opening her eyes again, she looked and found another face staring back at her in the mirror. It was the same face but the hair was long and dark, hanging loosely down her back instead of in its usual braid. The eyes were blue and rimmed with tears.

"Rei?" the concerned voice of an elderly man spoke from her bedroom door, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Sensei," the girl replied with a croak, her voice cracking from emotions she was still trying to fight down, "I just had another nightmare. I'm okay now."

"Good," he answered back, relief in his voice, "Good."

Rei Ayanami sighed as she listened to her teacher amble off down the hall to his room as she stared at her reflection. The old man could never understand her or what she had been going through for the five years she had been living with him. Only one person knew what demons haunted her dreams.

_The dreams are getting worse…_ His voice whispered in her head.

"Yes," Rei whispered in reply to the phantom.

The first year in her teacher's house had been difficult for her, but then the Voice began talking to her and she hadn't been so lonely. Then the dreams had begun.

Dreams of Angels. Dreams of Evangelion. Dreams of Shinji, Asuka, and a living doll named Rei.

"I am not a doll," the girl hissed at the mirror, daring her ghostly companion to comment.

For once the Voice remained silent.

**/Later that Day/**

_It has begun._

The voice echoed dully in her head, the voice of the man only she could hear. And the message was the one she come to dread for the past four years. She turned from her chores, the dishes suddenly forgotten in the sink, to look at the TV. The news report showed scenes of devastation in Russia, stock footage from the massive earthquake that had rocked the Moscow region the day before.

She cocked her head to the side in annoyance as she realized it was just more of the same old news. A new series of aftershocks had been reported to the east of the original disaster and more troops were being sent in to aid the Russians. She snorted in disgust at the false alarm.

"Will you stop it!" she hissed, "Its not time yet. Just an earthquake."

She smirked as she felt the presence within her bristle.

_The UN is censoring the reports._ the Voice whispered, _This is the being of the end. Sachiel has awakened_.

"Prove it." she growled back, "I say its just a natural disaster, you spaz."

_Tonight_, He mentally grinned, _Check the Internet. You will see_.

"Fine." she snorted, "If it means that much to you."

In his recliner in front of the TV, the teacher and guardian of one Rei Ayanami Ikari listened to what sounded like another one-sided conversation between the child and her imaginary friend. He sighed and reached for the bottle of sake, carefully refilling his glass and trying to ignore the young voice in the kitchen. At least he was getting paid well.

**/Later That Night/**

After all the chores and her homework were done, Rei logged on to the net and began sifting through various stories on the disaster in Russia. At first glance it all seemed pretty normal, but the Voice kept urging her to dig deeper.

"Are you satisfied yet?" she sighed three hours later.

_Yes_, the Voice replied, _The facts are all there in plain sight_.

"What are you babbling about?" Rei growled, "It's a big earthquake."

_In Moscow?_ he whispered.

"Why not?"

_Have you noticed that the nearest tectonic plate is three hundred kilometers away? Or that a quake of that magnitude would send aftershocks along the fault lines to north and south?_

Rei surfed to a geological website and pulled up maps of the Russian heartland. "You're right. There are no fault lines extending this far east." She tapped a few keys and zoomed in on the devastated region. "And the way these aftershocks are moving east…" she looked at her notes and plotted the various towns the news reports had said had been hit most recently, "The quakes _are_ moving east!"

_Not just moving,_ the Voice said sagely, _More like marching._

"Not very bloody fast." Rei glanced at her notes and then checked the map again, "Oh shit."

_Do you see it?_

"The troops," she hissed, "They're not sending them into the disaster area."

_Of course not,_ He laughed,_ You don't send Tank Brigades to aid disaster victims, you send Military Police and Medical units_.

"And you don't post units from western Europe a hundred klicks into Siberia!" Rei gasped as she realized where the massive troop movements were headed. "They're deploying them to intercept it."

_Yes. But they will fail…_

"Yes. Conventional weapons are useless against the Angels…" Rei whispered under her breath, the words spoken as a mantra, and one she had feared for years now. She began plotting new points on the map.

"Looks like the UN and Russian forces will make their stand here," she rested a finger on the computer screen, "Just north of Nizhniy Tagil, tomorrow? Then it will cut the Trans-Siberian Pipeline two days later, if it keeps moving at this speed." She tapped the screen and watched it shift right to left, a red line plotting out the march across Siberia, the Kamchatka Peninsula, and into the Sea of Japan. She closed her eyes with a heavy sigh as the line crossed the water and hit shore, two hundred sixty kilometers south of Tokyo-3, but she now had no doubts of its actual target. That the line missed was only due to a lack of data on her part, she knew.

"Sachiel is coming." she whispered in dread, an icy fist closing around her heart as she spoke the words and gave voice to her hidden fear. "The Angels are back. And all Hell is about to break loose."

_Too late_, the Voice giggled, _Way too late, my dear._

"Oh, shut up." Rei growled, "And stop pissing on my dramatic dialogue!"

_Is that what you call it?_

"Asshole!"

**/NERV HQ/Hakone Region, Japan**

It was a familiar scene to any fan of the anime as the Battle Staff of NERV stood at their positions on the Bridge to monitor data on the first of fifteen Angels they would be called upon to fight. The three Bridge Technicians sat at their consoles, Colonel Misato Katsuragi and Doctor Ritsuko Akagi stood on the deck behind them, and the two commanding officers watched it all from their perch on the Flag Bridge five meters above them.

"These data feeds we're getting from the UN forces are worthless!" Lieutenant Maya Ibuki screamed at her monitor as she watched the fuzzy images on the screen.

"Well, just be glad they're giving us something," blonde haired Dr. Ritsuko Akagi said as she looked up from her clipboard and glanced over at her young assistant, "According to the Charter they don't have to give us anything until they toss the ball in our court."

"Yes ma'am," the young technician replied sheepishly, "It just seems so pointless. Can't they see how useless it is to try and fight that thing?"

"The Security Council still thinks in terms of conventional and strategic combat forces," Colonel Misato Katsuragi growled into her coffee cup as she stood next to her friend Ritsuko, her long dark, purple-highlighted hair draped over her right shoulder, "And until they throw everything and the kitchen sink at it they won't realize that the Angel is something beyond their experience."

"Fools," Ritsuko whispered as she gazed over Maya's shoulder at the data scrolling down the screen.

"Well, that won't last for much longer," Lt. Makoto Hyuga, the spectacled male technician, said looking up from his console, "Once the Angel defeats the army they assembled in Russia they'll have no choice but to defer to us."

"Maybe," Lt. Shigeru Aoba, Hyuga's long-haired counter-part, offered from his position, "But that won't be much help for the poor bastards that thing is going to stomp on tomorrow."

"You'd think they would have gotten a clue when it tap-danced over the six divisions the Russians were able to scramble into action defending Teykovo yesterday." Misato grunted as she glanced at the data on Hyuga's screen. "I have to admit they managed to assemble a rather impressive little army out there."

"I'll say," Makoto smiled, looking up at her, "Four Russian Tank Armies, an American Corps of armor, the German Second Army, and fifteen divisions from China."

"Plus a grab bag of regiments and brigades from sixteen other UN member nations, on top of the six hundred attack jets they got out there," Shigeru whistled in wonder, "That Angel is walking right into the middle of World War Three."

"I doubt it will matter," Ritsuko sighed, "All those forces will do is act as a speed bump to the Angel."

"If that," Misato grunted, "And then they will start tossing N2 mines at it once it kills all the soldiers."

"They're all going to die, aren't they?" Maya whispered.

"Yes, a futile gesture," the blonde scientist grunted and then turned to head to the coffee pot, "But they might actually buy us some time."

"We're going to need it." Shigeru Aoba muttered.

Misato let her gaze sweep over the bridge as three technicians focused back to their duties. The mood was grim, as well it should be she mused. Everything depended on them, and they weren't ready yet. But the UN might just get lucky in the battle tomorrow.

"Yeah, and pigs might learn to fly." she growled into her coffee cup.

**/A Few Meters Above/**

"The UN has chosen its ground wisely, but…" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said as he gazed down at the holographic display that made up the main floor of the massive Command Center.

"A futile gesture." Commander Ikari whispered as he leaned forward and assumed the contemplative and slightly intimidating posture the command crew had long since dubbed as the 'Gendo Position'.

"It would be wise for them to stand down and shift responsibility to us," the older man began in the strong, wise tone that he had perfected in over three decades of teaching, "But the UN does have a duty to perform."

"And it would not do for them to show weakness at a time like this." Gendo whispered.

"They will not give up their position of leadership so easily," the former professor nodded, "A shame, really. They waste lives that need not be lost."

"Indeed."

"And so we can expect a D-12 declaration in twenty-four hours or so," Fuyutsuki sighed. "They will expect us to respond in a show of force."

"What the Council wants does not concern me," the Commander said as he stood and turned to leave the bridge, "We will not throw away our advantage by dispatching an EVA to Russia."

"So we will proceed as planned?" Kozo smirked, "The old men on the Council will not be pleased."

Gendo stopped at the lift doors and looked back at his executive officer, the two sharing a brief smile, "The scenario will proceed as planned."

"And what of Rei?" the older man queried his former pupil.

Gendo looked away, swallowing hard at the lump that suddenly formed in his throat, "We don't need to involve her just yet."

Kozo Fuyutsuki sighed as the doors closed behind the Commander and he turned back to gaze out over the activity on the lower bridge. "You can't hide her forever Ikari," he whispered to himself, "She's too much like her mother."

**/Same Place, Different Day/**

The next day found the Command Center fully manned as the NERV Command Staff assembled to monitor the battle soon to erupt on the Russian plains. Many of the technicians and department heads gasped as they got their first look at the enemy. As the appointed hour arrived, silence fell over the bridge as the assembled group watched in horror as the UN forces threw themselves into battle against the Angel.

Thousands died in vain as the battle stretched across fifty kilometers and lasted six hours. The men and women of NERV watched the spectacle, first with hope, then with growing sorrow and trepidation. In those six hours, any confusion over the necessity of their powerful organization were swept away and many swore oaths to avenge those who gave their lives that day.

The final hope, that the power of an N2 mine might succeed where brute force had failed, came at last. Another hour passed in silence as six of the most powerful explosive devices in the world were dropped on the target, singly at first, then two, and finally in a last desperate gamble using three N2 mines at once. At last the UN admitted defeat and withdrew what little remained of its forces and watched powerlessly as the Angel, damaged but only slowed down, continued on its relentless march into the Siberian hinterlands.

As the battle finally sputtered to a close, the assembled staff began to break up, some heading to conference rooms, others to laboratories. When the long expected D-12 Declaration finally arrived from the UN Security Council, only the Commanders, Dr. Akagi, Colonel Katsuragi, and the three primary bridge technicians remained on the bridge. The message was typically long-winded in the manner of all bureaucratic documents, but the final result was still the same: NERV was given Executive Authority to combat the threat of the Angels.

It was a declaration of war. The Angel War had begun.

**/Sawada Residence/**

_We cannot delay any longer the, _Voice whispered in the back of her head.

"I know that!" Rei growled in reply, "But I'm supposed to wait for the Commander to send for me, or have you forgotten?"

_We could go by the book_, the Voice teased, _But you'd look silly in a boy's plug suit_.

"Shut up!" Rei snarled as she grasped her braid and tugged hard on it a couple times, "Do you have any idea how much I hate you?"

_Words cannot adequately quantify the depth of your animosity to my presence._ came the reply in a soft and largely emotionless monotone that sent chills up the girl's neck.

"Don't ever speak to me in that tone of voice ever again!" she snarled, "You got that, Wonderboy?"

_Of course, My Dear._ came the melodious reply.

"I am _not_ a doll, got it?"

Rei sat down before her computer once more and made one last sweep of the three websites she had managed to get the best information from. She sighed as she noticed a whole new batch of D-17 Evacuation notices that had been posted within the last hour for a one hundred kilometer wide corridor across the entire Siberian landmass. The news still claimed the disaster was an earthquake, but the new D-17's were being blamed on damage to the Trans-Siberian Pipeline and a creative mix of other threats.

The last site she checked was not a Russian site, but one in Japan, and this one confirmed her worst fear. The city of Tokyo-3 was beginning a series of civil-defense drills and the city's main employer, NERV, had canceled all leaves and vacations for its employees. Then Rei noticed that the Prime Minister of Japan had scheduled a sudden visit to the city and rumors hinted that there would be a major announcement concerning the quasi-military research organization by the end of the week.

Rei logged off the net and shut off her computer with a heavy sigh. She closed her eyes and played a jumbled collage of half-remembered battles against the massive creatures called the Angels. The memories were not truly hers, but a gift from the unwanted Voice in her mind. It was the collective story that in another place and time was known as Neon Genesis Evangelion, or more specifically, the Canon. A hundred variations of the main story were also hers to recall, each based on a different fan fiction, each and every one a dream sent to her over the past four years by the presence of the Voice.

Rei sighed as one of the few memories she could truly call her own sprang briefly into focus. It was one of the few she could remember of the last three months she lived with her father in Tokyo-3, right before he sent her away. She had happy then, she had her father's love, all was right in the world. But then he had abandoned her and sent her here to live with Mr. Sawada, a distant relative on her father's side. And despite everything, she could not remember anything from before those happy three months. Mr. Sawada called it Disassociate Amnesia due to abandonment issues. Rei called it bullshit. Either way, it brought up the fact that her life experiences were largely limited to just what she could remember of the last five years.

And there was nothing in her collective knowledge to properly guide her now. She was not the same emotionless girl that was fated to die fighting the sixteenth Angel. She had never been to Terminal Dogma. She had never tasted the foul substance known as LCL. She was not the critical component in the Dummy Plug System. Rei Ayanami Ikari was not a doll.

She wasn't an Evangelion pilot either. She was just a normal Japanese schoolgirl who had been abandoned by her father and sent to live with a distant relative after her mother had died in a freak lab accident. She was living out the role of Shinji Ikari, the so-called hero of the Evangelion story. Of course, unlike Shinji, she had some idea of what was in store for her.

Her collective memory suggested that she could simply follow the plot she was familiar with, make small changes here and there, and everything would work out in the end. She could avoid Third Impact. It would be so easy. If she were Shinji Ikari.

Rei stood up and walked over to her dresser and looked into the mirror. The face was familiar, the only major difference was the length of her hair. Soft brown tresses, not blue, framed her elfin face, but she had long ago let it grow out to hang down to the small of her back. She preferred to wear it in a single thick braid, often letting it hang over her right shoulder, and had developed the unconscious habit of playing with her braid when her mind wandered, and pulling on it when she was frustrated.

Her blue eyes and dark brown hair accented the healthy color of her skin, so different from the albino coloration she always feared she would see reflected back at her. The dreams had haunted her sleep for so long now that confirming her identity in the mirror had also become a thrice daily ritual. The fear that she had somehow been transformed into the blue-haired half-angel of the EVA chronicles was one that she fought hard to dispel nearly every chance she got.

_Still human?_ the Voice chuckled softly in her mind.

"No thanks to you," she whispered in reply, "If I wasn't sure I was already completely insane, you would be enough to finish the job."

_Don't worry_, He reassured her, _You are the sanest person I know, Rei._

"Thanks," she said as she moved to sit on her bed, "I think."

_Once, I might have thought you the Doll_, His soft voice raising the hairs on her neck,_ But that time is well past. And anyone who might think you were, would have second thoughts the moment you opened your mouth to speak_.

"Oh, Fuck off!" she snapped in reply.

_My point precisely!_

Rei flopped back and threw an arm over her face with a grunt. Even after four years of sharing space in her head with a rabid EVA fanboy, and a FanFic writer to boot, she still had problems dealing with him. Just knowing that he was there in her head was enough to drive her out of her mind, especially if she thought he was trying to sneak peeks at her or was trying to access her secret fantasies. In a way, having a permanent resident in her mind had prompted her to develop a high degree of mental discipline and focus, perhaps the only major similarity she admitted she might have with the Doll.

As she thought about it, she couldn't help but smile at a few memories that floated up from the depths of her mind. The first few months she had to deal with the Voice had been a difficult period of learning to guard her thoughts and keeping a firm grip on her sanity. In time she had learned to feel when He was present, and when He was trying to do something naughty inside her head. But time had given her lessons that had made life easier for her as well.

Just to keep in practice, Rei let her thoughts drift for a moment, her mind slowly focusing on the presence in her head. He was drifting in the void she had come to calling her gray matter, an area that held little interest beyond the fact that it was a calm and quiet area of the mind, a perfect place for Him to sit and rest, but close enough to the "Surface" that both were able to communicate. She smiled as she realized that He was not yet aware that she was stalking him. That changed the moment He felt the shift in her mood.

_Oh shit…_ He groaned as He "looked up" and noticed her mental avatar looming over his psychic self.

SMACK!

Rei laughed out loud as He went sprawling from the impact of her mental slap.

_That was uncalled for Darling._

"Yeah," she giggled, "But it sure felt good!"

_Fine. I know when I'm not wanted._

Rei waited a few minutes to make sure His presence had really moved out of her head and away from her "Train of Thought" before she let her mind drift toward heavy thoughts. While He could occasionally be of help with certain issues, knowing that He was constantly looking over her shoulder made it difficult to live in any way approaching a normal life. It really made her self-conscious in the shower, and in the locker room at school.

Rei closed her eyes and let her mind drift over a variety of scenarios. She could wait for the letter that the Commander, the only title she referred to her father by these days, would surely send in the next few days. While that was the option she was expected to take, Rei knew that to do so meant that she would no sooner arrive in Tokyo-3 then be thrown into combat against the Third Angel. This scenario scared her more than she cared to admit as it left everything to chance. Rei had no illusions that she might be a better natural pilot than Shinji, she would rate herself as hopeless in the piloting category if asked.

Another option, and the one favored by her psychic co-conspirator, was to jump-start the game by going to Tokyo-3 now, without waiting to be summoned, and demand training. Rei wasn't so sure about this option, but it might give her a better chance of survival if she really did get the training her blue-haired counter-part would have had by now. But this option also meant seeking a meeting with her father sooner than she wanted, a gut wrenching prospect no matter when it happened.

As Rei thought more about the events she was being drawn into, she realized that no other options really existed at this point. Not unless she wanted to run away. And that wasn't really an option at all.

Rei wrestled with her problem for a time before she finally opened her eyes and rolled over on the bed. A quick glance at the clock on her nightstand showed that half the night had passed and dawn was only a few short hours away. With little hope to get any useful sleep, Rei sat up and made her decision.

**/NERV HQ/Next Day/**

"Are we ready?" Ritsuko said as she noticed the figure entering her office.

"Yes ma'am," Maya replied as she set a small stack of folders on the desk, "Unit-00 is standing by in the Fourth Cage and Chief Watanabe says his crew are ready for tomorrow."

"Then I guess we better get out of here and get some rest for the big event," the fake blonde said as she finished off her coffee and rose from her chair.

"Its hard to believe we're actually going to do our first full activation test tomorrow," Maya said with a bit of wonderment in her voice, "Its amazing, really."

"Yes, it is. But we would have done it soon enough in any case," the scientist smiled at her young assistant, "One can't stand in the way of progress."

"Still..." Maya sighed, "You don't think we're moving too fast. Do you?"

"We have no choice, you know that," Ritsuko said off-hand as they left the office and headed for the lift that would take them up to the Geofront, "If we are to have any chance of defeating that Angel then we need to make sure we have a fully combat ready EVA."

"Do you really think we can beat it?" Maya whispered.

"Well, its not really in our hands," Ritsuko sighed as they reached the lift and she hit the Call button, "Once we activate and launch, its all in the hands of the pilot."

"Do you think he's up to it? I mean…" Maya stammered as her thoughts moved to their pilot.

Ritsuko stepped into the elevator as the doors opened, chewing over her answer as the younger woman joined her. "I know you have doubts about the First Child, and you're not the only one. But he has been training for this for five years now."

"We could transfer Unit-02." Maya offered.

"Yes, and the Commanders have explored that option," Ritsuko grinned, "But the weather over central Europe isn't working in our favor at the moment. Our options really are limited for now."

"So its all up to Unit-00 and the First Child then."

"Yes," Dr. Akagi grimaced a bit, "At least until the Marduk Institute locates the Third Child and we can safely activate Unit-01."

"I just wish they would hurry up and find him," short-haired young woman blurted out, then drew back in shame at her breach of etiquette, "I mean, it would be better if we had more pilots when we finally have to fight the Angels."

"Oh, I agree Maya," the blond smiled to put her young assistant at ease, "As it is, having just the two pilots available is going to make things difficult enough as it is. Once we get Unit-02 transferred here we will still be skirting the edge. There is no telling how nasty the Angels will really be."

"I just hope the new pilots have more personality than a zucchini," Maya whispered wistfully as the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

"Me too!" Ritsuko chuckled as they left the car and headed out of the lobby into the Geofront.

"Have a good night Ma'am," Maya smiled sheepishly and moved off toward the train station that would take her up to Tokyo-3 and her small apartment.

"Good night Maya," Ritsuko whispered to her departing protege as she began walking to meet her date for the evening.

As the two parted ways, Ritsuko began to contemplate her concern over the First Child and his ability to pilot EVA. As the head of E-Project, she had access to a great many secrets. She hoped the First Child would become a good pilot given time. But the Angels seemed determined not to allow them that time.

One secret that haunted her thoughts was the fact that the Third Angel had not appeared at the appointed time or place as written in the Dead Sea Scrolls, a fact that had many people concerned. Commander Ikari had already spent the better part of two days in meetings with the SEELE Council discussing that fact. He had spent hours going over various parts of the Dead Sea Scrolls and other ancient texts trying to determine how these developments would affect the scenario and consulted with her on several aspects of the plan which it now seemed had failed to survive long enough to see first contact with the enemy. Of course, the definition of first contact was open to debate, and Ritsuko was well aware that there had already been a number of major engagements in this war long before the Third Angel awakened. The horror of one battle that waged five years ago stilled haunted her and the one she loved.

But the biggest secret she carried that night, one she was forced to keep hidden even from her friends and colleagues, hurt her the most. It was a very simple and, to many minds, an insignificant fact. The Third Child had already been located several months ago. In fact, Ritsuko had known for several years now who that person would be. And that knowledge ate at her every day.

But now wasn't the time to recycle those thoughts. Doctor Ritsuko Akagi had enough on her mind and on her schedule now that the Angels had begun their assault without wallowing in old regrets. Tonight was one of the few that she might have to enjoy her life for the next few months as the battle to protect mankind raged in the streets of the city above, and she had every intention of making it a good one.

A smile crept to her lips as she neared the benches at the north end of the Pyramid Lake and she saw that her lover was already there waiting for her.

One thing never changed, the man was as punctual as ever.

**/Sawada Residence/Later That Night/**

Rei sat in silence, listening patiently for any indication that her guardian was still awake. It had been an agonizing hour, waiting in the dark by the door to her room, waiting to make sure she could slip away without alerting the old man to her plan. She grinned in the darkness at the thought of the note she had left on her desk, a ploy really, indicating only that she had left early for school and hopefully enough to buy her a few extra hours to make a clean getaway.

_Excited?_

Rei almost giggled as she nodded her head in reply.

_Then let's get this show on the road!_ the Voice laughed.

Quiet as a ghost, Rei grabbed her backpack and suit case before gliding out the door and through the empty house. She mentally thanked Him for the advice, given weeks earlier, that she memorize the layout of the house so she could move around in the darkness. That advice was not absolutely necessary tonight as the light from a full moon coming in the windows greatly aided her efforts at swiftly navigating from room to room. In a few short minutes she was at the front door and out of the house.

She stopped short as she reached the street, realizing at last that she had been holding her breath as she made her escape. Crouching in a deep shadow, Rei took a few minutes to catch her breath as she took in her surroundings and listened for any sign that others were out who might detect her.

_How do you feel?_ He whispered from somewhere near her left ear.

"Like I'm about to pee my pants!" came her whispered reply, and she nearly giggled a moment later when she realized what she had said.

_Welcome to the world of covert military operations, Darling._

"I thought you were in the Navy?" she giggled quietly.

_I was,_ He replied, _And like they used to say; 'Not just a job, but an adventure'_.

"Never heard that one," Rei whispered as she stood back up and began to slip from shadow to shadow toward town.

_Before your time,_ He sighed, _Long before your time._

They passed the next few minutes in silence as Rei moved away from her former residence as quickly as she could, avoiding houses and people as best she could. After they had gone half a kilometer, He finally advised her to stop trying to become a ninja as the people were becoming greater in number as they got closer to the center of town. That and He figured that she would just draw attention to herself if she kept it up.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" Rei asked under her breath as she walked out on to the main street.

_Yeah, I'm sure_, He sighed in reply, _The first battle is always the worst, but we can't avoid it. Better that we take any advantage we can get. Especially since…._

"I might not be able to make the EVA go berserk," she finished, "Alright then."

Minutes passed in silence as Rei made her way toward the bus station. Numerous inquiries over the internet had assured that she carried the necessary money for the trip, a precaution He had insisted on that Rei now realized insured she had no reasonable argument to use if she decided to back out. Doubt began to nibble away at her resolve the closer she got to the station, but her feet continued to move forward until finally she came to the main entrance.

_Scared?_

"I won't run away," Rei said with a conviction she wasn't sure she really possessed.

_Alright, next stop; Tokyo-3!_ He exclaimed.

"Yippie kie-yah," Rei grunted and walked into the station.

**/SEELE Council Chamber/**

Gendo Ikari sat in a dark chamber at the foot of a conference table as the images of the four members of the SEELE Council that separated him from Lorentz Keele at the head of the table continued their endless debate.

"Ikari," a thin, man with round spectacles droned on, "Are you certain NERV will be able to use EVA effectively against this Angel? Can you justify your confidence despite the fact this Angel does not conform to the descriptions given to us in the Dead Sea Scrolls?"

"That is the reason NERV exists," Gendo replied as he folded his hands together in front of his face, "We anticipated that some deviations from the scenario might occur. We can weather this storm."

"Are you leading us to believe that additional deviations will occur?" the fat man to Gendo's left said.

"That is a reasonable assumption," he replied, "As this council is aware, we have encountered other anomalies in our translation of the Scrolls. As long as NERV can successfully engage the Angels, we can make the necessary adjustments."

"So we must depend on you then?" a third man on the right asked.

"The Angels are reacting to advances being made in the Human Completion Project," Gendo replied, "As that Project progresses ahead of schedule, the Angels are not bound by the prophecies. Unless you can alter that fact, then yes. NERV is the only hope."

"We have already entrusted you with too much power, Ikari." the thin man hissed, "We will not give you Adam as well. We will bring Adam home once the Project is complete."

"It seems," Keele finally spoke, "That perhaps it is time we bring in the Third Child."

Gendo stiffened in his seat.

"If the Angels are no longer bound by the Scrolls, then we will need to strengthen our position and balance the playing field."

The thin man nodded his head, "Yes, bring Units 01 and 03 online."

The fat man looked across the table to the fourth, balding American, "What is the status of the Units in America?"

"Unit-03 is undergoing systems tests and final upgrades. It could be ready for deployment in a month or so," he sighed, "But Unit-04 is still far behind schedule. It is still suffering unexplained necrosis in the third stage organs."

"Very well," Keel rubbed his temples around his visor, "We'll see that Unit-03 transfers to Tokyo-3 once it finishes the upgrades." He looked up at Gendo, "I trust you will have no problems choosing the Third and Fourth Children?"

"I can have the Third Child brought in right after the Unit-00 Activation Test today," Gendo sweated, "The Fourth Child will be chosen by the time we receive Unit-03."

"Good," the thin man grinned, "The rest of the meeting does not concern you."

The four men faded away in the darkness to leave only Keele facing Commander Ikari.

"Ikari. You know there is no going back," he said before fading away as well.

"Yes," the Commander whispered to the darkness, "Mankind has no time left." Gendo rose and walked to the door, stopping to look back into the darkened room, "It is as it was before. You have set your plans in motion, despite your claims to the contrary. Like those before, you choose to rewrite history to suit your needs, rather than learn from it. You idiots never learn…"

**/NERV HQ/Yet Another Day/**

"The First Child has entered the Fourth Cage," a perky female voice echoed over the intercom, "All personnel are in position for Unit-00 Activation Test."

"Well," Ritsuko muttered as she moved up behind Maya's seat, "Here goes nothing."

"Famous last words," Misato snorted as she looked out over the Command Center floor.

"Begin the Evangelion Activation Test," came the Commander's voice from above them.

"Everyone cross your fingers," a gloomy Hyuga muttered from his station.

"Insert the Entry Plug and stand by for First Stage connections," Ritsuko said to get them all focused.

And the test began.

**/Sawada Residence/**

The old man looked out the kitchen window as he held the phone in his hand. He knew what his duty was, but fear of reporting his failure made him hesitate. If only he'd realized what he was getting into twenty years ago when Ikari first showed him the Truth, he probably would have eaten a bullet, but now…. The girl had played him for a fool, no doubt there. The note she had left on the kitchen table should have tipped him off, but instead had sent him off on a wild-goose chase when the school called to tell him she was marked as absent. It wasn't until he had wasted several hours out looking for her that he checked her room to discover her bags and most of her clothes missing that he realized the truth.

Rei Ayanami had run away.

The old man had spent an hour drinking and pondering her reasons for leaving. He had tried to recall any memory that might offer a clue. He had been so careful, but had he made a slip somewhere? Had he said or did anything to arouse the girl's suspicion? Had any of his secret meetings been seen? But no insights had been forthcoming.

Slowly he reset the phone in its receiver and knelt at the low table. He reached for the bottle of sake sitting there and poured another cup. He could not delay his report for long, but he could wait until he was good and drunk to do it. And if Gendo Ikari didn't like it, that was too bad.

The bastard should have known the old man wasn't good with children. After all, look how well he turned out!

**/Outside Old Tokyo/**

Rei leaned back in her seat and watched the scenery as the bus sped along the New Coast Highway. Here and there buildings poked up out of the water that covered the outlying district of what was once the old city of Tokyo. Her thoughts drifted haphazardly as she wondered what she would find in Tokyo-3. She glanced down at her watch, noting that she still had several hours before reaching her destination.

_You really should try and get some sleep._ the Voice said for the tenth time.

Rei didn't reply, her thoughts in turmoil as they constantly returned to the same place; the inescapable reunion with her father. Gendo Ikari, Commander of NERV.

In time the thoughts began to quiet and her eyes began to slide closed. And for a short couple of hours, Rei Ayanami slept, her destiny on hold.

**/Elsewhere/**

_It begins? The time is too soon, what are those idiots thinking? I suppose it matters not. The game has begun again. And this time I shall not fail._

—

To Be Continued…

**Author's Notes: **As I said before, this story needed some extra details added in early in order to have it make sense later when the Big Reveal happens. As much as I wanted to do a complete rewrite of the chapter, I also realized how much I hate it when other authors go and do the same thing, making the story something entirely different in the process. So instead I just added back in a couple of previously deleted scenes, padded a few scenes with extra dialogue and slipped a few oblique references of things to come. Hopefully it was enough. And now to top it all off, I present an Omake that came to mind as I was celebrating the completion of chapter five. I thought about posting it as a stand-alone one-shot, but didn't think it would fly on it's own, so here it is in all it's glory. Hope you enjoy.

**Useless Confessions (The True Story Behind The Story/Or Something Stupid Like That)**

It began, as most things do, because of a girl. She wasn't just any girl, of course. She was 'The One'. The kind that explodes into your life like the Third Impact, makes herself at home, turns your life upside down, gets bored and walks out one day, never to be seen or heard from again. And once she's gone, you're never the same again. She was living proof that God is in His Heaven...and you know the rest.

Life losses some of its meaning once she's gone. You barely remember the girls who came before her, and God help the ones who follow because you'll always compare them against her and feel cheated. And let's face it, once you've spent so much as one night with the 'The One', second best just won't cut it. Sure, you'll still do Lil' Miss Second Best, along with her mom, sisters and ten best friends. But you'll still kick the whole lot of them out of bed and change your religion for just one more night with 'The One'.

I only mention this because Species247 lived with 'The One' for an entire year. A year that changed his life forever (trust me on this, he won't stop talking about it). Her name was Pulse. Why Pulse, you ask? Because she still had one (trust me, she loved that joke).

Pulse was not her real name of course, but rather the nom de plume she had used for the last few years in the pursuit of a career few parents would wish upon their daughters. In technical terms, it was her Stage Name. You see, Pulse was a Stripper.

Most of you are probably rolling your eyes and saying to yourselves, 'Oh, it's one of those stories…'.

Well, yes. And no.

I only bring this up because, well, if anyone is to blame for the creation of the FanFic story known as Useless Trivia, she's 'The One' (pun intended). I'm pretty sure she'd like all the credit as well. That's assuming, of course, that people actually like the story, it wins some kind of award, becomes an internet classic, generates ten million hits and gets bought by Gainax and turned into an HBO live action series.

Not that the author is holding his breath. It's just that he's pretty sure she'd kick his ass if she found out that he'd made money off something that was technically her idea to begin with. No, she did not create Neon Genesis Evangelion (nice thought though), she just came up with an idea for a FanFic based on it. Sort of.

You see, during the year 'The One' spent with said author wrapped around her little finger (good times), they shared a lot of things together. The most important ones (to this story at least) were a love of anime, beer, sex and a good fight. Because let's face it, if you don't argue over the finer points of an anime, then you can't really call yourself a fan, can you? And nothing beats sex.

Fortunately for Species247, the wrath of Pulse was usually directed at FanFic authors, who in her opinion, SUCKED. The thing that really set her off was, as most people can probably understand, the dreaded Self-Insert and Original Character stories. The girl had some kind of sixth sense when it came to homing in on a Mary Sue or an SI with delusions of grandeur. She hated them with a passion and flamed each one she found mercilessly until she was kicked off a site (or the author faded into obscurity). But, just for the record, she did find a couple she actually liked.

As anyone who has ever been in a relationship can attest, there will be arguments and other rough spots. Pulse and Species247 had plenty. The only one that matters to this story involved FanFics. Evangelion based FanFics in particular. And a rather infamous one at that, one so infamous that 90% of you probably can guess which one with only a small clue. Here's a hint; the main character (Gary Stue/OC/SI/all of the above) has been killed, maimed and tortured by more FanFic authors than even Gendo Ikari. Yeah, that one.

The argument raged for about a week before a resolution of sorts was reached. Actually, it was more of a challenge to put up or shut up. Species247, eager for some Make Up Sex, put up.

The challenge? Write a good Evangelion story involving both an Original Character and a Self-Insert. Sounds simple enough, right? Then why do so many stories of that nature prove otherwise?

"The One', in her infinite wisdom, forced our hero to prove he was capable of meeting her challenge before she gave it up, however. You can guess what happened next. Like any good and horny, red-blooded American male with a choice between Make Up Nookie and no nookie at all (with 'The One'), the poor fool said the first thing that popped into his head.

While the exact words he said that night have been lost in the mists of time, it probably sounded something like; "I'll make it so everything the guy knows about Evangelion is just Useless Trivia!", or something like that. Then he realized what he'd done and nearly choked to death on his own tongue. Luckily for him, she bought it. Too bad that meant they spent the next few hours talking about how he was going to do it. Precious hours that cut into their nookie time.

Before you ask, hell yes, it was some incredible nookie.

But the story doesn't end there. It all began because of a girl. It might have ended with some incredible sex. Unfortunately, as some of you may know, great sex sometimes results in long term complications. You see, our hero became a daddy that night.

Yup. As a result of a night of mind-blowing, hot, wet, sweaty, stuck to the wall kind of sex, Species247 got a bouncing baby girl out of the deal. And the poor fool's been paying for it ever since. Why? Because, dear reader, as you might remember, Pulse left him. And of course, she stuck him with the Child.

Some of you can sympathize with the guy. It's never easy for a single parent, especially when the kid is bound and determined to grow up to be just like her hellcat of a mother. Not quite a carbon copy, thank God, but close enough that her dear old dad lives in fear of the day she changes her name to Star and brags about how many dollar bills she can fit into her G-string.

Now you're probably wondering what in the hell does their love Child have to do with anything!? Glad you asked (or this whole story would be pointless). You see, the birth of this Child was all part of the Scenario. They named her Ai…

You might know her better as Rei Ayanami Ikari, Useless Trivia's very own foul-mouthed Third Child (in accordance with Marduk Report Ver.3.78 with Appendices in blah-blah-blah…). Yeah, her. Ai-Chan, as in Rei A.I., get it? Good. Moving on.

So, what's the point, you ask?

The point is, Gendo is the Man! No, really! Species247 feels your pain, dude. If he been stiffed with a whiny brat like Shinji, he'd have walked out too. Besides, Ai-Chan (or Rei in Gendo's case) is cute and reminds the author of the love he lost. Like the Man said, "She's all I have left, Kozo,". And as any man who has been lucky enough to spend at least one night with 'The One' will tell you; Third Impact is a small price to pay for even one more night.

The only problem is, Ai-Chan is too much like her mother. Unlike Shinji, Ai would kick his ass long before he could pull the trigger on the world. Of course, it wouldn't stop him from trying.

I think I was trying to make a point with all of this (or was it a moral?).

Oh yeah, something about a girl (or was it a three-some? I forget...).

Oh, that's right; A guy got horny. A girl offered him some if he made a fool of himself on the internet. He did it. They did it. And he's still paying for it.

And yeah, it was totally worth it.

There you have it. Scientific proof that God is in His Heaven, and...you know the rest.

—The End—

Preview!

Don't miss the next exciting chapter, Episode 02: Bitter Reunions as we attempt to activate Unit-00, Rei hits Tokyo-3, Gendo learns his child is MIA, Rei invades NERV, and we witness the drama and tear filled reunion of a father and his daughter. Maybe. Well, maybe not the tears part. Who knows?


	2. Chapter 2: Bitter Reunions

I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it...some of its even good (and the rest is hentai, which is even better).

**A Note From The Author:** Here we go with another rewrite. Not much to fix in this one, just cleaning up some grammar, making sure I have every one's name and ranks straight, and a few extended scenes.

**USELESS TRIVIA (Director's Cut)**

**Episode 02: Bitter Reunions**

By Species247

**/NERV HQ/**

Things were not going well on the Bridge.

"What's happening?!" Ritsuko yelled as sirens wailed and red warning signs popped up all over the Command Center.

"The EVA is rejecting the signal!" replied Maya Ibuki as she frantically typed away at her keyboard, "The nerve impulses are flowing backward!"

"Abort the test! Eject the power coupling!" the blonde scientist exclaimed.

"Pilot psycho-graph is fluctuating!" Hyuga added from his station.

"Forty seconds of active power remaining in the EVA." Aoba reported as the massive extension cord came crashing to the floor of the Cage.

"Oh SHIT!" Hyuga screamed suddenly, " Its ejecting the Entry Plug!"

Five meters above the chaos erupting on the lower bridge, Gendo Ikari sat watching as Unit-00, the one and only hope of the human race, went berserk, injured its pilot, and took a collective dump on the scenario. To say that he was furious would be an understatement. But one could not tell this by looking at him.

On the bridge floor below him, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi looked up at him, horror etched across her face as she finally came to realize the depth of the failure occurring in the confines of the Fourth Test Cage. The Commander gazed back at her with a blank expression, his eyes emotionless and offering her no indication of sympathy, anger, or admonishment. The woman swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and turned back to the bridge crew, commands flowing from her lips in a rush as she struggled to come to grips with the tragedy unfolding around her.

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki stood impassive slightly behind and to the right of Ikari, shoulders slumping as he felt the weight of the world settle on them. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh as he struggled to hold back his emotions in the aftermath of the epic failure.

And thru it all, Gendo sat in quiet contemplation, his thoughts at war with a realization he had hoped to put off indefinitely. Long minutes passed as the chaos came under control and the shouting quieted to a dull roar. Finally he pushed his seat back and stood.

The gesture went largely unnoticed on the bridge, but Misato and Ritsuko both caught a glimpse of the movement and turned their heads to look up. Perhaps they hoped for some great revelation, some silver lining to the disaster that had just occurred in the Fourth Cage. But neither were prepared for the words they heard spill from the Commander's lips in a voice that barely reached their ears.

"Send for the Third."

Then they watched in stunned silence as he turned and left the bridge, leaving even Kozo Fuyutsuki with his mouth hanging open in shock. But it was a command that would be followed, despite the fact that no one had any clue how futile their efforts would be.

**/Meanwhile, not far enough away…/**

Rei blinked, stretched her arms over her head and yawned long and hard as she awoke. A quick look around let her know her journey would soon be at an end as the semi-familiar skyline of Tokyo-3 could be seen everywhere she looked. The squared off skyscrapers and concave shapes of solar collection towers were hard to confuse with any other city the young girl could think of. She raised a hand to rub away the sleep from her eyes as the bus slowly wound its way thru the crowded streets. The girl's head swiveled back and forth as she strained to find a landmark that might be of use in her self-appointed quest. After fifteen minutes of fruitless searching she sighed and settled back in her seat to enjoy the last few minutes of her ride.

'Well, we're here,' she mentally whispered to her secret friend.

_And we didn't get shot at, stepped on, or blown up by N2 mines,_ the Voice replied, _Rather impressive if you ask me. So far, so good._

"So what's our next step, Genius?" Rei whispered as the bus pulled into the station.

_We find a way to contact someone high up in NERV who can get us in to see your dad._

Rei groaned at that, 'Brilliant strategy, Napoleon.'

_Look, if I knew where the bastard lived, I'd just lead you to his doorstep._

"So you dragged my ass half-way across Japan and you have no clue where to go next?"

_No plan survives contact with the enemy, Rei_, the Voice grumbled, _But NERV owns this town. How hard can it be to find a way in?_

"Well, at least we have a few clues where we might bump into a bridge bunny or two," Rei mumbled as she walked off the bus and grabbed her bags. "Or we can try and track down Misato's apartment. That shouldn't be too hard. You think?"

_Well, Canon puts it on the outskirts,_ He replied thoughtfully,_ It might be an option._

Rei sighed as she moved away from the bus park, "I hear a _but_ coming."

_I just had a brilliant idea,_ the Voice cackled evilly.

"I don't know if I can survive another of your brilliant ideas..." Rei grumbled.

_Don't be like that, Darling. Have I ever led you astray?_

"Do you want the full list or the summary?" Rei fumed as she looked around at the city.

_Okay, you got me. But this different,_ He chuckled,_ Actually its very simple_.

"Okay. I'll bite," she said after a moment of reflection, "What's this brilliant plan?"

_We walk over to that Section-2 agent by the ramen stand and demand that he take us to his leader._

Rei stopped in mid-step and glanced around, easily finding said noodle kiosk and Man-In-Black. She closed her mouth and blinked a few times as she gazed at him.

"You know," she whispered, "That might just work."

_That, or get us thrown in jail._

**/Meanwhile, About One Kilometer Down and to the Left/**

"So this is the Third Child," Colonel Misato Katsuragi, Operations Director for NERV, said as she picked up the thin folder off Ritsuko's desk. She looked at the temporary NERV ID card that was pinned to the front and committed the picture to memory.

"Yes. At least according to the Marduk Report."

Misato glanced up at her friend for a moment. "This report came out nine months ago, Ritsu. How come we haven't brought her in?"

Ritsuko leaned back in her chair and met Misato's stare with one of her own. "There have been certain complications on the part of her ancestry. The Commander decided it was best to delay her appointment."

The purple-haired Director of Operations opened the folder and began scanning through the data within. "Oh, shit!"

"That's putting it mildly," the scientist agreed as she lit up a cigarette.

"Rei Ayanami. Daughter of Gendo and Yui Ikari," Misato crooked an eyebrow at the other woman, "What's with the name? And why is it that this is the first I've heard of her, Ritsu?"

"As I understand it, the Commander fostered the girl off on a relative after his wife died," she paused to take a drag, "The family name was changed to protect her identity. And no one talks about the Commander's family much. Not after..."

"The mess five years ago," Misato agreed, "The Commander certainly does seem to collect enemies. I just find it odd that I never heard of her before."

"Very few have. Ikari sent her into hiding after that very incident for her safety, and thus the complication," Ritsuko confirmed.

"So if we confirm her as Third Child then the cat is out of the bag," Misato said thoughtfully.

And Ritsuko finished, "And the Council has ammunition to accuse us of fostering a dynasty."

"What bullshit!"

"Its politics, Misato," Ritsuko sighed, "And I know Ikari has some reservations about her becoming involved in this mess."

"But if she really can pilot an EVA…" Misato gazed back at the folder.

"Well, you heard the Commander. Our orders are to retrieve the Third Child," Ritsuko sighed as she crumpled her smoke into the ashtray.

"And here she is," Misato whispered as she looked through a brief psychology report, "Well, let's get the paper work settled, and go get her."

"At least the timing of the Activation Test left us a little time to recover," Ritsuko smiled as the phone rang. Misato went back to scanning the information on the Third Child as Ritsuko answered the call. Boy was she in for a surprise.

Ritsuko's face had drained of color as she put the phone down, "We just lost the Third Child…"

**/Back on the "Roof"/**

Nine hundred sixty meters above, on one of Tokyo-3's main streets, Rei Ayanami was indeed, completely lost. And rather pissed off at that particular revelation.

"Where the _FUCK_ did he go!" she screamed at no one in particular.

_Sorry, I wasn't paying attention,_ the Voice replied sullenly.

"Oh. I saw what you were paying attention to, asshole!" Rei grinned evilly as she mentally threw a brief image of a very well-endowed Office Lady they had passed minutes ago back in His face.

A mental laugh followed, _Yes, well. She was worth a second look_, He snickered as He filed the picture away for future reference, _That girl would give Mai Shiranui a run for her money!_

"And thanks to you, Hentai, we lost our ticket into the Geofront!" Rei snarled, oblivious to the scene she was making as several passers-by stopped to watch the crazy girl talk to herself.

"Excuse me, Miss?" a male voice asked from behind her.

Rei spun on her heels and planted her face right in front of the man's, her features etched in anger as she snarled back at his glasses, "WHAT!"

"Eh, I just heard you saying something about losing a ticket to the Geofront," the young man said as he drew back a bit, "Its just that, NERV is allowing free tours to the public today."

"Oh, reeeaaaaaallllyyyyy…" Rei smiled, "And where might the nearest gate be, Kind Sir?"

The spectacled man pointed down the street to where a small crowd was gathered.

"Gee!" Rei squealed happily as she tore off down the street , "Thanks Mister!"

_Hyuga!,_ the Voice shouted.

"Yah, thanks Hyuga," Rei corrected herself as she neared the back of the line. Three dozen people were waiting at one of the many familiar steel doors with the numerals 08 EAST painted in red. Only once she stopped to claim her place in line and catch her breath did she realize that she had missed something important.

The Voice sighed in her head.

"Shit," the girl swore under her breath a moment later as she realized that the kind stranger had in fact been the Misato-smitten bridge bunny. Rei took a step back and scanned the crowds but the young man was gone off to where ever secondary characters go between scenes. The girl barely resisted the urge to scream in frustration.

That lasted all of ten seconds, "SHIT!"

**/In a Dark Place/**

Gendo Ikari stood before one of the large floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the Geofront from the dark cavern he called an office, hands clasped behind his back, and a scowl on his face. The casual observer might guess the all-powerful Commander of NERV was busy contemplating the details of the assassination of the enemy of the moment,, or the extreme punishment of a subordinate for some great failure. This would be a good guess, as the Commander was currently making a mental list of forms of torture he would soon visit upon the person he had entrusted as guardian of his precious daughter Rei. The list had topped three hundred fifty-six acts of pain and suffering when his reverie was interrupted by the entrance of his second in command.

"Still no word, Ikari," Kozo whispered as he joined Gendo at the window.

"How did I miscalculate so badly?" Gendo whispered.

"God watches out for drunks, fools, and children," Fuyutsuki offered, "I'm sure she is well."

The Commander moved a hand up to adjust his glasses, "This event forces our hand."

"The Second Child _is_ on alert," the older man sighed, "But the weather is still disagreeable over Europe. Unit-02 might not arrive in time."

"The pilot can be here in a day," Gendo stated, "And Unit-01 is already prepared."

"The old men will go ballistic," Kozo laughed, "The first real battle has yet to be fought and their precious scenario is already in jeopardy."

"As long as we defeat the Angel, we can make the necessary adjustments," Gendo replied.

"True," Kozo took a deep breath, "Shall I contact Berlin and get things moving?"

"Yes," Gendo closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, "If we can't locate the Third Child in the next 24 hours, then we have no choice but to transfer the Second to take her place."

Fuyutsuki waited a few minutes before moving to leave. He stopped at the door and looked back at his former pupil. "We will find her, Ikari. Alive."

The Sub-Commander left quietly once he was sure there was no reply forthcoming.

**/Closer Than They Think/**

"This place is _fucking_ HUGE!" Rei exclaimed as she followed the tour group out of the lift and into the Geofront proper. Several parents scowled at her as they moved away with small children in tow. Rei gave one man the bird when he made a comment about children showing proper respect.

_Keep it up and we might get to tour the brig,_ the Voice cautioned.

"Fuck'em," Rei giggled as she tossed her bags next to a bench beside a small pond, "We're in. Now we just need to get noticed."

_Are you thinking what I'm thinking?_

"I think so Brain, but where do we get enough toilet paper to cover the entire Geofront?" Rei wondered as she looked out across the massive cavern at the four-sided monolith looming in the distance. Deciding this was as good a place as any to plot her infiltration of NERV as any, Rei plopped down on the bench and started swinging her legs back and forth under her perch as the tour group moved off into the distance. She watched them go and looked around at the man-made grandeur that was the Geofront.

"That is wicked-cool," she said in awe as she pointed up at the hardened buildings of the Central Block hanging down from the ceiling of the cavern.

_Man, the anime just doesn't do this place justice,_ the Voice whispered.

"Well, Chief," Rei said after a few minutes of gawking, "I say we go lay siege to the Pyramid until they capitulate to our demands."

_You and what army?_ the Voice chuckled.

"Looks like a good fifteen minute walk over there," Rei laughed as she jumped up and grabbed her bags, "You got 'til then to raise me an army of imaginary friends. We rise! Forward!"

_Rei, if I truly have driven you insane,_ He mumbled, _I apologize profusely._

"Don't wuss out on me yet, you jerk," Rei laughed as she started marching toward NERV HQ, "We're screwed no matter what we do. Let's have fun with it! Once more into the breach, Dear Voice!"

_This is the last time I even joke about Self-Insertion,_ the Voice grumbled.

**/Fast Forward/**

"I think we're lost," Rei moaned a few hours later.

Rei Ayanami, girl adventurer, had successfully infiltrated the Pyramid by walking right through the front doors. That no one seemed concerned as she walked up to the front desk, waved her school ID in the uniformed guard's face, proudly proclaimed herself the Third Child, and waltzed by saying she would find her own way to the Bridge was a puzzle to be solved another day. Since then, she had been amusing herself by running around the maze of corridors and riding the elevators up and down trying to find a familiar landmark within the great building.

The Voice hadn't been much of a help either. Every time He mentioned that something looked familiar, Rei would make a note of it and promise to check it out later before tearing off to investigate something more interesting. The last detour had landed them inside a heating duct when Rei thought she saw a group of Section-2 agents headed their way. After six or seven turns in the dark maze, to say they were lost would be an understatement.

_I should have tried writing some Love Hina fiction,_ the Voice moaned.

"Aw, shove it, you!" Rei hissed as she crawled through the dirty metal tunnel, pushing her backpack in front of her as she dragged her suitcase behind her.

_I never should have believed putting myself in an Evangelion story might be a good idea._ the Voice droned on,_ Even the angst has angst._

"So yer saying yer an idiot," Rei teased, "I could have told ya that."

_What ever,_ the Voice grumbled, _Give me a ring when you find a way out of here._

Rei sighed as her psychic passenger faded from her mind and left her alone in the dark.

"What an asshole!" she growled as she continued her crawl deeper into the bowels of NERV.

**/NERV Operations Office/**

Misato's head jerked up from her desk at a strange sound. Absently she looked around for a moment before she wiped away a line of drool from her face. She shook her head and stood up, turning to walk over to the coffee pot in hopes of finding some respite from the fatigue that had compelled her to fall asleep at her desk again. With a fresh cup of hot java in hand, she turned back to her desk and debated whether to call Section-2 for an update on the search for the Ayanami kid. She checked her watch, grunted, and reached for the phone, only to find it beginning to ring of its own accord.

"Operations, Katsuragi speaking," she mumbled as she answered. The voice on the other end spoke quickly and hung up before she could ask any questions. Misato held the phone in front of her face for a moment, looking at it like it might decide to bite her at any moment.

"Must be a Monday," she mumbled as she slammed it back in its cradle and grabbed her jacket on her way out to the bridge.

**/Getting Colder/**

Lieutenant Makoto Hyuga was arriving on Watch at the same time Colonel Misato Katsuragi strode into the Command Center. They exchanged brief hellos before Misato moved to interrogate the off-going Watch-stander about reports of a young girl barging her way into HQ past the main lobby. Hyuga sighed. Another typical Night Watch was beginning.

He checked the Watch board and stopped cold. The top item on the board was an APB on the recently found, and just as quickly lost, Third Child, complete with 8x10 school photo, _the very same girl he had met a few hours ago near the number 8 East Gate_. He groaned as he turned to find the buxom Colonel chewing out a Section-8 security officer who had been on duty at the front door when a possible match for the girl in question had bluffed her way into NERV.

"I hate Mondays," he groaned.

**/Getting Warmer/**

"Negative, Command, Block A-12 is clear. No sign of target."

Rei crouched in the heating duct and listened as the two uniformed guards made their report and moved away down the corridor. A feral grin was plastered on her face as she planned her next move.

_I thought we were trying to be found?_ the Voice whispered.

"Shut up and go back to sleep," Rei hissed, "This is getting fun."

_Yah,_ He said,_ I suppose it will be just as much fun when Sachiel gets here and tears this joint apart brick by brick. At least we'll have front row seats._

"Oops!" Rei groaned as she slapped a hand to her face, "I forgot about that part."

_Some people's Children…_ the Voice said disgruntled.

"Oh, chill out! We just pop out this grill and hop down into the hall there. Easy." Rei said as she moved to aim a kick at the vent cover in question, "Then we turn ourselves in to the Gestapo."

Six loud clangs echoed through the corridor before Rei stopped to rest her legs.

"Okay, plan B," she muttered as she realized the vent wasn't going to cooperate. The girl grabbed her bags and moved further up the tunnel.

_Isn't Plan B, Blow everything up?_

"Bite me," Rei snarled as she found another vent cover, this one overlooking a catwalk over a dimly lit open area.

_Maybe we should try the next grate…_ the Voice began.

"Exit!" Rei giggled as she positioned herself to kick with both legs, "Stage LEFT!" she laughed as the grate broke free under the force of the blow.

A few moments later, Rei had was out of the vent and the struggling under the weight of her baggage, mental baggage included. She took a quick look around and huffed in disgust as she realized she had come out in an elevator shaft. The catwalk was little more than a platform used by maintenance personnel to service the various electric and mechanical parts that covered the roof of the elevator if it were stopped at the floor below her perch. With no doors on her level, and only a metal ladder running up and down into the darkness, Rei sat down and fumed for a few minutes, not realizing she was yanking on her braid in frustration.

"Bugger."

**/Too Freaking Hot/**

"How's Asuka taking the news of her possible deployment?" Ritsuko asked as she rode the elevator down with Misato. The meeting with the Commander had been brief and now they were headed back to Central Dogma.

"Hot and cold," Misato answered, "Typical for Asuka. She's jumping at the bit to show her stuff, but having to leave Unit-02 in Germany is driving her nuts."

"And thus, driving everyone else nuts."

"Only those in earshot," Misato grinned.

"And those with phones. And web-mail," the blonde snickered.

Both women enjoyed a good laugh at that. They quickly stifled the mirth as the car slowed to a stop and the doors opened to admit another passenger.

Maya Ibuki took a step into the car before her face lit up in recognition, "Oh! Sempai, Colonel, I didn't know you were still here."

"Something came up involving the Third Child," Ritsuko gave Maya a weary smile as the young technician got in the cab.

"No rest for the wicked you know!" Misato snickered as the doors closed and the car lurched into motion again.

"Well I'm sure you'll get it taken care of…" Maya began only to be cut off by a banging sound coming from the ceiling.

"What the hell?" Misato said as she reached for her sidearm.

"NERV Delivery!" a young female voice shouted from above them as a hatch in the roof of the car opened, "Who ordered the small, hand-tossed Third Child with extra attitude?"

All three women jumped back from the hatch to cower in the corner behind Misato and her pistol. Then Rei poked her head down to look at the three, upside down, her braid swinging in the air below her as she locked eyes on the gun pointed at her face. Her eyes started to cross as the opening of the barrel seemed to grow bigger with every second as the blood rushed to her head.

_Oh Shit! Friendly Fire!_

"Ayanami? Don't _DO_ that!" Misato screamed as she lowered the pistol.

Rei's eyes, still locked on the gun, tried to follow the movement, taking her head for the ride. This was probably a mistake as her center of gravity shifted and her dazed mind couldn't make adjustments fast enough.

THUD!

Rei fell.

"Oh SHIT!" Misato groaned.

THUD!

And her suitcase fell on top of her.

"Is she alright?" Maya whispered.

Ritsuko arched an eyebrow at the crumpled girl on the floor and then pulled out her cell phone.

"Cancel the Intruder Alert and the APB. The Third Child has been located," she said to the man who answered as she fished a cigarette out of her lab coat pocket, "And have a medical team meet us at the elevator bank in Central Dogma."

_Man Down! Man Down!_

"Oh shut, the fuck up…" Rei moaned.

"Sorry about that, didn't mean to scare you," Misato said as she leaned down to make sure the girl wasn't hurt too bad.

Rei moaned as she looked up at the violet-haired woman, "Is it still Monday?" .

"Unfortunately," the older woman grinned sheepishly.

"Figures..." the girl whispered as she lost consciousness.

**/A Few Minutes Later…/**

"Its been awhile, Rei."

At the sound of the man's voice, Rei cringed and the hairs stood up on the back of her neck. She slowly turned to look up at the man reported to be her father looking down at her and the small group surrounding her on the Command Deck. The medic who had just finished applying a bandage to her forehead jumped back with a startled look on her face as Rei looked up, locked eyes with the Commander and presented her dear father with the proper sign of affection.

The entire Bridge crew took a collective gasp as Gendo Ikari lost his composure for a moment in response to his daughter's one-finger salute. He took a step back and then gathered his wits, covering with a quick adjustment to his glasses. Then he stepped forward and _LOOMED_ over the gathering as only an evil anime bastard can. And just for overkill, he cocked his head a bit to add an Anime Lens Flash to heighten the drama a notch. The assembled masses cowered further under the godlike image above them.

Rei just smirked, "Cut the crap, Dad. I've had a _really_ bad day," she said, her words booming in the pregnant silence.

"So I see," Gendo replied evenly, "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see how you've been wasting the taxpayer's money here at NERV," Rei snickered, "Seeing how you're such a Grinch at Christmas. And don't get me started on birthdays."

_We are so dead…_ the Voice whimpered.

"Well, now that you are here…" the Commander started.

"...You have a use for me," Rei sighed, doing her best to act depressed, "I knew I should have gone to GAINAX Land and rode the Totoro-Coaster instead."

"Damn, I would have too if I were her," Misato whispered to Ritsuko.

"Irrelevant!" Gendo glowered at his daughter, "You have been chosen for a job of utmost importance to the survival of the Human Race!"

"This have anything to do with all those 'Third Child' posters with my face on them you got plastered all over the place?" Rei whined convincingly.

"Yes."

"Oh, good," Rei pretended to be relieved, "For a while there I was starting to think you cheated on mom and had two bastards before me."

The Bridge shook to a massive face-fault of all the bystanders, except Ritsuko.

…_..oh fuck….stop….now…..please?_ the Voice whimpered.

Ritsuko mentally smiled, 'Damn! I like this kid!'

"No...the First and Second Children are the two Pilot Candidates chosen before you," Gendo stated, his composure barely holding under the assault, "They are not suitable to the duty we require of you at this time. You will pilot, there is no one else who can."

"This doesn't involve needles, does it?"

"Several," Gendo smirked.

"I don't have to live with you, do I?"

"No," the Commander said, slightly crestfallen.

"What do I have to pilot?" Rei queried, just for kicks.

Gendo glanced briefly at Dr. Akagi.

"It is called Evangelion Unit-01, a bio-mechanical construct which is…" Ritsuko began to explain.

"Short form? Please?" Rei moaned, her pounding head reminding her of the slight concussion she received in the elevator, and her growing need for food, a shower, and a long sabbatical in a warm bed.

"It's a big honking purple robot," Misato sang out, much to Ritsuko's annoyance.

"Oh hell, why not?" Rei groaned as she felt her stomach cramp.

_Well….that went better than I …_

Rei groaned as her cramp grew exponentially, "I think I'm going to hurl…"

Gendo frowned as his daughter proceeded to drop onto her hands and knees and blow chunks all over the polished floor of the Command Deck.

"Fuyutsuki, handle the rest of this," he said and turned to make his exit before he completely lost it.

The Voice sighed, _That was wrong on so many levels._

To Be Continued….

**A/N: **Like I said, short and sweet. Not much needed to be added to this one, but what little was, is kinda important. Nyaaah…..

Coming next chapter! Rei starts her training, Misato gets a roommate, Pen-Pen makes a new friend, and Unit-01 activates for the first time! Don't miss Episode 03: Shattered Dreams.


	3. Chapter 3: Shattered Dreams

Once again, I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it.

**A/N: **The RetCon continues in part three of our story. Not much different from the original but I needed to flesh out the Unit-01 activation scene and add some stuff regarding Misato and Rei's past.

As always, I hope you enjoy this story and it's take on the Evangelion mythos. Please read and review!

**Useless Trivia (Director's Cut)**

**Episode 03: Shattered Dreams**

By Species247

**/NERV HQ/The Bridge/**

"Well, that was interesting," Misato mumbled as she stood on the Bridge with Ritsuko.

Both women were watching the duty section try to get back to business following the drama that had just occurred when Rei had met, and confronted, her father. A janitor was still in the process of cleaning up the mess that had followed the epic conflict, his swearing could just be heard by the two women as he finished mopping said mess off the floor. The Bridge technicians were still gossiping like schoolgirls over the incident they had witnessed, except for Maya who was still in the restroom trying settle her weak stomach.

"Yes," the blonde scientist agreed, "She was definitely winning on points right up to the part where she vomited on the deck. I don't think the Commander is used to being on the defensive like that."

"Yeah, he nearly blew his stack there a few times," the colonel snickered, "She's kind of a weird kid. I like her."

The swearing janitor finished his job cleaning up the four messes on the floor, Rei and Maya were not the only ones to lose their lunches that night, and moved out for the hall with his cleaning cart. His next stop was the NERV cafeteria where he had honed his skill at cleaning vomit off the floor. Not that the revelation should really surprise anyone. Institutional food is just plain evil.

"Well, she should be okay by tomorrow," Ritsuko sighed, "She just needs some rest to get over her concussion and then we'll see about starting her training. After a full physical of course."

"Oh yeah," Misato huffed, "Can't forget the part about poking her with needles."

"Well, you know our procedures, Misato," her friend smiled and checked her clipboard, "Everything is already set up, we just need to arrange for her to have a place to live and that will pretty much cover all the bases for tonight."

"Good. Then I can go home and catch a nap before we start this circus all over again. They aren't paying us for all this overtime you know."

Ritsuko grinned at her old friend, "True, but some of the benefits are nice."

"Yeah, I suppose," Misato replied with a yawn, "I guess I can just shoot anyone who gets between me and my beer."

Ritsuko snickered.

"Err, Me and my bed. That's what I meant," a blushing Misato corrected herself.

"Sure you did, Misato."

**/Speaking of Institutional Food…/**

Rei sat alone at a table in the NERV cafeteria, slowly picking at and nibbling on the sandwich, soup and chips she had gotten. The medics had given her some medicine that had calmed her stomach enough so she could eat, but not enough to try the pizza, sushi or stir fry dishes that formed her other options on the menu for the graveyard shift. She took a quick glance over at the door where her Section-2 escort was busy chatting up one of the female technicians who was on break.

_I think I broke something._ moaned the Voice in her head.

"Good," Rei groaned in reply, "If you actually helped cushion my melon in the fall then maybe you're actually good for something. Other than pissing me off."

_Speaking of melons._ the Voice teased, earning a growl from the girl,_ Did I ever tell you how I ended up in your head?_

"Something about trying to write a Self-Insert fanfiction that went wrong," she said, "But anytime I asked for details you just blew me off."

_Damn. I can't remember that part now._

"What do you mean?"

_I think I used to know what was supposed to happen. I mean, I may have remembered the plot of the story I intended to write, but now…_ the Voice moaned.

"You mean you planned out how you intended to fuck up my life?" Rei snarled as she stared into her soup.

_NO!_ the Voice shot back,_ I don't think any of this was meant to happen. It's just that I can remember that I was getting this weird sense of foreboding in the last few weeks, like I knew things were getting royally malf'ed up. But I can't figure it out now. I don't remember the plot!_

"Damn! The Voice in my head just lost his memory," Rei groaned as she nibbled on her sandwich, "Why the hell am I not surprised?"

_Hey! Can't I get a little sympathy here?_

"Piss off, Loser."

There was a moment of mental silence as Rei went back to gnawing on her sandwich, then, _Hey, Darling?_

"What?!" she said out loud.

_Any idea what's up with Misato being a Colonel? _

'Nope,' the girl answered, 'You're the fanboy, you tell me.'

…_..I'm starting to think I ended up in someone else's story…_

"Whatever…"

**/Meanwhile in a Dark and Scary Place…/**

Gendo was glaring out the large window overlooking the Geofront when Fuyutsuki entered his office. The older man easily noticed the flustered look on the Commander's face as he walked up to join him at the window. Both stood in silence for several minutes as they looked out over the dark landscape.

"What's her status," Gendo finally whispered.

"Rei suffered a slight concussion when she fell in the elevator but she should be fully recovered by the time she's needed to activate Unit-01."

Fuyutsuki glanced at the Commander for a moment to find the man had slipped into his Uncaring Bastard Mode again. The older man sighed and continued his report.

"She had been suffering from a bit of malnutrition as well. Apparently she hadn't eaten in over a day and her previous diet was lacking some nutritional requirements as well. This, added to a great deal of stress she was under seems to have triggered her little episode on the Command Deck. All the standard protocols have been put in place, and Colonel Katsuragi is almost finished processing the required paperwork."

"What remains?" Gendo asked.

"There is still some debate as to her living arrangements," Kozo paused as he sensed Gendo bristle at that fact, "I believe the plan at this point is to place her in one of the Duty Bunkrooms for the night until they can set her up in an apartment somewhere."

"I would prefer that she not be left unsupervised," Gendo said as he turned and walked to his desk, "Rei is too vital to us now to leave her welfare to chance. Order the Duty Section to check up on her hourly and place two Section-2 agents on her as well. I don't want the negligence shown by her previous guardian to be repeated. Are we clear?"

Kozo took a deep breath as he walked over to stand beside Gendo as the Commander sat down and assumed his trademarked thinking position, "Katsuragi did mention something about possibly letting the Third Child reside at her place for a few days. Her quarters does have a couple extra small bedrooms and the Colonel will be able to provide transport, supervision and additional security."

Gendo pondered that for a few moments. Neither man realized the horror they were about to unleash on said Third Child. Or on the Director of Operations for that matter.

"Make it so."

**/One Hour Later in Tokyo-3…/**

"Welcome home!" Misato said as she swiped her key and the door to her apartment slid open, "Sorry about the mess. I just moved in a couple weeks ago myself."

Rei stumbled into the entry and looked around, only slightly amazed by the disaster area she had just entered. Shipping boxes lined the walls of the hallway, lay stacked in the living room, and it seemed that every surface was covered by a thick layer of empty beer cans, takeout boxes, and various other items of unrecognizable trash. Rei just took it all in and trudged after her new guardian into the kitchen.

"Looks like it was one hell of a house-warming party," Rei said as she tried to relax from the bullet car ride from NERV.

"Ummm, yeah it was," Misato eagerly ignored the sarcastic comment as she opened the fridge and grabbed a few beers, "Haven't had much chance to clean up since then. Work's been pretty hectic the past week."

"WAARRKKKKK!"

Rei jumped as Misato's other roommate made his appearance loudly and rather unexpectedly.

"Oh! Did Pen-Pen miss his mommy?" Misato cooed as she knelt down to offer the flightless bird one of the beers in her hand, "Sorry about that Rei. I should have said something about your other roommate."

"Waaark! Wark!" the penguin sat his beer down and continued to flap his wings wildly as he tried to get Misato's attention. Unfortunately, said female was focused on demolishing her first beer in twenty hours.

Rei sat her suitcase down and moved over to the fridge as Misato finished inhaling her drink and let out a triumphant howl, followed by an equally impressive belch. Pen-Pen, noticing Rei for the first time, gave up on his owner as a lost cause and moved to make his irritation known to the new girl. But just as he was about to get loud and in her face, the girl pulled out the pack of fish Misato had set to thaw the previous morning. The bird's eyes grew big as saucers as she unwrapped the object of his desire and gently lay the cuts in his dish.

_I never noticed hearts floating in his eyes in the anime_ the Voice said in awe.

"How about the drool?" Rei mumbled as she watched the bird dive into the heavenly meal, then added in a louder voice, "There you go Pen-Pen, bon appetite."

"Thanks, Rei," Misato said happily now that her blood system was starting to succumb to the influx of alcohol, "He can get pretty bossy when he's hungry. And the extra hours I've been working makes feeding him something of a chore."

"You got one trippy bird Misato."

"Yeah. He's one of those new warm water penguins you know," the woman replied as she tried to retrieve the beer on the floor, only to have her hand pecked.

_Damn! That's a quick beak!_

"So which room is mine?"

"Well, my room is the big one at the end of the hall, but the other two are empty so you can take your pick," Misato said as she went for another beer, "Go ahead and put your stuff in one and then you might want to enjoy a bath and relax a bit before going to bed. I'm sure Pen-Pen left enough hot water."

"Yeah," Rei agreed as she looked down at herself. Dust and grime still covered her clothes from her journey through the air ducts of NERV HQ. This movement also took her eyes off the buxom colonel just as she bent over to grab a beer out of the fridge, and someone was not happy at missing that sight.

_Damn! Missed it!_ the ghostly otaku groaned in despair.

"No fan service for you, Jerk," Rei hissed under her breath as she dragged her suitcase off into the hall and left one confused penguin in her wake.

'What the hell?' thought Pen-Pen as he popped open his beer, 'Its not like I caught you naked in the bath….yet.'

"Kind of a weird kid, isn't she Pen-Pen?" Misato observed as she downed another beer.

"Waaark!" the penguin agreed, 'Kinda cute though…'

**/Tuesday/Bright and Early/**

"Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

_Misato's awake now._

"You're a bloody genius," Rei groaned as she sat up in bed and looked around her new room.

_Unfamiliar ceiling…._

"….."

_Sorry, someone had to say it._

"Idiot. I suppose you want me to put a sign on the door claiming this room as Rei's Lovely Suite."

_Rei's Love Shack would work better, Darling._

"Shut up, Ecchi!" she hissed as she rolled out of bed.

"Morning Roomy!" a bright, chipper, and half clothed Misato greeted her new charge as she entered the kitchen.

_Oh that is beautiful. This has got to be why I tried to Self-Insert!_

"Morning Misato," Rei groaned as she stumbled into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Get a good rest?"

"I guess so," the girl replied as she opened the fridge and found the carton of orange juice she had seen the previous night, 'A week past the freshness date, figures'.

"So what's on the schedule for today?" Rei asked after taking a test taste straight from the carton and found it barely within tolerance.

"Well," Misato began as she leaned back against the counter and swirled the beer can around in her hand, "We have a couple hours before we have to report to headquarters. Then you have an appointment with Medical for a checkup at 0900 hours followed by a fitting for your Plugsuit. And if all goes well, we'll see if you're up to doing a short Harmonics Test later this afternoon. There's a little bit of paperwork to cover and a short orientation briefing with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, and that's about it for your first day."

"Doesn't sound too bad, I guess," Rei said after finishing off the orange juice, "After all the drama yesterday, I figured I was going to get tossed straight into battle or something."

"No," Misato smiled, "Fortunately we both have a few days before that happens."

"So I have time to get some training?"

"Yup! That should start bright and early tomorrow, so you get a slow day to recover from that bump on the head," Misato jumped from the counter to move toward the fridge, and inadvertently causing some of her more prominent body parts to move in ways guaranteed to draw attention of any male in sight.

_Nice bounce Colonel! Do it again! Do it again!_

"Groovy," Rei smiled back and tossed her empty carton away as she headed for the shower. "Don't make me hurt you ," she hissed under her breath, "Asshole."

**/1300 hrs/NERV HQ/ E-Project Office/**

"Good afternoon Rei. How are you feeling today?" Ritsuko said rather cheerfully as she let the Third Child into her cluttered office.

"Pretty good. Head still aches a little," the girl replied as she rubbed the side of her head, "My arm still feels numb from all the needles the doctors stuck in me earlier."

_You know, Ritsuko really does look pretty hot as a blond…_

"That should pass quick enough," the scientist said as she led Rei over to her desk and picked up a digital camera sitting next to a package that looked like it had a dark blue Plugsuit in it, "And the Medical report looked good, so we should be able to do the Harmonics Test later if you feel up to it. How's your tummy feel?"

"I managed to hold down whatever it was Misato made for breakfast," Rei scowled.

_Mystery noodle product #13 I think, the one with curry, soy sauce and extra kelp._

"If that's the case then you shouldn't have any trouble with the LCL," Ritsuko laughed, "Now I need you to undress so I can take some measurements for your Plugsuit."

_Damn you Anno! Why didn't you put this part in the anime!_

'You really wanted to see Shinji in the buff that bad?' Rei mentally queried as she began to unbutton.

_No! But watching him squirm as Ritsuko played with his ego would have been cool._

'Whatever, now beat it! No voyeurs allowed!' she waited a moment as His presence faded from her mind before she finished undressing.

Ritsuko took six digital pictures from several angles, "These are so we can shape the suit to conform to your unique body form, provide support where needed, and ensure it allows you complete freedom of movement."

"How much does it cost to make one?" Rei asked as Ritsuko finished and set the camera aside.

"Each suit costs just shy of ten million yen," the woman grinned as Rei's eyes boggled at that sum, and then she picked up the package and handed it to the girl, "Eventually you'll end up with at least four suits."

"Wow," Rei said as she opened the package and pulled out a strange looking Plugsuit. This suit had the general look of the Rei suit she remembered from her dreams, but with added straps and banding all over it.

"This is a fitting suit, or F-Suit for short," Ritsuko continued as she helped Rei put it on, "It has a loose construction that conforms to the basic female form. These straps and buckles allow us to adjust the fit to the precise measurements required to match your body."

"Kinda looks like some hentai leather bondage suit," Rei observed as the scientist started pulling the straps tighter around her.

"It does, doesn't it!" the woman chuckled as she continued making adjustments, "Obviously we try to make sure we set the right parameters for the suits the first time. The first suit that is made for you is considered a prototype so you can recommend any additional changes should they be needed. It might be a good idea to wear this F-Suit at least until the Harmonics Test is finished. That way we can get a better idea where it pinches and pulls before we set the parameters for your prototype Plugsuit."

"I can use this one in the Test Plug?"

"Well, since you don't have a Plugsuit yet, we were going to have you just use a swimsuit. You can wear this F-Suit instead without changing the test results much. A real Plugsuit would give us a better indication of where your baseline synch ratio is, but in this case the closest we can get would be if you did the test in the nude." Ritsuko finished adjusting the legs and moved over to Rei's right arm.

"I'll pass on that for today," Rei giggled.

"Okay, lets see how that works. Try moving around in it, and we'll adjust it so you'll be comfortable for the test."

**/One Hour and a Jump Cut Later…/**

_Have I mentioned that you look like Bride of Pinhead? With out the nails in the head._ the Voice teased an hour later.

"So I'm not the Marques De'Sade's incestuous stepdaughter any more?" Rei whispered back.

_Man, Anno really stiffed his audience in my world. There is way too much cool stuff he left out._

Rei was presently tagging along behind Misato as they headed for the Harmonics Test in D-Block. And of course, Misato was lost. And just as they passed the same intersection for the third time in said hour...

_That's the third time that janitor wolf whistled at you. He's starting to creep me out._

"I know…" Rei snarled as she turned on her heel and started skipping toward the janitor in question. The man had a mischievous grin on his face that only grew wider and more perverted as she approached.

"Something I can do for a pretty little girl like you?" he leered, his eyes focused on her chest.

_Rei? This is a bad idea…Let's just get Misato to shoot him._

"Why thank you, Mister," Rei smiled innocently, "Could you help me adjust this suit? Its all clingy and pinching me."

_Oh….shit….._

The creepy man nodded happily as Rei turned to give him her back, "Just let out the fourth strap down from my neck, one notch. Pretty please?" Rei pleaded.

The older pervert eagerly reached for the girl, and his grubby paws were soon roaming across her back and slowly sliding down and around her sides….but no where near the strap in question.

_I smell Lemon…_

"The…._Fourth_...Strap…" Rei almost snarled after a minute of near groping and listening to the man's dog-like panting behind her.

Finally the man moved his hands back up to work at the strap in question. After a few fumbling attempts, Rei felt the F-Suit loosen a bit and the strap slide back in place.

"Anything else I can help ..GAAAHHH!"

Rei stepped forward and quickly bent forward as she snapped her right leg back and mule-kicked the man in the stomach, sending his drool flying everywhere. Quickly turning to face the man, she followed up with three short jabs to his face, a knee to the groin, and finished with a flying drop kick that sent the creepy janitor stumbling back into the broom closet behind him. Rei jumped back to her feet and followed the man in and took a quick look around before grabbing a broom and a permanent marker. She pulled the door closed as the man sat up in the clutter of buckets and cleaning supplies he'd landed in.

Rei laughed to herself as she jammed the door with the handle of the broom and then wrote a message on the door.

***Do Not Open Before 1200 Wednesday***

— By Order Of Ayanami Ikari!

_That was so Asuka!_ the Voice gasped in awe of the carnage.

Capping her marker after checking her spelling, Rei smiled and then turned to discover she had an audience. Misato stood with a look of complete shock next to a grinning Ritsuko and two passing technicians who had scared and confused looks about them.

"I take it the suit fits?" Ritsuko smiled.

"Oh hell yeah!" Rei replied with a quick head snap to send her braid whipping over her right shoulder.

"That kid is weird," Misato groaned, "I sssoooooo need a beer."

**/After The Smoke Clears…/**

"Rei just finished her Harmonics Test," the Sub-Commander announced as Gendo joined him on the Bridge, "Doctor Akagi informed me that she managed to score a synch ratio on par with what the First Child achieved late in his sixth month of training."

"Excellent, it appears that our scenario remains intact then," Gendo said as he gazed out over the Bridge crew working below him. The massive holographic tank that made up the floor of the front of the Command Center showed a geographic display of Siberia and northern China, the advance of the Angel clearly marked. "How soon will the target reach the Sea of Japan?" his raised voice catching the Bridge crew by surprise.

Hyuga checked his display, "Sir! At the Angel's current rate of advance, it should cross the Kamchatka Peninsula and enter the sea in 55 hours! ETA to the Japanese coast is 82 hours. And it should enter our defensive envelope at approximately 1500 hours Saturday afternoon!"

"So we have three and a half days to get her ready for battle," Fuyutsuki acknowledged.

"She will be," the Commander stated flatly.

"How do we handle the Second Child?"

"I'll cut orders to have her and Unit-02 transported to Fifth Branch in Britain," Ikari thought out loud, "With the military airlift resources being reshuffled after the fiasco in Russia, we may need to transfer her by sea as the weather clears."

"That may work in our favor, Ikari," Kozo said thoughtfully, "It give us a chance to show the flag, so to speak, in the United States."

"Yes, and agent Kaji might get a chance to investigate the rumors coming out from the Second Branch as well." the Commander plotted, absently rubbing his chin.

"Figure a landing at Houston, visits to First and Second Branch, four or five goodwill tours in major cities, and exit by New Portland," Fuyutsuki proposed, "Maybe we can lever some public support in our favor and get the American Congress to ratify the emergency funding bill finally."

"Yes, that might work in our favor," Ikari mused, "Let's proceed with that agenda. I think we can afford to delay her arrival for a month or two. And I'm sure she would enjoy the chance to visit her friends in London."

"Indeed. In that case I'll get the proposal set up and send an Frag Order to the PR division. Give them a heads up to get moving on setting up the public agenda." Fuyutsuki started to move off when Gendo spoke again.

"I think Akagi is growing fond of her," he whispered absently.

"She's not the only one, Ikari," Kozo said giving the Commander a tight grin, "I think half the crew is in awe of her. The rest are scared to death of her. Reminds me of a young man I once bailed out of jail. It must run in the family."

"Perhaps," Gendo whispered as a rare smile crossed his face, "She certain seems to take after her Mother..."

/**A Few Hours Later at Casa Katsuragi . . . ./**

"Pen-Pen! We're home!"

The penguin in question waved a flipper, warked a polite greeting, and went back to reading the sports section as he lounged comfortably on the couch. Rei just stood in the entry hall and stared at the bird in awe as Misato charged to the refrigerator for a beer.

_I told you about his habits._

'I don't think anything could have prepared me for this,' Rei mentally sighed, "I still say that is a seriously weird bird."

"Waark?" Pen-Pen lowered his paper and cocked an eye at the girl's comment, 'What the hell did I do this time?'

"Sorry, Pen-Pen, you just really freak me out," Rei said and then joined Misato at the kitchen table.

"Well kiddo, that was one hell of a first day you had," Misato said with a sigh as she paused in downing the beer in her hand.

"Well," Rei grinned sheepishly as she absently played with her braid, "Kinda hard to beat Monday's performance, but I tried."

_I think you left a few survivors in the Geofront._

A loud mental bang echoed in Rei's mind as she psychically slapped her ghostly sidekick, 'Shut it!'

"Try not to maim anyone tomorrow. Okay?" the older woman said before downing the rest of her can.

"I'll try, Misato," Rei blushed a little and then headed for the fridge, "So what's for dinner?"

_Burned mystery meal rejected by Ethiopians and all other sane people._

"Um, maybe I'll order us a pizza tonight," Misato mused.

"Sounds like a plan," Rei answered after giving up finding anything edible in the kitchen, "And then we can see about a little cleaning."

"Err, yeah," the older woman agreed reluctantly, "We should probably find a way to divide up the chores."

Rei flashed an evil grin that unnerved her guardian, "How about Rock-Paper-Scissors?"

_Not tonight, Darling, I have a headache._

'One of these days I'm gonna yank you out of my head with a roto-rooter!'

**/There's Something About Pen-Pen/**

By the time the pizza arrived, the chores had been fairly divided between the two females and Misato was rather proud that she had managed to hold her roommate to a fifty-fifty split in all relevant categories. Rei was equally proud that she had managed a better division of labor than Shinji could ever have dreamed of.

"Well that was a really fair way to divide up the chores, don't you think Rei?" Misato said as she sat on the recently excavated couch and chowed down on the hot teriyaki wing in her hand as she nursed a beer in the other.

"It'll do," Rei agreed before diving into another slice of pizza.

"We should make it an early night, we both have a long day tomorrow," Misato said between gulps of her drink as she watched Rei channel surf with half a slice of pizza crammed in her mouth.

Rei rolled her eyes in response and then dropped the remote after Pen-Pen started flapping his wings as they discovered The Nature Channel was playing a special on penguin mating practices. He had half a fish crammed in his mouth as well. The three roommates all watched the show in silence for several minutes, and all three now had food hanging out of their mouths and wore the same shocked expressions as the flightless avians on TV frolicked without inhibitions across the screen. No one really noticed the boring monotone of the narrator droning in the background.

"Damn…" Rei finally said after sitting her pizza down, "This must be Penguin Porn."

"Waaaarkkk!" Pen-Pen agreed, 'Check out the trunk space on that little hottie!'

_Holy Shit!_ the Voice howled in shock.

"I never knew a bird could do that position," Misato wondered in awe.

"They sure know how to party," Rei added.

Pen-Pen moaned as his eyes began to roll back in his head at the action on screen.

"You might be too young to be watching this Rei," Misato said in a subdued voice as the screaming penguin lust reached a crescendo.

_I'm too young to be watching this! Who directed this perverted crap?_

"I think you're right Misato," Rei groaned as the TV stars were joined by more co-stars, "I think I'll just finish eating in my room. Before I end up having some twisted penguin nightmare." Rei grabbed three more slices and her coke as she got up to make her escape. Then she paused in shock as she noticed how Pen-Pen was reacting to the show, "Get a room dude! You sicko!"

_Run away! Run away! Please!_

Misato just sat watching the show in shock as Rei retreated to her room, oblivious to the bird freaking out next to her. The endless parade of fornicating water fowl continued with a few pauses for detailed diagrams and more boring monologue for another fifteen minutes. As the end credits rolled, a sweat coated Misato managed to steady her breathing and turned to the quivering bird laying on the floor.

"Was it good for you Pen-Pen?"

The bird barely moaned a reply.

"That's nice. I really need a beer," Misato groaned as she crawled off into the kitchen.

"Wark….waark" the exhausted penguin finally exclaimed, 'Thank God for DVR! I need a cold shower.'

**/A Few Minutes Later/**

Misato finished toweling off from her shower and threw on a robe before walking out on the balcony to enjoy one last beer before hitting the sack. _Things are looking good_, she thought as she leaned against the railing and looked out across the city, _I think I made the right decision taking in Rei_. The moon was full and cast a warm reflection across the windows of the skyscrapers of the central block as her mind began to wander. It didn't take long before her thoughts cast back to a similar night years ago, the last night she spent in Old Tokyo before she left with her father for Antarctica.

_Fifteen years, _she thought as she reached up to grasp the chain of her necklace, the last gift her father gave her before he died, _has it been that long already? _She lifted the necklace up over her head and held the silver pendent in her hand, looking at for a moment as she shielded it from the light of the moon. It's simple shape was that of a cross whose four legs were all equal in length, though she knew that if she flipped it over she would see her father's name and the date of Second Impact engraved on the back.

Then she hooked the chain around her thumb and let the pendant slide down out of her hand. She watched as the moonlight caught it and suddenly the cross seemed to change from silver to red. _Like this cross_, she mused, _nothing is what it seems. That is what you tried to teach me, isn't it, Father? _She thought as a tear rolled down her cheek, _I wish you could have been there when I finally learned the Truth for myself. I wonder how long before it's time that Rei must learn it for herself?_

**/Wednesday Morning/NERV HQ/**

"Good morning Rei, ready to start training?" Ritsuko greeted the brown-haired girl as she followed Misato onto the Bridge early the next morning.

"As long it doesn't involve any sex-crazed penguins," was the casual reply.

Misato stumbled a bit and tossed back a barely audible, "Don't even start," before making a beeline for the coffee pot, still grumbling about the weird dreams she'd had the previous night.

"Sounds like a typical night at Misato's," Ritsuko chuckled as the rest of the Bridge tried to figure out if they needed to get their hearing checked.

_No surprise there._

"So where do we start?" Rei asked as she snagged a Danish from the tray next to the coffee pot.

"I hope you don't mind if we start with a couple of lectures before we move on to the fun stuff."

"Sounds good to me," Rei replied around the remains of her snack.

"When is the Synch Test scheduled?" Misato asked between sips of coffee.

"1000 hours," Ritsuko told her friend as she beckoned for Rei to follow her, "I left a copy of the amended schedule on your desk."

"Thanks Rits. See-ya later Rei," the Director of Operations said with a brief wave as the girl left the Command Deck following the blond scientist. Misato took a few more sips of coffee before turning her thoughts to work, only to have that train immediately derailed.

"What was that about sex-crazed penguins?" one of the female technicians blurted out.

**/Fast-Forward…/**

"And you're sure Misato sat and watched the whole show?" Ritsuko asked a few hours later as she walked with Rei to the Pilot's Locker Room.

"Positive," the girl smirked, "I checked before and after I hit the shower and again before I went to bed. You wouldn't believe the look on her face."

"I can imagine. It was probably the same one she had during biology presentations in college," the woman chuckled, "But I really can't imagine how Pen-Pen reacted to it."

"Don't remind me," Rei said as she tried to suppress a full-body shiver, "I might have been scarred for life by those scenes. That is one serious freaky bird she's got."

"Pen-Pen is a rather unique creature, that's for certain," the blond agreed as they entered the locker room and moved into one of the two changing areas, "Okay Rei. I had Maya place your things in that locker closest to the shower. It should be marked, but feel free to switch to any of the other empty lockers on this side."

"This one should do," Rei replied as she walked over and opened the locker, "Does anyone else get to use this room?"

"No. Just the Pilots, which currently consists of you and the First Child. At least for a few more weeks anyway," Ritsuko replied as she sat down and began looking over some notes on her clipboard.

"Which one is her locker?" Rei asked offhand as she started changing out of her clothes.

"Actually, the First Child is a boy," the scientist replied, so engrossed in her notes that she missed the stunned look of shock that ended up on the girl's face, "He was injured several days ago. You should get to meet him next week when he gets out of the hospital. And we'll install some curtains to give you both some privacy before he comes back to work."

Rei struggled with the decision of whether to ask what the boy's name was for a moment before deciding to table the matter. She had enough problems to deal with at the moment without adding another to the list. She quickly finished changing into the swimsuit she had been provided with and then followed Ritsuko through another exit toward the testing area.

But the question of the identity of the First Child continued to eat away at her for the rest of the day.

**/E-Project Department Offices/**

Later that day, Ritsuko was back in her office going over the records from Rei's various tests when she noticed an anomaly in her psycho-graph readings. The readings were faint and seemed to fade in and out, but the fact they were there sent warning lights off in the scientist's mind. She checked the figures a dozen times before she picked up her phone and hit a well worn speed dial button.

"Its me," she said quickly once the other line was picked up, "We have a serious problem with the Third Child."

**/The Bridge/**

"What the hell is going on Ritsu?" an angry Director of Operations barked at the Head of Project-E an hour later, "I thought we weren't doing the Activation Test until Friday."

"Something came up, Misato," a stressed Ritsuko said from her seat at one of the Bridge consoles, "And because of it, the Commander decided to do the test tonight so we might have time to recover if this test blows up in our face like the last one."

"But this is insane! Rei's not ready yet!"

Ritsuko finished inputting some data and then turned the console over to Maya before she took Misato and led her back to a quiet corner of the Command Deck. Looking around to make sure no one could overhear them, Ritsuko began to explain their dilemma as she lit up a cigarette.

"When I was reviewing Rei's test data, I found a recurring anomaly in her psycho-graph. I checked the data a dozen times and ran it through the MAGI just to make sure I wasn't going mad," she paused for a long drag on her smoke, "But all the results were still the same. Rei is mentally contaminated."

"What?" Misato asked in shock, "You mean she's crazy?"

"No!" Ritsuko nearly shouted, "There is a second waveform pattern hidden under her own. Somehow Rei has a second persona riding shotgun in her psyche."

"A split personality?"

"Close," Ritsuko answered after another drag, "A mental condition like a multiple personality disorder would just show up as an increased and highly chaotic waveform activity. This is a completely separate set of brain activity at work underneath Rei's. Its almost like someone hacked into her brain and downloaded a copy of another person's persona encoded in her sub consciousness. I've never seen anything even remotely like it."

"So if Rei were to tell us she was hearing voices in her head…." Misato gasped.

"Then she'd probably be telling the absolute truth," Ritsuko finished, "Even the MAGI can't predict how this might interfere with her piloting."

"And in Unit-01…..damn! This could end up worse than Second Impact!" Misato looked around the Bridge for a moment, "And you're telling me that Ikari still wants to attempt the activation!"

"Yes, he does," Ritsuko said laying off her smoke for a moment, "But I think it has a chance of success. As you know, there are special circumstances regarding Rei and her bond with Unit-01 that suggest she can overcome this."

Misato thought back to the report she had read just after taking the Third Child into her home. If the report was true, then Rei really did have a special bond to Unit-01, but thinking about everything that could still go wrong was...troubling. Especially considering Misato's own experiences with EVA. The purple-hared woman raised a hand to her head as she felt a massive headache developing, "Alright, but I am getting so drunk if we survive this."

Ritsuko took another drag, "I think I'll join you."

**/Six hours later/**

"Begin Unit-01 Activation Test!" Misato barked, and the milling technicians immediately jumped into action. The purple-haired Colonel stood defiantly with her arms crossed as watched the bridge crew settle into their seats and fingers began to dance across a dozen keyboards.

"Inserting the Entry Plug," came a young female voice over the intercom, "Filling the Entry Plug."

Maya waited until the plug had filled with the vital, if sour-tasting, LCL before she reached forward and pressed a button, "Initiating first stage neural connections."

Misato and Ritsuko both watched over the young woman's shoulder as a green graph tracked the progress of the neural signals, "A-10 connections complete."

"Second stage connections complete, all signals normal." Hyuga said from his station off to the side, "Initiating third stage connections."

Suddenly, Maya's eyes shot wide open as the graph turned blood red and began flashing, "Anomaly detected in pilot psycho-graph! Mental contamination detected!"

Misato took a deep breath, her thoughts still in turmoil, "Ignore it! Proceed with third stage."

"Approaching Absolute Borderline….." Hyuga added in.

Ritsuko's jaw dropped as she stared at Maya's monitor, "What the hell! The signals just...stopped!"

"What's happening!" Misato demanded as alarms began to wail all over the bridge.

"The EVA is activated, but its not responding to our signals!" Maya stammered as her fingers flashed across her keyboard, shocked as nothing happened to any of her commands.

Misato ran up and leaned over the young bridge-bunny to gaze at the computer screen, "Status of the pilot?"

"Unknown! Pilot Psycho-graph is fluctuating! Mental Contamination is increasing!" Maya screamed as all hell broke lose on her computer terminal.

**/Inside Unit-01/**

_**SHINJI?**_

Rei rocked back in her seat as the word exploded across her mind.

_Oh, crap! _The Voice exclaimed, _She's going berserk!_

_**SHINJI!**_

_**SHINJI!**_

"NO! I'm REI!" the young pilot screamed back as the giant war machine began to buck and writhe around her.

_**REI?**_

The Evangelion seemed stunned by this, but it's wild gyrations quickly ceased. Rei nearly jumped out of her seat as she felt a ghostly touch across her cheek.

"Momma?" she asked innocently, despite that she was pretty sure of the answer, "Is that you?"

_**YES**_ came the answer as phantom arms embraced her in a maternal hug _**REMEMBER!**_

Suddenly Rei's mind was filled with images, both familiar and strange. The images seemed to be both dream and memory, a kaleidoscope of fractured snapshots, a montage of the life of Yui Ikari.

She was looking out across the Geofront, a young boy standing next to her, "This is the true face of Tokyo-3, Shinji, a new Eden, a second chance for Humanity. A fortress for all Mankind for when the Angels come again."

"Yes, Mother," the boy replied as the scene shifted.

Now Rei found herself staring out a window into the Cage where a shiny new Unit-01 lay nestled in it's restraints. On one side stood the boy. On the other stood the Commander.

"Must you really go, Mother?" the boy pleaded.

"Yes, Shinji," she said, "If Mankind is to survive what comes next, the EVA must be completed. And if you are to be our salvation, then I must be the one to do it."

"Your father will not be pleased by this," Gendo said.

"The old goat can stick it up his ass!" she snarled, "Him and his fellow Apostles can eat shit and die for all I care! They're the reason this is necessary."

"I wish I'd never shown you the truth," the Commander whispered.

"But you did," she replied, "It might not have set me free, but it did open my eyes. I only wish we could reveal it to the rest of the world."

"What do you mean, Mother?" the boy asked.

"You will find out when you grow older," she said, "Then you will understand why all this is necessary," she turned to her husband and asked, "You will take care of him, and show him the Truth that was Hidden?"

"I swear it," Gendo replied, "By my sword, and on the Heart of Lillith."

The scene changed again and Rei found herself staring down onto the umbilical bridge in front of Unit-01. Gendo Ikari was there, crying and the girl felt horror at the sight.

"Yui," he cried, "Forgive me. I have failed…"

The scene shifted again, and Rei found herself in a bedroom, walking toward a despondent Gendo.

"Yui? Is this a dream?" he asked as he choked back on his tears.

"Yes," she answered, "But it is one that is as real as you desire."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I know," she answered as she joined him on the bed, "But Nemesis continues to weave his web and we must finish what was started."

"But that boy was our last hope," the man looked up in shame, "The Key is lost to us."

"Then we must create another," she said as she embraced him.

The bedroom dissolved and suddenly Rei found herself in a familiar setting. The girl opened her eyes to find herself floating naked in the Entry Plug of Unit-01. She was, intrigued, for reasons she could not understand, but the reason was simple; she had no idea of what this place was or how she had got there. And suddenly Rei realized this memory wasn't her Mother's. It was her own.

The strange liquid she was in began to drain out and she settled down into the seat known as the Throne of the Soul that formed the primary component of the EVA's cockpit. The girl looked up as the overhead hatch opened and slid back, the sudden exposure to the bright lights of the EVA Cage hurt her eyes. The girl raised a small hand to protect herself as she blinked, letting herself get used to this new sensation. As her eyes adjusted to the glare, she became aware that there was a man standing in the hatch, leaning in to take hold of her. She felt safe in his arms as he lifted her out of the Entry Plug.

"Shinji if it is a boy," the man said as if remembering something from long ago, "Rei, if it's a girl."

"Father?" she asked.

"Yes, Rei," he answered, "I'm here."

And suddenly the images were gone and Rei found herself back in the Entry Plug of the fully activated Unit-01.

_**REMEMBER REI! REMEMBER!**_

"I will, Mother."

_What the hell was that? _the Voice asked, stunned by the sudden flood of imagery.

**/Back On The Bridge/**

"Wait!" Hyuga shouted as the screen blinked, "The signals are flowing forward again!"

Maya swallowed hard and wiped away the sweat on her forehead as she took in the new information playing out on her screen, "Unit-01 is now at Standby Activation. Pilot psycho-graph is stabilizing."

"Rei! Rei, can you hear me?" Misato asked hesitantly into the microphone.

There was a short pause during which everyone held their breath.

[Yeah, you can stop yelling now.] came the young pilot's voice over the radio.

Ritsuko sighed in relief then turned to Misato, "Okay, I think we can call that a success. Deactivate and we'll get the debrief done."

"Agreed."

[Sounds good to me.] Rei added.

Hyuga tapped in some commands and waited a second, "Evangelion is deactivating."

"All nerve connections now disabled. Deactivation complete." Maya said before she slumped into her seat.

**/In Briefing Room 6/**

"What the hell was that all that about?" Misato asked a few minutes later as she joined Ritsuko in the debriefing room.

"I'm not sure," the scientist answered and shook her head, "Somehow the EVA became confused at the presence of the second persona inside Rei. Basically it was like having another pilot in there with her who was thinking in a language that wasn't Japanese, and it took a while before it could filter out the extra thought noise in the matrix."

"So the EVA is always going to freak out when she pilots unless she can learn to suppress the other persona hiding in her mind?" Misato ventured as they both walked over to the coffee pot.

"Pretty much," the scientist said as she fixed herself a cup, "It looks like once the second persona faded out, the EVA was finally able to recognize Rei as its rightful pilot."

"That's kind of spooky," Misato said as she blew on her cup to try and cool her coffee down to a drinkable temperature, "Its almost like the Core Provider is fully aware of who's trying to pilot the EVA. Like a wild stallion the pilot has to break in before it will let her ride it."

"That's a pretty accurate picture, really," the blond agreed, "We don't really know for sure just how aware the Providers are within the Core, or how much their own personalities and quirks might affect the pilot. That's part of why its so difficult to locate suitable pilots. Most of the pilot candidates have the genetic makeup that will allow them to pilot. And Marduk focuses its search on those with blood ties to the Providers."

"So it's the attitude that counts most," Misato guessed.

"Precisely. Trying to match psychological parameters between the EVA and each pilot candidate takes time," Ritsuko said as she sipped at her coffee, "We really got lucky that the Marduk Institute was able to identify the First and Second Children so early, and that was mostly because they began their search with the children of NERV employees."

The two stood in silence as Maya, Makoto, Shigeru, and the Sub-Commander slowly filtered into the room. Misato finished her coffee and started playing with the empty cup before another thought hit her.

"So….how do we tell Rei we know her little secret?"

Ritsuko arched an eyebrow at her friend and grunted, "How do we know she's even aware of the other's presence?"

Both women turned as Rei walked into the room, her long brown hair still damp and unbraided following her shower in the locker room. They exchanged a quick glance before Misato walked over to the girl.

"Rei? Have you ever heard a voice talking to you in your head?"

_Shit! I'm busted!_

Rei scowled and glanced over at Hyuga who held up his hands in defense, "I never said anything about you talking to yourself, honest!"

"So its true," Ritsuko said as she walked up beside Misato, "It does speak to you?"

"Yes," Rei snarled and looked down at the floor, "How'd you figure it out?"

_Yeah! Confess! Repent! How dare you suspect the Spanish Inquisition!_

"It was easy, it showed up as second brain pattern under your own on the psycho-graphs from your first Harmonics Test," Ritsuko explained.

_Drat! Foiled again!_

"Wait!" Rei said as she locked eyes with the blond scientist, "You mean He really does exist? I haven't been going nuts for the last four years!"

_What the hell? Hello! I'm right here. Don't ignore me!_

"Yes Rei, he really exists," Ritsuko assured the girl, "I don't know how, but there really is a second persona hiding inside your mind."

"Is that even possible?" Maya asked in amazement.

_Evidence supports the theory, Good-looking._

"Man, I just thought she was weird." Shigeru tossed in.

"It appears this debriefing might take longer than anticipated," Fuyutsuki said calmly as he moved to the phone to order additional coffee and food to be delivered.

"So, Rei. What do the voices tell you?" Misato said as she knelt down next to the girl.

"Not much," Rei laughed as tears of relief rolled down her face, "Most of its just useless trivia…"

_What was that? Useless Trivia? That gives me an idea for a new fic…_

**/Friday Morning/Back in Briefing Room 6/**

"So where's Ritsuko?" Rei asked as she followed Misato into the briefing room where Lieutenant Ibuki and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki were waiting for them.

"She's a little busy right now, Kiddo," the older woman said as they found their seats, "She's been busy the past couple days trying to find a way to make it easy for you to pilot the EVA without letting your little friend cause any problems."

_What? I didn't do anything!_ the voice whined.

'Like hell!' thought Rei, you've been a royal pain in my ass since day one!'

…_._

"Well," Rei asked as the Lieutenant moved toward the podium to start the briefing, "Do you know if she's had any luck?"

"Some," Misato said as she put a hand on the young girl's shoulder for reassurance, "I'll tell you about later, OK?"

"Okay."

**/Fifteen Minutes Later/**

_What the bloody hell?_ the Voice said as it contemplated the strange image that appeared on the briefing rooms giant monitor, _That's _NOT_ the third Angel!_

Maya turned back to look at the other two women, "As you can see, the target defies all known laws of biological science. Its gargantuan size and density argues that such a massive creature should not be able to float in the air as it does, seemingly without effort or measurable means of locomotion."

Rei listened with only half an ear as she gazed up at the "Angel" pictured before her. It had nothing in common with the bi-pedal humanoid black and white beast she had expected to fight. It didn't even look much like any other Angel she knew of either. This Angel looked to her eyes as nothing more than a giant, bloated, mutated puffer-fish covered with zits swimming through the air. As the video continued, the fish opened its mouth and a storm of electrical energy began to form. The energy whipped into a frenzy and then bulge outward as if the fish monster was blowing a bubble at them. Then the blue ball detached from its host and shot away to impact in the midst of an American tank battalion.

"I don't know what the hell that thing is," Rei snickered at the image on screen, "But that has got to be the most butt-ugly monster I've ever seen!"

_I have a bad feeling about this!_

"That's cuz you suck."

**/High Noon in Tokyo-3 (Also known as Saturday 13:15 Hours)/**

"Let's get ready to Rumble!" the Director of Operations shouted as the Angel neared the outer ring of the Tokyo-3 Defensive Line.

"Are you ready, Rei?" Ritsuko said to the image on the main screen.

[Ready to rock and roll!] came the jubilant reply.

_Into danger! Gekiganger!_ sang the Voice.

Ritsuko chuckled as the Otaku's mental commentary scrolled underneath the cockpit communications window on the main screen.

[I take it the sub-title upgrade is working?] Rei smirked into the camera.

"Oh yeah," Misato snickered as she tried to stifle a laugh.

"What's a Gekiganger?" Maya whispered to herself.

To Be Continued…..

**A/N: **Three chapters down, nine to go! Some subtle additions to this one, mostly just more clean up work.

Next time on Useless Trivia! Rei and Unit-01 battle the Third Angel to the death! Rei meets the First Child! We take a trip to Apartment 402! And Rei AI begins her first day of school! All this, and maybe more, in the next installment….Episode 04: Awkward Moments!


	4. Chapter 4: Awkward Moments

Once again, I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it.

Another chapter of the Director's Cut. Just odds and ends this time.

**USELESS TRIVIA (Director's Cut)**

**Episode 04: Awkward Moments**

By Species247

**/The Streets of Tokyo-3/**

"Launch EVA!"

"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa-Haaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!" Rei howled in excitement as Unit-01 rocketed up from the depths of the Geofront towards the embattled surface of Tokyo-3. The girl was just starting to enjoy the feel of the G-forces pulling down on her petite frame when the ride came to an abrupt end as the launch sled reached the surface and slammed to a stop. Rei blinked away the dazzle of the bright sun to see explosions and tracers flashing overhead as the city's defense systems blasted away at the approaching Angel with a vengeance.

_Wow! This is intense!_ the Voice said in awe as a cackling ball of red energy shot past a few hundred meters away and obliterated a heavy gun tower in a massive explosion.

[Okay Rei. Just like we practiced!] came Misato's voice from the view screen just above the control yoke, [Move to the weapons cache at Point Alpha and retrieve the Pallet Rifle. Then unfold your AT-Field and I'll direct you in to engage the target.]

"Roger that!" the pilot answered happily as she urged the giant purple robot toward the weapons bunker. The battle was getting ever more intense as the Angel moved closer and more defense systems gained the range or line of sight on it. Rei's head snapped around as another red ball of death shot by, followed by another earthshaking explosion behind her, "Whoa!"

The EVA soon reached Point Alpha and the massive armor-plated doors rolled back smoothly as Rei reached into it for the huge assault rifle housed within. Rei took a moment to inspect the weapon before shouldering it and moving out in a SWAT-style crouch as Misato directed her to the Angel.

[Okay, slow down here. The target should be visible just beyond that big building to your right.]

"Got it!" Rei replied as she moved into position.

_EVA Unit-01 settles into position as it prepares to fire its first shots in anger!_ said the Voice.

[Please keep commentaries to a minimum. You're distracting the pilot.] came Ritsuko's voice in response.

"Lost cause, Doctor," Rei giggled, "He never shuts up!"

_Jeez! I'm not tha…..Holy SHIT!_ he screamed as red energy exploded through the building in front of them.

Rei looked around real quick, but couldn't tell what the target was.

[Rei! Get moving! I think it just decided to say hello!] Misato yelled a second later.

"Oh NO!" Rei screamed as the building behind her exploded, "You did not just shoot that red shit _at_ ME!"

Rei growled as she threw Unit-01 into a roll, tearing up several hundred yards of pavement to come to rest behind another large building. Several smaller energy bolts flashed by in her wake and Rei could tell from the shockwaves that these blasts were much weaker than the big ones that had taken out the skyscrapers and gun towers.

[It looks like the Angel's switched to automatic fire. These shots don't pack as much punch….] Misato started to say.

"….But the little bastard can put a shitload more of them into the air!" Rei snarled as a dozen more explosions rocked the ground like some demonic jackhammer, "This prick is seriously starting to piss me right the fuck off!"

Then, suddenly, the shooting stopped. Rei waited a couple of seconds to steady her breathing, then flipped the selector switch to full auto and leaned out past the edge of the building.

"Die you mutant tadpole! You second-rate Death Star wanna-be! Die Bitch! DIE!" Rei screamed in fury as she unloaded her rifle into the Angel's AT Field.

Misato watched the EVA's attack with a bit of nervousness as the bullets clearly impacted on an AT-Field at a good distance from the Angel. Then her eyes widened as the fishy monster opened its mouth and a web of red lightning began to form. The EVA pulled back behind the building and Misato smiled in pride, and relief than Rei was still using her head enough to use the building for protection. But the Angel didn't fire. The energy storm grew larger and larger and began to bubble up and expand toward the building Rei was hiding behind as the Bridge Crew watched with growing dread.

"Rei! Watch out!" Misato yelled as Shigeru screamed a warning, "It's gathering more energy than before! It's getting ready to fire again!"

"Oh, _FUCK_ Me!" Rei cursed as she realized what was happening. She had pulled back knowing this building would shield her from anything it had fired so far. But the Angel must have realized the same thing. And now it seemed to be super-charging this shot! Rei slammed the control yoke forward to the stops and urged Unit-01 into a run, but it was too late. The world seemed to explode around her as the Angel finally fired. The building disintegrated instantly as Unit-01 was picked up and thrown forward in a tsunami of shrapnel and fire. Rei screamed in pain as a thousand flaming projectiles hit the Evangelion across the back like a shotgun blast. An instant later, she had the wind knocked out of her as the EVA slammed into, and through, an armored weapons bunker.

[Rei!] Misato screamed as the robot came to rest and the building collapsed in on top of her, [Rei! If you can hear me, get up quick! It's getting ready to fire again!]

Flashes of lightning arced wildly around the gaping maw as the floating Angel turned to aim at the downed Unit-01. Rei snarled in fury as she struggled to get her EVA back on its feet. Pain lanced through her body as the damaged left arm of Unit-01 brushed a building and the open wounds across the Evangelion's back poured blood, LCL and shrapnel. Just as the EVA got its right foot set firmly on the broken ground surrounding it, the raging hurricane of energy began to convalesce into a web across the Angel's gaping maw and expand toward the struggling robot. Rei growled in fury as she realized she wasn't going to make it.

"Oh, fuck that!" Rei screamed as she launched the Evangelion straight at the mouth of that storm of energy, "Here comes the Pain!"

The Bridge Crew let out a collective gasp as Unit-01 left the ground in an explosion of dust and shrapnel. The Evangelion seemed to blur as it tore through the glowing AT Field in a burst of orange hexagons and disappeared into the center of the cackling maelstrom, the growing web of energy suddenly turning and collapsing in the wake of the kamikaze mecha's passage. The bloated Angel was knocked high into the air as the EVA impacted at mach 1 in a fountain of purple blood and gore. The eyes of the entire Bridge Crew widened in horror as the body of the Angel began to ripple and bulge, spasming wildly as snaking tentacles of lightning lashed the air around it in a fight for its life.

"Progressive Knife engaged!" Maya shouted in response to a new glowing indicator on her screen.

Misato paled suddenly as the Angel began bucking and squirming furiously in the air, "Oh crap…its going to..."

Everyone on the Bridge watched in horrified silence as the massive creature suddenly detonated in a brilliant explosion and it began to rain purple gore all over the city.

"Pilot life-signs are neutral, she's unconscious." reported one technician.

"The Angel has gone silent," Maya added with a relieved sigh.

"How is the EVA still active!" Hyuga gasped.

_I need a beer._

"The Otaku has control?" Misato asked stunned.

"It appears that way Ma'am," Maya answered, fingers dancing across her keyboard.

"No," Ritsuko corrected after a quick examination of the readouts, "He barely has a Synch ratio. But it looks good enough to maintain Activation. Status of EVA?"

"Screw that! Let's get her out of there! Maya?" The purple-haired Colonel commanded.

"Ejecting the Plug!" Maya said as she activated the override and the EVA slumped over like a puppet with its strings cut as the power died.

"Get the recovery teams moving!" Misato said as she headed for the elevator.

Fuyutsuki sighed with relief as the tension fled in the aftermath of the first battle, "Well Ikari, Rei did it after all."

"Yes," Gendo smiled behind his folded hands as he watched the Bridge Crew celebrating below, "It seems we may be able to proceed with the original scenario after all."

"Are you sure?" the Sub-Commander said, "She isn't quite what we expected. And there's still a good chance Unit-01 might yet reject her. Especially considering her mental contamination."

Gendo sat in thought for a moment before he stood up and turned his back on the Bridge, "Unit-01 will accept her. There is no other option." The Commander began to leave the platform, then stopped and turned his head to look at the older man, "Besides, Yui always wanted a daughter."

**/NERV General Hospital/2000 Hours/**

Rei stood at the window of her hospital room, looking out over the ruins of what used to be the western outskirts of Tokyo-3 as she finished braiding her hair up again. Fires still raged in a few areas and she could see six black pillars of smoke from her room. She knew the first battle would be nasty, but from her vantage point it looked like half the city had been leveled and the young girl could not fathom how it was possible that no one had been killed in the crossfire. The worst part was that the girl felt responsible for it. Even if no one died, how many people had just been made homeless because of her actions? Rei was dragged out of her brooding, but didn't bother to turn, at the sound of the door opening.

"How do you feel, Kiddo?" Misato said wearily as she entered the hospital room.

Rei shrugged her shoulders with a frown, absently toying with her braid.

"Well the docs say you're good to go," the buxom Colonel said say she moved up behind the young pilot and handed her a change of clothes, "so we can get out of here as soon as you're ready."

"Fine," the girl said as she turned from the window and started changing back into her street rags.

Misato watched her in silence, worried at the deep sense of depression the young was giving off. She knew she should say something, offer some thanks or encouragement, but the older woman was still a little dazed from that first titanic battle. Words just didn't seem adequate to the task.

Rei finished changing and offered her guardian a lazy, and somewhat sarcastic, smile, "Well, I'm ready as I'll ever be," and led the way out of the room. Misato let her lead the way in silence and at her own pace, happy that the girl, at least, remembered the way back out. Rei was just about to reach the elevator bank when the doors opened and two orderlies emerged in the process of transporting another patient to his room.

Rei stopped in mid-stride as the gurney was rolled past them in the hall. The boy lying in it paid her no attention as he simply stared intensely at the ceiling. Despite having half his face covered in bandages and his left arm in a sling, both the girl and her ghostly sidekick recognized him instantly.

_Oh shit…don't tell me..._

"He must be the First Child….."

**/A Short Drive Later…/**

Even though she knew why Misato had done it, and what to expect, Rei could not help but feel anxious as she stood with her guardian at the scenic overlook. The hill was only ten kilometers from downtown, but with all the major buildings of the Central Block retracted in their protected 'hull down' positions, the city seemed diminished somehow. Rei had only gotten to see Tokyo-3's skyline once, but even so, it was easy for the girl to let her imagination convince her that far more of the bustling metropolis had been destroyed in the battle than the reality. Indeed, it was hard for Rei to recognize the city at all.

"Almost time," Misato whispered as she checked her watch.

Almost a minute passed before the pair heard the sirens echoing across the valley signaling the all clear. Rei gasped then, as the massive armored hatches peeled open by the dozens, and the mighty fortress of humanity abandoned its combat persona to once again become a living city. The girl's eyes widened as the bulky weapons towers and armory bunkers began to sink back beneath the surface, even as commercial and residential high-rises shot back up into the ruddy red glow of the setting sun. The sight of the Central Block rising like a phoenix from the ashes finally brought a smile to Rei's face.

"This is Tokyo-3," Misato said proudly, "This is the city you saved."

"It's beautiful," the young pilot said, wiping away tears she hadn't expected to shed.

"That was a really brave thing you did today, Rei."

"Thanks Misato."

And what made it even better? The Voice kept his trap shut and just enjoyed the show.

**/Sunday Morning/**

"Yeeeeeeaaaaaahh! Woooooooo-Hooooooooo!"

"Crap!" Rei exclaimed as she hit the floor. The girl sat up and rubbed her head, slightly pissed that her guardian's morning beer ritual had somehow scared her out of bed. Then she smirked as she felt the Voice stumbling around like a drunken hobo from the fall. Just out of spite, Rei got up, turned the radio on to the local heavy metal station and started head-banging to the guitar solo for "Master of Puppets".

_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!_ the Voice screamed in pain as Rei bounced him off the walls, so to speak, _Mercy! Mercy! Please!_

"Heh, heh. Morning Shithead," she growled as the song ended and the DJ came on to make announcements.

_Morning._ he whimpered in reply.

"We got shit to do today," Rei said as she turned the radio off and started gathering things for her morning shower, "I want to find out what the hell is up with pretty boy."

_You mean the First Child?_ the Voice asked as he 'massaged' away the pain of his Rei-inflicted wounds, _How do we do that?_

"What are you, an idiot?" she growled as she grabbed her towel and headed out the door, "We're going to track his ass down! He took the doll's place in this story, so logically he should be the resident of La Casa De Craphole, right?"

_Point taken...Asuka..._ the Voice replied, mentally smirking as Rei realized she was indeed stealing lines from the red-haired German vixen, _The 'Dollhouse' is one of the landmarks I figured we might use to find someone connected to NERV for our infiltration. Shouldn't be too hard to find._

"Good," Rei said smugly, happy the older persona was actually giving her some respect for once, "But I need some privacy for a bit, so take a hike."

_Okay, seeya in a bit Darling,_ the Voice said as he faded away.

Rei waited a few moments to ensure he was gone as she walked into the bath and started getting undressed. Why the hell couldn't things always be this easy?

An hour later Rei had finished her shower and fixed herself some breakfast, joining her guardian at the table.

"I've got to go in and do some paperwork," Misato said between spoonful's of miso, "And we need you to come in for some post-battle work after lunch. We need a debriefing and Rits wants to run another psycho-graph on you."

"Okay," Rei replied as she finished off her light meal, "I've got something I need to do before I go in anyway."

Misato pushed her bowl away and took up her beer, hesitating a moment as she gazed at her roomy, "Is your invisible friend with us this morning?"

Rei busted out laughing, "No! Not right now. He's...hiding from me."

"Oh?" Misato queried, arching her left eyebrow, "You got some way to keep him in check?"

"Yer damn right I do," Rei snorted, "If I didn't, I'd never be able to bathe or change clothes without him peeking on me like a damn perv! He nearly drove me insane the first couple months after he showed up."

"Wow, I can't imagine what that was like," the buxom Director of Operations replied as she started back into her beer, "I don't think there's enough beer in Tokyo-3 to help keep me sane if something like that happened. But you guys seem to get along okay."

"Well, I suppose," Rei agreed, "But if Ritsuko can find a way to get him out, I'll be so much happier. Don't get me wrong, he's not a total asshole. He's just...like having yer ex-boyfriend stuck in yer head twenty-four, seven."

Misato nearly choked on her beer as an image of her ex, Ryouji Kaji, suddenly flashed before her eyes. Rei giggled as her guardian struggled to catch her breath. Misato looked her young ward straight in the eye and said, "I think I'd rather eat a bullet."

Two hours later, Rei stood outside a familiar door in a run down apartment building. The sounds of construction going on nearby had helped to guide her to this place, and now she had reached her destination. The mail slot in the door was stuffed with old mail, mostly junk. The name plate read 'Nagisa, K'.

"This makes no sense." the girl groaned, "I mean, I see it, but I just can't fucking believe it."

_I'm with you there._

"How can Kaworu be the First Child?" she pondered as she scratched her head.

_I don't know. I had hopes it would be Shinji._

"Me too," Rei frowned, "But then he would have been in Unit-01 instead of Unit-00."

_Think he's still an Angel?_

"…"

_I don't think I wrote this._

"Try telling that to the Fourth Wall…"

**/Sunday 0900 Hours/ NERV Briefing Room 6/**

"A rather creative use of the Evangelion's AT Field," Fuyutsuki mused as he listened to Ritsuko's debriefing. Maya and Misato, who were also present, both nodded in agreement.

"Indeed," the doctor confirmed, "We always theorized that the AT Field was more tactically flexible than as a simple defensive barrier. The use of the field to neutralize another one was about as far as we managed to accurately plot out for battlefield use. But as we have seen, Rei was able to use hers to launch her EVA at high speed at the Angel."

"But how?" Maya asked.

"The AT Field is basically a natural force, a finite energy of almost unlimited utility, generated within the Evangelion. Its use is dependent on the need of the Evangelion and its pilot, but within theoretical limits. Its most basic utility is in defense, creating a shield of pure force, capable of absorbing or deflecting nearly any energy or kinetic attack, even radiation."

A projection appeared on the screen showing an Evangelion surrounded by a glowing sphere.

"The EVA can only project this energy a certain distance, and as we can see in this diagram, the most common usage is in forming a protective sphere around itself. This use is simple and almost inherent to the EVA and its pilot. In essence it is a physical manifestation of the pilot's mind reacting to danger by throwing up an all-encompassing barrier."

"So the EVA is basically just acting to project and magnify the pilot's own sense of self-preservation?" the Director of Operations asked with a thoughtful look.

"Precisely," Ritsuko nodded, "But as you no doubt have seen, Rei possesses a slightly skewed sense of self-preservation. Her response to the Angel's last energy blast was not based on her fear of death, but rather on the collective sense of pain, hate and rage she was feeling at that point."

"You expected her to throw up another shield?"

"Even after seeing how easily the Angel penetrated her AT Field with one shot, most people would have focused on protecting themselves, possibly enough to concentrate the AT Field from the basic sphere into a more compact shield directed at the attack itself."

"Like a knight's shield?" Maya wondered.

"Exactly. We've even laid in the neural programming into the EVA to make this easier to accomplish, for obvious reasons. In effect, the thin sphere becomes more concentrated at the expected point of impact. A veritable pin-point barrier that is up to a hundred times more effective against a direct strike. The trick is proper focusing of the shield. The EVA's neural links are optimized to create shields along the arms like a knight's with variable strengths from ten times normal, to five thousand times basic if the shield is formed in the palm of the Unit's hand."

"Kind of like snatching arrows in your hands." Misato pondered, "Why didn't you mention this to me before now?"

"The basic theories are all clearly stated in the operational overviews Colonel," Ritsuko glared "You did read them, didn't you?

"Try writing them clearer," Misato snorted back, "The jargon you put in those reports are too confusing."

"Well, the fact is, that until yesterday, most of the section on the AT Field was purely speculation anyway," Ritsuko said as she rubbed her temples, "Somehow Rei expanded her field against the ground and then contracted it in a split second. This launched the Evangelion into the air at speeds that exceeded the sound barrier. She then concentrated the field at the point of impact with the Angel."

Misato thought for a second, "You mean she snapped her AT Field like a rubber band…"

"Yes!" Ritsuko exclaimed, then glanced at the screen, "Or more precisely, she used it like a rubber ball. She deformed the bottom hemisphere as though it had been dropped from a height…conforming to the surface landed on as it absorbed the energy of the impact and…. "

"Oh!" Maya said as it became clear, "Then she forced it back into a sphere to bleed off that energy! That way all the inertia raced to the leading edge where she hit the Angel!"

"A standing bounce?" Misato scratched her head.

"It sure looks that way," Ritsuko chuckled, "I'm sure this conforms to the Law of Conservation somehow."

Misato groaned as Ritsuko reached for a calculator.

"Simple in theory," Fuyutsuki said, "And it confirms our theories of the AT Field's flexibility. The real question then is, how flexible is it?"

Misato stared at the Sub-Commander, "You think it could be used offensively?"

"That is a possibility," the professor nodded, "Doctor Langley in Berlin has had the Second Child doing some experiments in this area, I think. The current thesis supposes that with experience the pilots may be able to focus the AT Field into blades and whips."

"And Asuka has shown some talent with manipulating gravity fields around her EVA," Ritsuko added.

"Are you hoping for flying Evangelions?" Misato snorted.

"No, that's probably not feasible with our current limits in battery power," the blonde looked up from her calculations, "But if we ever get a working S2 engine…."

Misato rolled her eyes.

"But for now we're stuck using variations of the basic sphere," the scientist pointed out, "That simple fact offers us a wide variety of new tactical options, beyond what we know from your experience during Second Impact. Rei's little super-leap is just one of many abilities we can make use of."

"I guess," the Director of Operations agreed, "And that means more work for everybody to develop those new abilities."

**/Monday Morning/**

Rei cursed loudly between bites off the toast she clutched tightly in her hand. Misato had promised to wake her in time for school, but the older woman had gotten hung up late at NERV and just barely stumbled in the door in time to inform the girl she would be late if she didn't run. So now Rei was indeed running, meager breakfast in hand, brand new, yet rumpled, school uniform hastily donned, and cursing her fate as only she could.

"Dammit! I'm gonna be late!" she howled, "I'm so freaking late!"

_If you run into any boys, don't forget to give them a flash of panties._ her unwanted passenger joked.

"Eat shit and die!" she growled in reply as she held her breakfast up for another bite even as she reached up to grab hold of the book bag whose strap was threatening to fall off her shoulder as she ran for all she was worth.

Avid readers, or fans of the anime who actually watched all of episode 26, will realize what was fated to happen next. Ironically, the Voice did not. Or did he?

Rei's attention was diverted at just the wrong moment as she ran up to an intersection and thus she never saw the two teenaged boys walking up to the same intersection from the adjoining street. Needless to say, the young pilot plowed right into one of them and the both of them went sprawling to the pavement. It was a spectacularly painful way to make new friends.

It took a moment for Rei to gather her wits, and half as long to wish she hadn't. The spunky young pilot found herself on hands and knees, straddling another human being, and suddenly realized that her right hand had ended up firmly planted at the point where the two legs of a black and purple sweat-pants clad boy came together. Before she could stop herself, Rei's hand twitched. Something twitched right back at her.

"Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" she screamed as she realized what she had just done.

The girl jerked back into a kneeling position, eyes wide as she tried to come to terms with the fact that she'd just had an encounter of the Third Leg Kind. Then she gasped as she realized something was moving beneath her. Well, maybe not so much moving as breathing, choking and trying to mumble something past the fact that the mouth in question was indeed buried between her legs and gagging on her fresh cotton panties!

_Oh wow! Talk about Prophecy fulfilled!_

Rei came up off the ground as if the boy was on fire and began kicking the stupid pervert in retaliation for her embarrassment. Then she stopped for a second and glanced at her watch, "Oh shit! I'm gonna be late!" and took off down the street leaving nothing but a dust cloud, one injured boy and one spectacled military otaku drooling into the lens of his video camera as he filmed her departure.

The boy lowered his camera as the girl disappeared up the road and readjusted his glasses to cover his blush, "Wow! I think I'm in love!"

**/Remember that Dark and Scary Place?/**

Gendo looked up as Dr. Ritsuko Akagi approached his massive desk with several folders and her ever-present clipboard in hand. The fake blonde wasn't looking so good today, but the Commander was expecting that. She'd been working some very long hours on the special project he'd ordered. The fatigue was bound to show.

"Any progress?" Kozo asked from his right.

"I think so..." the scientist replied with a lazy smile as she set the files down on the desk and settled into the chair that awaited her. Ninety-nine percent of everyone who came into this office was forced to stand, no chair was normally present, much less offered, and Ritsuko was always glad when Ikari was thoughtful enough to provide one, "The latest test results have offered us a much clearer picture of the interaction between Rei and her invisible friend. This data suggests a possible way to extricate the intruder with minimal risk to the Third Child."

"Excellent work Doctor," Gendo said with a smile, "I want you to pursue this as your highest priority. I don't care what it takes, I want that parasite out of my daughter's mind as rapidly as possible!"

"I understand, Sir. It's just..." she hesitated a moment before she lifted the top folder and handed it to him.

The Commander of NERV picked it up, opened it and started scanning through the summary on the first page of the report. His eyes narrowed as he digested the theory proposed and then handed the folder to Fuyutsuki. The former professor read it through twice and then sighed.

"I don't see that we have much choice," he said as he set the folder back down, "Your thoughts Ikari?"

"This scenario is acceptable. And if the receiving vessel fails to accept him, we will have lost nothing of value. Please proceed at once Doctor."

There were two nods in reply before Ritsuko stood up and made her exit. There really was no rest for the wicked.

"Are you sure about this, Ikari?" the old man whispered.

Gendo smiled, "We kill two birds with one stone if it works. And if it does, that means I can get my hands on the perverted little bastard who's been driving my little girl insane and putting ideas in her head."

"You don't mean..."

"Oh yes I do! I have a list Kozo. I have a very long list. That Self-Inserting Otaku bastard is going to wish he was never born once I get finished with him. In ten years or so..."

To be continued….

All aboard for the fifth installment of Useless Trivia! Coming up next: Rei meets the Two Stooges (again), Rei makes some interesting new friends, Ritsuko blinds us with science, the First Child makes his move and then everything blows up in their faces in Episode 05: Gathering Storms!


	5. Chapter 5: Gathering Storms

Just to recap: I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it.

A**/N:** Even the good chapters need some revision, unfortunately. So here we go with the Cut!

Please read and review.

**Useless Trivia (Director's Cut)**

**Episode 05: Gathering Storms (or ...Pulling The Trigger)**

By Species247

**/Commencing Countdown/**

It began as most Mondays in Tokyo-3 do. With much screaming, yelling and running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Rei Ayanami Ikari, the Third Child as designated by the Marduk Report (Version 3.78 with appendices in seven languages), has just arrived at Tokyo-3 Municipal Junior High School for her first day of classes. An event she had, for once, looked forward to, and had almost missed thanks to a late wakeup call from her superior officer and a chance encounter (collision) with a soon-to-be classmate. Dealing with this delay had involved the usual foul language and physical violence we have come to expect from the explosive Third Child with the long braid and unwanted mental baggage. For those who missed it, please review the previous chapter for the details.

So it was that Rei Ayanami Ikari finally arrived at school, checked in with the administration, received her class assignment, and made her way to the second floor full of expectations and hopes of making some new friends. Real ones, rather than the semi-imaginary one that had spent the better part of the last five years filling her head with Useless Trivia.

You almost have to feel sorry for the girl…

**/T-Minus 12 Hours…/**

"Good morning class," the homeroom teacher of Class 2-A greeted her students as Class Representative Horaki finished leading her fellow students thru the traditional _Rise – Bow – Be Seated!_ Routine that was standard operating procedure for all Japanese school children for over a hundred years.

"Good morning Ms. Yukari!" two dozen young voices replied in various states of respect and wakefulness.

"It seems we have a new student today!" the long-haired brunette beamed, "Please say hello to Ms. Rei Ayanami!"

The door opened and the young pilot made her entrance to the approving sounds of the male class members, and the groans of some of the more jealous female ones. Rei was a little embarrassed by all the attention but she was getting used to it from everything that had happened since she joined NERV. As she surveyed her new domain she made two important discoveries. First was the silver-haired boy sitting next to the window, swathed in bandages and staring off into the distance like a certain blue-haired half-Angel would normally be expected to be seen.

_So Wonderboy is here, groovy,_ mumbled the Voice as he took stock of the other pilot.

The second discovery wasn't so nice.

"Waaaah! It's you!" shouted a tall track-suited boy who stood up from his seat and pointed at her for emphasis.

"Hey! You're that pervert who tried to molest me this morning!" Rei stammered as she finally recognized him.

"What! Yer the one dat ran into me!" the boy fired back, "'Sides, who'd wanna molest sum crazy psycho chick like you anyway?"

_Oh crap! He did not go there! Did he?_

The room went silent as Rei's eyes grew wide and her lips drew back in a feral grin.

"Crazy?" Rei growled as she took a step forward, "Psycho?" she snarled as she started flexing her hands and the sound of ligaments popping were heard, "Chick?"

Toji Suzahara came out of his seat and started to back peddle as he realized that the rest of the class was fleeing for the exits as Class 2-A's newest member advanced on his position with blood in her eyes.

"Oh," the girl growled as her hands came up, "It's so ON!"

"Whaaa-hoooo! A fight! A fight!" a perky, overly-energetic girl with dark, shoulder-length hair yelled as she jumped out of her seat on the left side of the class, "Look Yomi! A fight!"

"Yah-yah, I see it!" the long-haired girl with glasses replied in irritation as her friend shook her from behind with one hand and pointed at the, obvious, disturbance ten feet away.

"Ooohh! Do you think its a lover's quarrel?"

"That's not it!" Yomi replied, "Settle down Tomo!"

"Aah? Aren't you the least bit interested?" Tomo exclaimed as they watched Rei go charging over a desk in pursuit of the pervert, "I bet she caught him with another woman!"

Yomi rolled her eyes and glanced over at the third girl in their group, "Sakaki, try and talk some sense into her."

The tall and beautiful long-haired Sakaki was considered something of a 'Cool Sempai' by most of the other girls in the school as she was not only good at damn near anything she did, but she had hit puberty early and with a vengeance that showed no desire to stop anytime in the near future. This last fact led to some jealousy from many of the less well-endowed female teachers, unwanted attention from every member of the male species, and the assumption on everyone's part that Miss Sakaki was just as emotionally and mentally mature as her incredibly well formed body was. I think we all know what assumptions are known to be the mother of.

And so it was that Yomi turned to her tall, graceful and incredibly hot friend in hopes of gaining some support in reigning in the class wildcat. Instead, what she saw was the 'Cool Sempai' coloring sixteen shades of red while she watched dumbstruck as the new girl brought the ruckus onto the class basketball jock.

"You go, New Girl!" Tomo cheered as Rei pounced and chairs and desks went flying.

To wildcat Tomo's disgust, peace was quickly restored as the sheriff/class representative, one Miss Hikari Horaki, waded into the rapidly escalating slapfest and brutally subdued both combatants with that most dire of martial arts moves, the dreaded double ear pull. Order was restored and Rei was quickly assigned her seat, far away from her mortal enemy, Toji Suzahara. This arrangement placed her right next to the class rep, and right in the middle of a small group of girls who in another place and time would have starred in their own high school comedy anime. Fate was not so kind this time around, largely because this is an Evangelion fic and the author needed some additional victims...er...to expand the cast a bit.

**/T-Minus 10 Hours/**

Despite all the drama that had accompanied her arrival in class, Rei found that the other girls didn't seem to hold it against her. They spent the short breaks between classes getting to know each other, or rather, getting her to spill all the juicy details of her encounter with Toji. The class rep led the interrogation, of course, but once she'd managed to determine that Toji really hadn't attacked Rei, and it was an obvious misunderstanding, things settled down and the young pilot found herself starting to relax and open up a bit.

She obviously doesn't realize who's writing this story.

**/T-Minus 9 Hours/**

"Next period is lunch, you brought something right?" Yomi asked as the bell rang to end the third period.

"Um, no..." Rei said sheepishly, "I kinda got up late and had to run to get here."

"That's okay!" the overly perky and energetic Tomo chimed in from behind them, "This school has a cafeteria! They sell stuff and you can eat in there or take it out with you, so it's cool!"

"A cafeteria, huh?" Rei thought for a moment, "That's a little unusual."

Yomi shrugged and looked at the pilot over the rims of her glasses, "You wouldn't expect it from a public school, but I heard our school received a lot of extra funding when it got built."

_Three guesses where it came from..._

Sakaki leaned in to join the group gab fest, and although she looked like she had something she wanted to contribute, the moment the other four girls turned to look at her, the tall girl blushed and sank back into her seat in silence. Tomo and Yomi shared a look as Hikari reached out and patted her hand. Rei just stared at her in confusion. Sakaki had become an instant source of both admiration and irritation for the Third Child. She just couldn't reconcile the fact that a girl with a body like that (one Rei would gladly kill to possess) could be so shy and naive.

"It's not that big a surprise when you think about," Hikari said after a moment, "I mean, think about who all our parents work for."

Rei jumped a bit in surprise as Sakaki finally added her two-bits, "It was NERV."

_The hottie wins the prize!_

"That's right!" Tomo added as she came up out of her seat and struck a pose, "NERV! Our savior and protector from all that ails ya!" she finished with a wink and stuck out her arm to flash a two-fingered "V".

Yomi rolled her eyes in response, wishing for the seven or eight millionth time since grade school that her hyper-active friend would stop drawing so much attention to them. Or just jump in front of a truck, that would work good too. "That reminds me Rei," she said as Tomo started bouncing around doing the "We Love NERV" dance, "What do your parents do for a living?"

Rei blinked in surprise as someone face faulted, rather loudly, just south of her cerebellum, "Um...well..."

_Geez, talk about putting you in the spotlight, Darling!_

'You're not helping, asshole!' she thought in reply.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell us," Hikari added a moment later.

"Yeah," Yomi continued with a smile, "My mother works in the Public Relations Office, but she doesn't really do anything that important."

"My dad's a rocket scientist!" Tomo exclaimed as she slid back into her seat.

"No he isn't!" Yomi replied as Hikari and Sakaki busted out laughing.

"Yer right Yomi!" the wildcat fired right back as Rei felt a giggle fit coming on, "He's really a secret agent who just pretends to be a rocket scientist."

"No he's not!" the spectacled girl fumed as Rei joined in the others in laughing their butts off.

"You just can't appreciate the finesse with which he carefully crafted his perfect cover story!"

"That's not it either," Yomi shook her head, "Why would your father need a cover story when he's a janitor in the NERV cafeteria!"

Suddenly, Rei's laughter died and her eyes widened as an image of a grumbling older man flashed across her memory.

"Because that's the real cover story!" Tomo plowed on happily, "Everyone just thinks he's the janitor when really he's not! It's perfect!"

_He needs a better cover story._

"What happened to rocket scientist?" Hikari giggled.

"That was your dad?" Rei blurted out before she could stop herself.

"Whoa! You know my dad?" Tomo pressed in, pressuring a response due to her extreme "Cuteness".

"Yeah," Rei stammered in reply as she leaned back from the advancing wildcat, "Last week, after I got here...he..."

Suddenly Tomo's brain did something it wasn't designed for, it jumped to the right conclusion, "Wait. Don't tell me you're the one who started that pukefest on the bridge last Monday!"

Sakaki started turning green.

Rei was making a very good impression of melting into her seat, "Guilty."

"Man! Pop's was totally pissed about that! Two Monday Madness Specials with double curry, one shark fin ramen bowl, and what he swears was an extra chunky pepperoni and pineapple pizza! That was yours right?"

"Yeah," Rei replied in shock.

_How the hell? What is he, a vomitologist or something?_

"That's gross Tomo!" Hikari glared.

Tomo paused for a second as her brain went for the gold, "Whoa! Then that means you're the pilot! Right?"

Rei nearly fell out of her chair as the other girls jumped in on it and started firing questions at her. The rest of the students were not far behind them, except for one track-suited boy who just slumped in his chair and watched the circus with a frown on his face. It took sheriff Hikari nearly six minutes to restore order when the bell rang for the fourth period.

**/T-Minus 8 Hours/**

_Rei?_

'Yeah, I see it,' the girl thought as a large group of kids began to form around the tree Hikari had picked to sit under for lunch. She pretended to ignore them as she dug into her bento, even as she watched them out of the corner of her eye. She didn't recognize half of them and assumed they were from other classes. She started to get nervous when she saw the boy from this morning approaching them with his spectacled friend in tow.

Yomi paused half through her soba noodles as she noticed the crowd but Hikari and Sakaki were both completely oblivious to the gathering children (albeit for very different reasons) as their friend Tomo continued to yap away, equally oblivious, with the latest gossip.

"...so Kourin was like, 'Really?' And I was like, 'Well duh!' And Yomi just laughed..."

To say the Voice was feeling a strong sense of Deja Vu would be a minor understatement.

_Oh, shit, I think he's coming over here to kick your ass..._

'That's what he thinks.' Rei thought in reply as the boy came to a stop next to their little group.

_Just remember that his little sister got injured during the battle._

'I know, I know!'

Hikari's head whipped around in surprise as Yomi offered the boy a polite greeting, "Good Morning, Suzahara. What brings you here?"

"Hey, new kid," the jock said as he looked down at the new girl in class, completely missing the glowing look of admiration, and some small amount of jealousy, he was receiving from the pig-tailed class rep, "Izzit true?"

"Is what true?" the young pilot replied with a growl as she set her bento down and rose to her feet.

"Izzit true that yer da pilot?" he said as he looked her over with a slight grimace, "Cuz if it is..."

Rei's eyes narrowed as the boy moved his right hand up from behind his back. A second later she had stepped up and was driving her knee up between his legs. A dozen boys groaned in sympathetic pain at the sickening sound of the impact. The tall jock's eyes shot wide open for a moment as he doubled over before he fell over with a moan. Rei barely noticed the pen and paper that fell from the injured boy's hand. Then things started to happen rather quickly.

"Suzahara!" the cute class representative squealed as she rushed forward to offer him comfort.

"Take that, you Stooge!" Tomo whooped as she leaped up and started to dance a jig.

"That was uncalled for!" Yomi exclaimed as she stepped forward to help Hikari.

Sakaki didn't even notice as her attention had been focused for the last fifteen minutes on watching a cat climbing around in the tree. It was a really cute cat. Really cute.

Then, suddenly, school children were screaming in panic and rushing away from the conflict as two Section-2 Agents charged into the crowd with weapons drawn.

"Yeah! What if I am the pilot? You want a piece of this, Chump?" Rei yelled at the fallen boy as one of the security agents moved between them and started pushing her away from him.

"Are you okay Miss?" Agent Ozaki asked he tried to hold her back, "Did he harm you?"

"As if!" she snarled back as she tried to launch herself at the track-suited boy, "Bring it on, Cupcake!"

Toji looked up with tears in his eyes, as Hikari and Yomi helped him back to his feet, "I just wanted to ask you fer an autograph, fer mah sister..."

Rei's jaw hit the floor like the Second Impact.

_Oh fuck me sideways…_

**/T-Minus 7 Hours 30 Minutes/**

_I am so sorry Rei_, the Voice whimpered half an hour later as she sat outside the principal's office awaiting punishment,_ I never imagined things would be this different from the anime_.

"Shut up," she growled in reply as she leaned forward on the bench, resting her head in her hands, awaiting her fate, her thoughts kept returning to the looks of shock and horror on the faces of her new friends.

_No, I'm serious_, the Voice whimpered, _I never saw it coming!_

"No shit, Sherlock!" she snarled, her voice rising with every sentence, "I don't even know why the fuck I even listen to you anymore! First you get me to believe all this crap about Evangelion. Then you convince me to run away. Then I fall in the elevator and puke all over the floor, right in front of my dad, and God, and everyone! And don't get me started on that stupid floating guppy Angel I had to fight!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the Voice was brave enough to reply.

_Rei, I'm truly sorry. I know I haven't been as big a help as I...!_

KABLAM!

**"Fuck you, Fanboy!"** Rei screamed as tears filled her eyes.

The Voice whimpered in pain following Rei's brutal psychic bitch slap and quickly slithered away into the dark recesses of her psyche as fast as he could. Rei's loud cursing was still echoing through the halls when the door to the principal's office was nearly ripped out of the frame as the school's top administrator came barreling out into the lobby like the wrath of God himself. Rei nearly crapped herself as she found herself staring up into his glowing red eyes of hate.

Well, they sure seemed to be glowing at any rate.

**/T-Minus 7 Hours/**

"Get in," a grim-faced Colonel Misato Katsuragi said as Rei opened the door to the battered, blue Renault sports car that the good colonel would soon own free and clear in another three paychecks. It was a toss up whether the right fender would survive that long.

"I'm so sorry about this Misato," the young pilot whimpered in apology as she climbed into the car, "I really fucked up this time."

"Yeah, about three days of suspension worth," the buxom colonel replied as she put the car into gear and drove away from the school, "Lemme guess, Otaku boy led you astray again."

"You have no idea!" the young woman snarled, "He keeps making me think he knows exactly what's going to happen, and I keep falling for it!"

Misato thought about that for a second, "So what reason did the 'Oracle of Delphi' give you that required you beating the crap out of one of your classmates?"

Rei sighed and went limp in the bucket seat as she gathered her thoughts, "In the Evangelion anime, Suzahara's little sister was badly injured in the first Angel battle. He was so scared and pissed off that he blamed the pilot and beat the crap out them. And you know me well enough now that I don't roll over for anybody."

"Yeah," the older woman said with a frown, "I guess I'd have done the same thing if I were in your shoes."

The rest of the ride was made in silence.

When the two women came in the door to their shared apartment, their other roommate took one look at them and bolted for the safety of his private freezer without so much as a polite "Wark" in passing. Say what you will about Pen-Pen, the flightless fowl was no idiot. He knew trouble when he saw it, and he wanted no part in the drama that was unfolding. That, and the fact that he'd hacked the author's hard drive and read the beta version of this chapter.

Rei went straight to her lovely suite, deposited her school bag, and returned right back to the kitchen for the expected heart-to-heart with her guardian -slash- roommate -slash- superior officer. She wasn't at all surprised to find Misato straddling a chair at the table with a cold six-pack of Yebisu (the beer of champions) placed before her. The young pilot took the chair directly across from the other woman and waited for her to make the first move.

"Are we alone?" the older woman finally said after a few minutes.

Rei smirked as her guardian reached up and cracked open the first beer, "Yeah. I don't think he has the balls to show up for awhile. I went off on him like the Third Impact."

"Okay, Rei," Misato took a long pull on her beer, "On a scale of one to ten...?"

"Eight," the girl snarled as she started tugging at her thick braid.

Misato took a moment to digest that little factoid and then chugged the rest of her can, "So this isn't even the worst incident he's gotten you into, huh?"

"No, he can be pretty convincing when he wants...or thinks he needs, to be," Rei closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "Or if he thinks he can peep out some girl in the buff. But that's not even the real problem."

"Oh?" the colonel arched an inquisitive eyebrow with her second beer just shy of her lips.

"He made me a true believer. I fell for it hook, line and sinker."

Misato nodded, "Yeah, Rits and I were kinda afraid he might have put some thoughts in your head."

"That's just it, Misato!" the pilot replied with a groan, "He's right just as much as he's wrong! He wants things to end up better than what he remembers from the anime he watched! And I can't blame him for wanting that. Not after everything he's shown me."

"How so?" the colonel asked with a worried frown as she cracked open her third can, "What happens that makes him so determined to make you his partner in crime?"

Rei closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "We lose Misato. We defeat all the Angels. Win all the battles. But it doesn't matter in the end. Everybody dies in the Third Impact."

The third beer never made it to Misato's lips. Rei looked up to find the older woman's face etched in wide-eyed horror at this confession. At that moment the two women shared a bond no other human beings were capable of. One had survived being in ground zero of Second Impact, the other had witnessed the horror of Third Impact thanks to nightly showings of End of Evangelion in her own nightmares.

"But, that's impossible!" Misato gasped out past the shock, "How can Third Impact even start if we destroyed all the Angels?"

"Misato, after everything that's happened, I don't know what to believe anymore," the young pilot stared up at her horrified guardian with a look that was all wrong for a girl her age, the look of someone that had stared into the very gates of hell, "But if the hentai fanboy is right, the real purpose of Project E is to create a controlled Third Impact. If its true, then that means my dad is going to get us all killed, and I don't know how to stop him!"

Misato took a moment to collect herself before continuing, "I don't know what he told you, Rei, but your father is not trying to destroy the world. Trust me on that."

"How can you be sure?" the girl asked.

"NERV has a lot of secrets, Rei," the older woman said, "But believe me when I say that all of us, including your father, are dedicated to making sure there is no Third Impact. Maybe it's time we let you in on those secrets..."

**/T-Minus 6 Hours/**

[...and I don't know how to stop him!]

The recording came to a stop as Gendo Ikari hit the button with a snarl. Fuyutsuki raised a hand to his forehead and gently began to massage the pain growing in his temple. His eyes looked up and began to follow the elegant, glowing lines of the Tree of Sephiroth that was masterfully carved into the ceiling of the Commander's cavernous office in the heart of NERV headquarters. It was said that the Tree was a diagram from which the answers to all questions could be found. But try as he might, Kozo Fuyutsuki couldn't see it.

"It seems you were right, Ikari," the older man whispered into the pregnant silence, "The intruder is trying to use her against you for some purpose."

Gendo Ikari was not pleased as he leaned forward across his desk and hid his snarl behind his folded hands, "You heard what she said, Kozo. He made her believe it. And now she thinks we're really trying to help those ruthless bastards achieve their unholy goals. Yui...how could I...?"

Fuyutsuki took a seat at the edge of the desk and looked down at his former pupil for a moment and then reached over and hit the intercom key.

"Yes, Commander?" a young, nervous, female voice replied almost immediately.

"This is Fuyutsuki," the former professor said with a determined edge that surprised even Gendo, "Inform Akagi that we will be initiating Operation Jonah immediately. Contact the Director of Operations and inform her to have the Third Child present in the Sixth Cage to begin the final stage of the operation in six hours. That is all."

Gendo sat back in shock as he regarded the older man with new respect, "SEELE will never stand for this you know."

"Fuck them," the Sub-Commander replied, "If Yui were here, nothing in this world could stop her from going in and digging that maggot out of her daughter's head after hearing that!" he growled as he pointed at the recorder, "I don't care what you do to the bastard once he's out, but I won't stand for leaving him in there to poison her anymore than he has!"

"Agreed," the younger man replied with a gleam in his eye, "I only hope we can still salvage something of trust where Rei is concerned. I didn't realize how badly he had damaged our relationship. I won't lose her," he closed his eyes as emotion threatened to overwhelm him, "She's all I have left, Kozo."

The old professor sighed and laid a hand on the Commander's shoulder, "I know Ikari. I know. But I fear his actions may have limited our options. And there's only one path I can see that might mend the breach. It's time she learns the Truth that was Hidden."

The two men locked gazes for a moment. No words were spoken. And both feared where their path was soon to take them.

Long minutes passed before Gendo finally accepted the inevitable, "So be it."

**/T-Minus 4 Hours/**

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi checked her charts again as she waited patiently for the First Child to emerge from the Pilot's Locker Room where he was changing into his plugsuit. The research she had been focused on the past few days had taken a horrific toll and she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to beat back the edge of sheer exhaustion that threatened to claim her. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept, much less seen a real bed. She fumbled in the pocket of her lab coat and popped open the package of pills she routinely kept stashed there, and gasped as she realized the bottle was empty. Ritsuko took a deep breath and tried to focus, to remember when she had it finished off.

"Crap," she whispered as the memory refused to come, which was as sure an indication that she was running the edge of total burnout as she was likely to get. The pill bottle went flying into a nearby waste receptacle and the blonde went back to Plan B. Ritsuko lit up her next to last cigarette and took a good long pull off it before the locker room door whispered open and the quiet, silver-haired pilot walked out in his white Plugsuit. Ritsuko smirked at the boy's perfect timing, gave him a 'come-on' hand gesture, and started heading towards the Sixth Cage and the awaiting Evangelion Unit-00.

"Do you understand what we are hoping to accomplish with this experiment, Kawaru?" the fuax blonde yawned after a few minutes, as she finished her smoke.

"Yes Ma'am," the silver-haired First Child replied as they entered the Cage, "I am to synch with the Unit-00 Test Plug and enable the Soul Infusion Protocols in preparation for attempted separation of the mental contamination hiding inside Pilot Ayanami. Is this correct?"

"That's right," the doctor replied with a sleepy nod as they came up to the Test Plug, "Once you have done this, we can flush the Core and then put our little troublemaker in there in it's place. If everything works the way the MAGI have projected, the new Core Provider should allow you to synchronize with the EVA easier than before."

"Understood," the boy replied emotionlessly, "I will perform as you have instructed, Dr. Akagi."

Ritsuko gave a sad sigh as she looked down at the young man. He was a very handsome young man, but the doctor had to agree with Lt. Maya Ibuki. The First Child had all the personality of a zucchini. It was no wonder that the kid utterly failed to inspire any sense of hope in his piloting abilities. She knew for a fact that the boy known as Kawaru Nagisa didn't really live, so much as exist. She had spent enough nights with Gendo watching the boy through one of the video cameras hidden in his dilapidated apartment to know he did only the bare minimum necessary to satisfy the needs of his body and his duty. The rest of the time he spent lying on his bed or sitting at the kitchen table and staring at the wall.

Ritsuko shook her head sadly and looked away from the unnerving Child, 'What the hell did those bastards in SEELE do to you?'

It wasn't easy for someone to tell that the First Child did in fact have a personality, much less, feelings. It seemed so absurd, in fact, that Ritsuko would have been shocked if she had been able to hear the thoughts going through his head at that moment.

'I will do this for her. I will do it if it will bring her happiness...I look forward to meeting you at last, Ayanami.'

**/T-Minus 3 Hours/**

The Bridge was buzzing with activity as the crew monitored the First Child's progress in the heavily controlled reactivation of Unit-00. Voices professionally acknowledged the success of each step in the procedure, from the arrival of Pilot Nagisa in the Sixth Cage and the insertion of the Test Plug, to the successful linking of the Second Stage Connections.

[Lazarus Protocols engaged. Evangelion Unit-00 is now in hibernation mode awaiting Core re-initialization.] came the haunting voice of the First Child from the video feed.

"Confirmed! Unit-00 is now in Mode 5 Hibernation," Maya replied into her mic.

"Ejecting the Test Plug," reported Hyuga a few moments later.

Ritsuko checked the boards one last time and then turned to look up at the Command Bridge. Gendo was there in his trademark pose with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, his nod was barely perceptible, but it was there. Ritsuko nodded in reply and turned back to the Bridge Crew, took in a deep breath and gave the fateful command.

"Initiate Core Re-initialization Procedure. Omega Protocol!"

Fingers danced across three different keyboards as the Bridge Bunnies input the proper commands. Three fingers stabbed the Enter buttons in sequence and deep in the Sixth Cage, Unit-00 seemed to shudder for a moment, moaned in pain, then went silent and limp in its restraints once more.

"Omega Protocol confirmed!" Maya said as her screen flashed green, "Unit-00's Core has been flushed. The Unit remains in Mode 5 Hibernation awaiting new Core Imprint, Ma'am!"

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi nodded her approval, "Good work! Now let's get ready for the next stage. The Third Child will be here in just a couple hours!"

"Yes Ma'am!" came the reply from the faithful Bridge Bunnies.

"Well. At least that's one less problem we have to worry about," Fuyutsuki smirked as he watched the Bridge Crew go about the preparations for Rei's arrival, "I still can't believe what a poor excuse for a Core Provider that asshole turned out to be. Especially after the tests showed such a high potential synch ratio!"

"Indeed, another thing SEELE must answer for," came the dry response from the Commander. But a second later he grinned as a recent memory came back to him. The man known by many as the Bastard King smiled as he fondly remembered the day as he watched a very similar experiment being conducted in the Sixth Cage. Gendo Ikari savored the memory of the horrified look on the face of another annoyance in the split second it took for his synch rate to shoot through the roof, right before it turned him into orange goo.

"Goodbye Mister Croft...better luck next time..."

**/T-Minus 2 Hours/**

"So that's the deal kiddo," Misato said as she nursed her last beer, "Ritsuko says she found a way to get that guy out of your head. Doesn't even involve any needles."

"So what the hell are we waiting for?" the young pilot said as she practically bounced off the walls of the small apartment in excitement.

Misato waited a moment for the girl to slow down and got her attention. Then she lifted her can as an answer.

"Oh, right," the young pilot said sheepishly, "My bad."

**/T-Minus 60 Minutes/**

They arrived at NERV without any trouble, despite the fact that the place was manned up like they were at Battle Stations: Level One. It did nothing to faze Misato, who immediately headed off to find Ritsuko, but Rei found it a little embarrassing once she realized that she was, in point of fact, the cause of it. No one seemed to hold it against her, and some of the people she had met in earlier trips to the Geofront even wished her 'Good Luck!' in passing. Unfortunately this only added to the mix of excited nervousness she was starting to feel as the big moment approached.

Of course it would only get worse...

"Hello Rei."

Rei nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of the voice behind her. She turned and looked up into the eyes of the last person she expected to see, and replied, "Father?"

The tinted glasses he wore did little to hide the expression on his weathered face and Rei almost did a double take when she realized what it was: Regret.

"I know I haven't been much of a father to you Rei," he said as he walked up and laid a hand on each of her shoulders, "But I hope that I might find a way to make it up to you."

"Um...Okay," the entirely confused Third Child managed to reply despite an attack of nervous trembling.

"I know this is not a good time," the Commander solemnly stated, "But we'll talk when this is experiment over. And I hope you can find a way to forgive the way I've treated you in the past."

Rei gulped as her knees threatened to turn into jello at any moment, "I see..."

Despite the ambiguous answer, Gendo Ikari seemed satisfied by it. He smiled (an act which probably just caused half the audience to suffer massive coronaries), leaned down to kiss his daughter's head (damn, there went the rest of them) and then turned and walked away as if God was in indeed in his Heaven, and, well...you know the rest.

It took almost ten minutes for the rattled Third Child to regain her composure enough to even try to connect the dots. She ended up with spaghetti. With a side of sashimi.

"What the fuck just happened?" she said to no one in particular, "And what the fuck did you do with my father?"

**/T-Minus 30 Minutes/**

_Rei? What's going on? Did I miss something?_

"Shut up Loser!"

_Did the next Angel just show up?_ The Voice asked as he realized that they were headed toward the Pilot Locker Room with an unusual amount of haste, _Come on, Darling. What'd I miss?_

Rei grunted, "I get suspended from school for three days, and he asks, 'Did I miss something?' I get called to NERV for a top secret experiment, he asks, 'What did I miss?' I get cornered by the Commander for a little father to daughter heart-to-heart, and he asks, 'Did I miss anything?' You'd probably walk up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theater and ask her, 'Did I miss anything?'"

_Okay, Darling. You got me!_ The Otaku offered apologetically, _I'm sorry._

"You should be," she huffed as they arrived at their destination.

_Does this mean we're friends again?_ He sounded like a kicked puppy.

"Not a chance in hell! Now piss off! I gotta change." the girl growled as she reached her locker.

The Voice faded away again and Rei Ayanami sighed. She stared at the wall for a moment as she realized what was about to happen. Nothing would ever be the same after this night, and suddenly she had a doubt. But then the memory of the looks on the faces of Hikari, Sakaki, Tomo and Yomi after the incident in the school yard flashed before her eyes. With grim determination, the Third Child flung open the locker and started to undress.

**/T-Minus 15 Minutes/**

Rei had just closed her locker and turned to leave for the Cage when she realized that she wasn't alone. Crimson eyes met blue and Rei took a step back in surprise by the unexpected meeting.

"How long have you been here?" she demanded once she regained her wits.

"Just now," the silver-haired boy replied in a voice devoid of anything resembling human emotion, "I came because I wanted to meet with you. My name is Kawaru Nagisa."

"I know who you are!" Rei fired back as her skin started to crawl in response to his voice, "Why the hell did you want to meet me?"

"Because," he said mechanically, "I feel a bond with you. I wish to develop it in the hopes of becoming one with you."

"What the..." Rei swallowed hard as she started backing away from the other pilot. Everything she thought she knew about this kid was coming to haunt her with a vengeance, and she really didn't need this shit at the moment, "What the fuck is your problem, Wonderboy!"

"I do not understand," the silver-haired pretty boy replied in the cold, emotionless tone that was guaranteed to piss off the explosive female pilot like nothing else in this world, "I was led to understand that the success of this experiment might bring you happiness."

"Why the fuck should you care!" the girl spat back at him.

"Because I feel that this might result in developing a closer relationship with you," was the emotionless reply.

"Say what?" Rei nearly choked in response, "Are you saying you want to go out with me, you freak!"

"Yes," the pretty boy answered with all the emotion of a zombie, "I wish to become one with you, Ayanami. Because I love..?"

The boy never finished the sentence as the Third Impact hit early and Rei laid him out a haymaker. Kawaru lay where he fell, his sad crimson eyes staring up at her as he raised a hand to wipe at a small trickle of blood.

"Bitch! You don't even know me!"

Suddenly, someone was back, _Rei? I know this isn't a good time.._

"Shut the fuck up..." she growled as she turned and stomped out of the locker room.

**/Approaching Absolute Borderline/**

Rei ran all the way to the Cage and managed to get briefed on her part in the operation by Dr. Akagi before she saw Kawaru again. Unfortunately, the Otaku refused to shut up no matter how hard she beat him. There was no way to hide the purpose of the operation from him now, and the endless stream of begging and pleading was driving Rei stark raving bonkers. Then Ritsuko left to go over the final checks with Maya, and the Third Child found herself being approached by the silver-haired pilot once again.

"Stay the hell away from me, you freak!" she hissed as he closed the distance.

_Oh God! Rei, please don't put me in Unit-00! I'll do anything!_

"Please accept my apologies, Pilot Ayanami," Kawaru said as he came to a stop, "I have no wish to cause you further distress."

_I'm your friend! I'm only trying to help, you gotta believe me!_

Rei was at the point of ripping her braid out and beating both males to death with it.

"Eat shit and DIE, you fucking Doll!" she screamed at Kawaru as he stood and stared at her with that blank look that threatened to drive her insane. All she needed was for her dad to jump in and she'd go absolutely ape-shit-psycho.

_Darling! Please calm down! I didn't mean it...!_

"Fuck you and the dog you fucked to get in here, Hentai!" Rei screamed and started looking for something to start banging her head against. Hey, look! A chainsaw!

_Please, Rei! Can't we talk about this?_

"Rei! Please settle down!" Ritsuko said she rushed up with Misato, "We have to start the test!"

_Rei! Please don't do this! I'm too young and good looking to die!_

"Pilot Ayanami," Kawaru's emotionless monotone cut in, "This operation will fail if you are unable to control your emotions. Your life will be in danger."

"I know that, Goddamnit!" she screamed as she grabbed the other pilot by the front of his Plugsuit, "Fucking shut up and die you freak!" then she turned her rage inward, "Get out of my FUCKING head, you pervert!"

Kawaru blinked and then turned to look up at Unit-00, "I understand."

Rei's head snapped around as Maya suddenly screamed in terror, then she heard herself join in as her entire body was consumed in white-hot pain. The Third Child screamed as her skin burned. Light exploded in front of her eyes as she went pinwheeling away from the First Child to land in a crumpled heap on the catwalk.

Misato could only watch in horror as the massive arc of lightning leapt between the two pilots and up into Unit-00, the two young bodies being flung away and crashing down to the deck like twin sacks of potatoes. The lightning whipped up from the two Children and danced briefly across the cyclopean face of the Evangelion before it dwindled away into playful sparks, and then nothing. Silence descended on the Sixth Cage as two small bodies lay still on the catwalk, two small plumes of blue smoke marking where they had fallen.

**/Absolute Terror Field Deployed/**

Rei screamed as she snapped back to painful consciousness.

"Easy Rei," Misato said as she cradled the young girl in her arms, "You're safe now. It's over."

"What the fuck just happened!" the hysterical girl cried as she trembled in fear and pain.

"I don't know. I saw it, but I can't explain it," the Director of Operations hugged the crying Child to her breast as she glanced around at the assembled, and shocked Cage personnel. Then her eyes found her blonde friend and the Plugsuited body that lay next to her "Ritsuko? How's Nagisa doing?"

"He's coming around," her friend replied as she continued to check his vitals and search for wounds.

Suddenly the First Child opened his eyes, raised his hands in front his face, looked at them a second and then turned to Ritsuko and, with more emotion than anyone had ever heard out of him, said, "What the BLOODY fuck did you do to me, woman?"

Rei's eyes snapped wide open with a growl as she tore her way out of her guardian's arms. Misato gasped in surprise as the Third Child charged across the deck and launched herself at the other pilot even as Ritsuko yelped and leapt out of the line of fire. The First Child squealed in surprise and terror as the girl came down on top of him, grabbed the front of his Plugsuit and slammed him back onto the floor as hard as she could.

"Whoa there Darling!" he cried as he tried raise his hands to defend himself from her fury.

"You asshole! This is all your fault" she screamed as she started pounding her fists into his face. Rei giggled maniacally as she proceeded to go postal on the object of her displeasure, then suddenly stopped, 'Wasn't there two of them pissing me off a moment a go?' Rei stared down at the bloodied face of her prey for a few seconds before she turned to look up at the silent form of Unit-00 towering overhead and let go of the whimpering otaku in horror.

"Oh, fuck!" she whispered as she realized what a colossal cluster-fuck had just occurred, "Kawaru? Unit-00? Oh shit! Daddy's going to fucking kill me!"

The two older women looked at each other and shared a collective, "Oh Crap!" before their attention was drawn back to the Third Child as she suddenly threw her head back and started laughing her ass off.

The Otaku, now wearing a brand new (if bloody) Kawaru suit, slowly moved up to a kneeling position and watched his former ride rolling on the floor and giggling like a maniac, "It's not funny, Man! It's not funny! Game over! Game over, Man!"

**/The Angel Has Gone Silent/**

Fuyutsuki rubbed away at the headache that now threatened him serious bodily harm as he stood with Gendo watching the action on the main screen of the Bridge.

"What is it with Unit-00? Is that thing cursed?" he whispered.

Gendo just grunted.

Fuyutsuki shook his head wearily and said, "That did not go anywhere near as well as we had hoped."

"No," the younger man said as he stood up and turned to leave the Bridge, "It went better. Think about it. Three birds, Kozo."

The former professor watched his friend leave as he puzzled that one out. Then it hit him, and Kozo Fuyutsuki turned back to watch the monitor with a smile, "One stone. Indeed!"

To be Continued….

**A/N: **I can't tell you how good that felt. For those of you wondering why the girls from Azumanga Diaoh just suddenly crashed the party, hey, it worked. Can't believe how many spelling errors were in that one either. I lost count of how many different ways I spelled Kawaru's name. A couple of extended scenes and we can call this Director's Cut done!

Coming up in our next chapter: Getting to know (the New) Kawaru, SEELE has a meeting, dinner with Gendo, and ASUKA! That and an Angel that was scheduled to appear in this chapter! (And we might even find out just who the Otaku really is!) All this and more totally Useless Trivia in Episode 06: Hell's Belles!


	6. Chapter 6: Hells Belles

I'll say it again, I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it.

A**/N:** Useless Trivia (Director's Cut) comes to completion as Asuka finally joins the cast. And if that's not enough, we say hello to Kaji and two more new faces that I never expected to see, until I realized how much trouble I could cause by bringing them in to this. Oh, and the Director's Cut adds a new mystery character and we learn the Fanboy's true identity and origin story.

Hang on kids, the ride is about to get really weird...

**Useless Trivia (Director's Cut)**

By Species247

**Episode 06: Hell's Belles**

**/Meet Me In A Green And Pleasant Land/**

As the day ended in Tokyo-3, a new day was well underway in a city, it was said, on whose empire the sun never set. There was a time when this adage had indeed been true, but much of the former territories of the United Kingdom had long since gone their own way. And most of what had been left had been destroyed in the devastation of the Second Impact. London itself had seen better days but everywhere one looked was the signs of renewed prosperity as new buildings went up, old ones went down and the gigantic forms of three mighty nuclear aircraft carriers could be seen at anchor in the Bay of Essex, the great body of water which had nearly washed away the city fifteen years earlier and was now held at bay to the east of the city by the Great Prince William Seawall out beyond Woolwich and the old Royal Arsenal.

Or at least one would have seen such sights, if it weren't for the fact that it was a typical British Summer Day. Which is to say, it was dark as hell and pouring cats and dogs. This left one young visitor to the gloomy city a bit frustrated as she stood in the top floor lounge of her hotel on Oxford Street and looked out across Hyde Park at the blurred images of the buildings along Knightsbridge and the muted view of Buckingham Palace. Asuka Langley Sorhyu had hoped she would get a chance to get out and see the sights of the great city, but fate had other plans for her, and the massive storm system which had socked in over most of Europe for the past few weeks had seen fit to rain on her parade, as usual.

The past two weeks had been hard ones for the fourteen year old in the yellow sun dress. First had been the exciting news of her possible deployment to Japan, then the realization that if it happened she would go without her beloved Evangelion Unit-02. Still, the headstrong Second Child had packed her bags and awaited further news, only to find out hours later that her deployment had been delayed, the only good part of that had been the news that she would in fact make the move with her big red giant robot. Her journey had finally begun two days later at the port of Neo Danzig where the former American aircraft carrier Kennedy, now rather stupidly (in her opinion) renamed the UNS Over The Rainbow, had docked to take aboard her beloved red EVA and it's pilot. The fiery redhead had endured a somewhat rough trip through the northern seas by spending most of her time locked away in her cabin, after all, with the weather gone to pot as it had there was little to see or do aboard the great ship anyway.

She had been given a courtesy tour of the aircraft carrier and it's operations, but all that had done was convince the teenaged college graduate that conventional navies were indeed obsolete. None of the forty-odd year old ship's combat systems could really compare to anything she'd seen in the EVA Program and Asuka had simply gone and chosen to consider the storied combat vessel as a glorified transport for her EVA, with delusions of grandre. This of course did nothing to win her any points with the crew. So other than occasional trips to her designated water closet (why navy types always called a toilet the 'Head' was beyond her), and taking meals in the Officers Mess (again, why can't they just call it a dining room? Really, are they stupid, or just idiots?), Asuka passed her time in her room practicing her Japanese and reviewing anything she could find online about the city of Tokyo-3. Of course there was nothing on the net about the city's hidden weapon systems or EVA support infrastructure, she would have to wait to get briefed in on all of that, but the young pilot was bound and determined to be able to navigate the city as well as a native. It was a point of pride for her.

Besides, it kept her from sitting around moping, or worse, daydreaming about meeting up with two of her favorite people in the world when she got to London. But now she had arrived and was somewhat mad that the stupid storm had decided to go all Category Two just in time for her entry into the Bay of Essex. Her jolly boat (another stupid name, there was nothing jolly about it) had nearly capsized twice on the ride over from the carrier, but she (and the crew of the ship) had been happy to finally get her off the big floating airport turned transport, and her new luxurious room in the five star Royal Arms was a nice reward for having to endure such hardships. Of course this arrangement was only temporary as she would have to go back to the ship to complete her journey to America and then on to Japan. But at least this time she would have some company that would make the trip a little more endurable.

Asuka was almost giddy with anticipation. It had been nearly a year since she'd last seen her former guardian, Chief Inspector Ryouji Kaji. That she had a soft spot for the handsome, scruffy looking man was no secret to anyone who knew them. In fact, he had been the first person she'd called to inform him of the news of her possible deployment. She'd also made sure to keep him fully informed of the plan as her schedule had evolved and he'd agreed to meet her on her arrival in London. But something had obviously come up because she'd been in the city for nearly a day now, and no Kaji.

So Asuka stood in front of the big floor to ceiling picture glass windows in the lounge of the Royal Arms and stared out at the drenched city and fumed as she checked her cell phone for the sixteenth time that morning, hoping to find that she'd missed his call or that he'd sent her a text message. Or something. She was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she never realized someone was sneaking up behind her as she shutdown her phone and let it hang from the strap at her wrist. Only once she felt the small, hard, round barrel of a pistol pressed between her shoulder blades did she react. Asuka gave a slight jump and her eyes shot wide in surprise as cold plastic touched her bare skin just above the shallow cut back of her yellow sun dress. Then she looked up at the reflection in the window and smiled.

"Scheise! Mari, you little bitch!" she laughed as she turned to hug her friend.

"A little jumpy there, Sorhyu, nyah!" the twin pony-tailed brunette giggled as she held up her 'pistol', a tube of lipstick, and looked at Asuka seductively over the pink, plastic rims of her glasses, "How is my little frualein?"

"Better, now that you're here!" the Second Child exclaimed as she let go her hug to get a better look at the other girl, "Wow, you've sure changed!"

"You likey?" Mari cooed seductively as she shook her generous chest from side to side to set her assets to jiggling playfully.

"Showoff!" Asuka scolded as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and not some jealousy as she realized the girl had at least a full cup size, maybe more, over her now, "When did you get so...?"

"Big? Oh, I found out that the trick to making your boobs big was to massage them daily with a good helping of baby batter, Love," the brunette teased as her friend turned even redder, "That wanker, Mr. Kaji, was more than happy to help out on both accounts, nyaa!"

"WHAT!" Asuka went off as Mari just laughed harder, "You are such a liar, Mari! I swear! I can't let myself be seen with you in public. You naughty girl!"

"Nyaa?" Mari teased as she stepped around Asuka to place her hands against the window and stuck her shapely butt out as she looked over her shoulder at the redhead, "Yer right. Maybe you should spank me!"

Asuka smiled evilly and then gave the other girl a good, hard slap across her behind. On hearing a few people gasp, she turned to find that there were several other patrons in the lounge staring at the spectacle the two were making.

"It's okay," Asuka said with an embarrassed shrug, "She's British."

**/A Couple Floors Down/**

Ten minutes later the two were stumbling into Asuka's suite, arm in arm, giggling like two schoolgirls as they continued their reunion.

"Nyaa! Did you see the look on the old geezer's face when you said that!" Mari laughed as she let go of Asuka's arm and flopped down on the fluffy loveseat and patted the empty space next to her.

"Yes!" Asuka giggled as she joined her friend and got comfortable next to her, "I was sure his head was going to explode when I spanked you the second time!"

"And when you asked if anyone had a belt you could use?" Mari cooed happily as she wrapped her arms around the other girl, "His friend looked right eager to bugger the both of us if 'e thought you wouldn't put yer foot up his bum! Nyaa!"

"Oh, I suspect we could have finished them both off if we'd let him see this!" the redhead said coyly as she embraced her dearest friend and leaned in to kiss her.

The two girls both closed their eyes as they drank in the taste of each other's lips and moaned pleasantly as their bodies rubbed against one another. As they broke away, Asuka looked at her friend through half-lidded eyes to find Mari looking at her with a smirk.

"You _have_ changed, Sorhyu," the other girl said as she licked her lips, "Strawberry this time, Love?"

"You have a problem with my choice of lipstick, Makinami?" Asuka said as she held her friend and enjoyed the feel of her warmth flow into her body, "As I recall, you weren't a fan of peach last time we practiced kissing."

"True, but I also miss the intoxicating aroma of LCL that you usually wear so well."

"I can't believe you like the smell of that stuff so much," Asuka said as she let go of her friend and leaned back in the loveseat to give herself a full body stretch, "Normal people know to avoid that stuff like the Black Plague!"

"What can I say?" Mari purred as she enjoyed the view of the Second Child's fit and well toned body stretched out next to her, "There's something about it that makes me horny, nyah!"

"You perv!" Asuka snapped as she realized what her friend was looking at and leaned forward again to rest her elbows across her knees as she shook her head, "You never change, Mari. You're still the same little trollop I met three years ago! Still acting like a cat in heat too!"

"Yes, well...like I said. You have changed, Miss Sorhyu," Mari cooed as she ran her fingers down the other girl's spine, "You were never so bold as to actually cut loose in public like that. And if I recall correctly, I always had to trick you into the kissing part before. So what's the deal, hmmm?"

"Nothing..." the redhead whispered as she arched her back in response to the gentle brushing fingers against her back, "I'm just worn out from the past couple of weeks. The Commander kept changing his mind as to what he wanted to do with me so many times, and then there was the ride on that overgrown boat full of self important idiots!"

"Ahhh," Mari purred in the other girl's ear as she moved around to sit behind her, "Sounds like my little Asuka has been having a bad time. Let me help you relax. Nyaa?"

Asuka offered no resistance as Mari's hands took hold of her shoulders and began to massage away the tension in the redhead's body. And she did feel more relaxed with Mari. Maybe it was that Mari was one of her few peers in the EVA Program, not counting that emotionless doll of a First Child, and even though she'd never admit it, the fiery German really did need someone she could confide with and open up to. That person used to be (then) Captain Misato Katsuragi back when she was still her guardian back in Berlin, and she'd tried to make Kaji that person as well when he took over from the purple-haired woman, but Kaji had always pulled away from her advances and tended to treat her as anyone else of her age.

Kaji just didn't understand the young German's needs. Sure, she had something of a crush on the guy, what red-blooded girl wouldn't want to be with the scruffy looking rogue? But Asuka's ultimate goal had always been to gain his trust and friendship, to have him as that special person she could open up to and comfortably just be herself with. Maybe it was a form of love, but that didn't mean she wanted to, as Mari would put it, shag the bloke!

Asuka had been somewhat surprised when she had first met the other girl by how easily they had become friends when Mari had been sent for testing in Berlin. Despite that the girl had never been officially recognized as a Child, Asuka had sensed something good and honest in Mari that others could not. Sure, her spectacled friend was an unrepentant flirt who would hit on damn near anyone regardless of gender or sexual preference, as Asuka knew only too well since she had been Mari's favorite target the entire month she'd been in Berlin, as well as every time there after the two girls had been together. But Asuka respected Mari despite how her friend might try to embarrass her or provoke nosebleeds and lecherous looks where ever she went. The fact was that Mari was so brutally honest with herself and others that she never bothered to try and pretend to be something she wasn't.

Asuka admired her for that. As eager and driven as Mari was to be confirmed as one of the Children, she never tried to suck up or act straight in order to do it. Asuka almost laughed out loud at the thought of a Mari who was the meek and dutiful pilot that NERV had tried for years to make her. And the truth was that the girl was as bent as anyone Asuka had ever met. Nothing was taboo for the girl, and Asuka enjoyed their conversations, even despite all the teasing she endured from the perverted little minx.

Asuka's thoughts came to an abrupt halt as she realized said minx was up to her old tricks and had managed to slip the straps of her dress off her shoulders and was nuzzling up against her, hot breath against her bare neck and the soft crush of the other girl's breasts against her back as Mari moved in for the kill.

"My...my. It seems my precious Asuka has finally learned to relax and let her hair down at last," Mari purred in her ear as her hands continued to rub away the tension in her shoulders, "Has Hell truly frozen over? Or is it the Red Devil herself that has thawed out, nyaa?"

"Stop saying such strange things!" Asuka snapped as she slipped her dress back on, "What are you, an..."

"An idiot?" Mari finished for her friend, "No, Dear Heart. I just can't help myself, it seems. Especially after that little bit of foreplay in the lounge. I just thought maybe I should repay you for such a clear show of affection."

Asuka turned and slipped off the loveseat to kneel in front of the other girl and set her hands on the other girl's knees. They shared a look for a moment before Mari sighed.

"Not ready for the big show yet? Well, I can wait if I must," she said sullenly, "If I must."

"I'm sorry Mari," Asuka said as she stared up at her friend, "Is there any way I can make it up to you?"

"Oh, I suppose I might be mollified by the proper act of kindness," the girl said coyly as she raised her right hand to adjust her glasses and stared off into a corner of the room, "If the Great Asuka Langley Sorhyu is truly my friend, then she already knows the way to my heart...!"

"Shopping?!" smiles were shared by girls at that as they rose to their feet and hugged, "Deal," Asuka said.

"Of course I shall insist that you model some clothes for me, nyaa!" Mari added with a laugh and a wink.

Asuka had no doubt what kind of clothes Mari had in mind either.

**/Meanwhile, In A Scary Office Far, Far Away…/**

"I'm surprised at you, Ikari," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki commented as he read over a folder on the desk, "I was under the assumption that you intended great bodily harm on our uninvited guest once we managed to get him free of Rei."

"You were correct," Gendo said from his place at the window as he gazed out across the Geofront and watched as his daughter was exercising a newly repaired Unit-01, "I had written a whole list of painful experiments for him to experience during his imprisonment in Unit-00's core beginning with the high pressure tests Akagi has been wanting to do before we finish working up the specifications for the Type-D equipment."

Fuyutsuki laughed.

"Of course, our current situation required me to alter those plans somewhat," Gendo finished as he watched Rei doing sprints across the field.

"I just hope SEELE doesn't find out what we've done to their precious gift to us, " Fuyutsuki added as he flipped the folder closed and sat on the edge of the desk, "We still haven't discovered if he was in communications with the old bastards or simply awaiting orders or not."

"That he was inserted as a sleeper agent is not in doubt then?" the Commander stated more than asked.

"No," the former university professor replied, "Akagi is certain that his lack of emotion or drive is a clear indication that his true persona was in fact being suppressed in some way. Likely as not, brainwashing was involved. Of course, we have no indication that he is not that way simply from the ordeals SEELE had him endure in the course of preparing him to act as their tool."

"True enough," Gendo agreed as Unit-01 finished it's exercise and moved off towards an awaiting weapons bunker to start some new drill, "Still, I think that I prefer this arrangement in a way."

"Oh?"

"If the boy is truly a sleeper as we believe, then the only time we will be likely to detect him in communication with his masters is when they choose to trigger him. Until that point, it is enough that others see him continuing to act in accordance with his assigned duties," the Commander stated matter-of-factly, "Only if he were to disappear would the Council have any need to suspect anything."

"So you intend to release him back into the wild?" Fuyutsuki ventured.

"I do."

"And what of Rei?" the older man asked, "how does she feel about this plan?"

Gendo said nothing for several minutes.

"I see," Fuyutsuki said with a sigh, "Well, you know how she likes surprises."

Gendo coughed into his hand and then adjusted his glasses, "I will inform her tomorrow of these arrangements. She has agreed to have dinner with me."

"I see," the old man said with a smile, "Well, good luck with that."

"As to whether our guest actually avoids bodily harm remains to be seen," Gendo added.

"I take it that he is being stubborn in doing the small favor you have asked of him?" the Sub-Commander implied.

"Indeed," the father growled as he watched his daughter pull a giant assault cannon out of the weapons locker and start to move toward the forest, "Apparently he thinks that by stalling us that he is prolonging his pathetic life."

"Well, he does have something he thinks that we need," Fuyutsuki pointed out.

"Yes, but Rei has already provided us with a general overview of events in that scenario," Gendo said with a smile as a holographic target popped up in the distance and Unit-01 blew it away with an impressive display of holographic gunnery, "What we need from him are details and explanations of those who actually created this anime. We need to know what our scenario has in common with that one, and how it might affect what we are trying to do. These are things only he can give us."

"You are assuming that he will drag this out for as long as possible then?" the grey-haired professor asked with a knowing smile as Gendo looked back with an arched eyebrow, "I saw that you ordered Makinami to join us along with the Second Child. I believe Sorhyu should have arrived in London as of yesterday?"

"She did," Gendo said as he returned to watching Rei make her way through the exercise in a savage display of anger management at its finest as targets popped up and Rei hosed them down, blew them into pieces, and continued to reduce said pieces to holographic dust bunnies, "And dispatching the Makinami girl here is necessary if we are to properly utilize Unit-03 when the Americans release it to us in the next couple of weeks. She has the training, even if Marduk has yet to confirm her as the Fourth Child."

"We could tap one or two of the candidates we have on hand," Fuyutsuki said, "Bringing the Problem Child here could..."

"Cause problems?" Gendo said with a laugh, "True, but Sorhyu and her have built a solid friendship, and I need the best team I can get my hands on now that the Angels have been unleashed once more. But considering the unexpected deviations we've encountered, I suspect we will have need of drawing on our special reserve."

"So you think we should go ahead and bring in some of Rei's classmates as back-up pilots then."

"Yes," the Commander nodded as he saw Unit-01 get jumped by two illusionary Angels, only to take them both out in close combat with it's Progressive Knife.

"Regarding these deviations…" Fuyutsuki began, sparking Gendo's interest, "Do you think the Council is still in control...or has Nemesis derailed them? Who holds the reins of this scenario in truth?"

"I do not know," Gendo confessed as he turned back to watch his daughter continue her drills, "They believe they hold the world's fate in their hands, but our old enemy is not one to underestimate. I fear they toy with forces beyond their control.."

"Much less their understanding," the older man agreed, "Has there been any word from 'That Which Was Hidden'?"

"Not yet," Gendo said with a sigh, "But I suspect we will be hearing something soon. The game has begun and SEELE has set its pieces in motion. She will not sit idle for long, I fear."

"I see," the other man nodded, "Should I have Akagi prepare a list of candidates to consider as back-ups?" Fuyutsuki asked as he got up and started to walk towards the door.

"Yes, but tell her that we won't need it for a few days," Gendo said before his friend acknowledged the order and left the office. The man stood with his hands behind his back and watched with no small amount of pride as his daughter finished up her combat drills and went back to the bunker to put away her weapon before heading to the catapult cradle waiting to carry Unit-01 back down to the cages.

Then Gendo returned to his desk and brought his computer online to check the progress of the man now inhabiting the body of the former SEELE agent, Kawaru Nagisa, and smiled as he considered the wallpaper that was displayed as it powered up.

"Indeed," he said as the computer booted and the NERV logo blinked out, "God is in his Heaven...and you know the rest. Don't you, Mister Chase Magnum?"

**/Somewhere Hidden Far Below The Geofront/**

The room was bright, despite the fact it was completely lit by candles. The walls were masterpieces of the stonemason's art with hand-worked marble and gothic arches rising high above to give strength and support to the domed ceiling far above. Ancient tapestries and hand carved murals and gargoyles adorned the walls and added a majestic air to the room with a mix of medieval European and ancient Mesopotamian motifs. And along the walls stood antique shelves and tables holding a collection of ancient artifacts from dozens of lost cities and civilizations.

They were hundreds of archeologists and collectors who would have happily killed to possess any one of the treasures held within.

In the middle of the room was a small, yet elegant, pedestal upon which stood the greatest treasure of the entire collection. Next to it was a small desk covered in books and magazines. There were so many books that they in fact overflowed and were stacks all around the small desk. Sitting at the desk was a fourteen year old girl, happily reading the latest fashion magazine from Giga Press, making faint sounds of delight as she turned the pages to discover the next ensemble on display.

Every few minutes the girl would turn her attention away from the magazine to look at the golden artifact on the pedestal beside her. She had long ago memorized every line and curve of it, committed its design to memory. It was difficult to say why or how, but it changed every few hours. Such a thing should have been impossible for an inanimate object of such age, but the girl knew it was so. She just hoped it didn't get too animated during her watch.

The girl checked the time on her wind-up watch, took one last look at 'That Which Was Hidden', and went back to her reading.

**/Now Back To Sunny London/**

The weather had not improved as the girls got ready to storm their way through the commercial districts of Jolly Olde England. This left Asuka wondering just what idiot had first called England 'Jolly' in the first place. At least they had gotten the stiff upper lip part right. The only thing that made it endurable, especially considering the scandaless lingerie she was certain Mari had in mind for her to try on, was the fact that her other favorite person finally decided to make an appearance just in time to meet them in the lobby as they were leaving.

"Kaji!" Asuka squealed happily as she ran up and glomped onto his arm as Mari sashayed along in her wake.

"Asuka...it has been a while. Hasn't it?" the charming rogue said as the red-headed German teen happily rubbed herself against him.

"Oh, Kaji. We were just on our way out to do some shopping!" Asuka said as she pulled away without letting go of the man's arm, "You'll come with us, right?"

"Well," Kaji started, then changed tracks as he saw the hope in the girl's eyes, "I suppose I can fit some shopping into my busy schedule just this once."

"Good thing, too. Nyaa!" Mari joined in as she took him by the other arm and both girls began to drag him out of the hotel, "You won't want to miss this anyways," she said with a naughty grin at her friend, "Asuka has agreed to give us a show modeling sexy undies that's sure to put some wood in yer trousers, Old Boy!"

"Shut up you tramp!" Asuka shot back.

"Well, you did," Mari cooed, "Slut."

"Whore," Asuka returned with a look of pained innocence, "I can't believe you'd fill Mr. Kaji's ears with such base and baseless lies. You should be more thankful that the Great Asuka Langley Sorhyu is such a kind and forgiving soul or you'd have no friends at all!"

"Uh, ladies..." Kaji tried to interject only to be ignored by the two girls as they continued their spat with him trapped in the middle.

"Oh, is that how it is, Bitch?" Mari fired back with a grin.

"Like you don't know? Hussy!" Asuka added with a laugh.

Kaji stood under the awning outside the hotel and nodded at the doorman who stepped forward to wave down a taxi for them as the two girls started laughing as they switched to insulting each other in German, then Japanese. By the time the cab pulled up, Kaji's face was as red as Unit-02's as he realized that Asuka had somehow managed to expand her repertoire of cuss words by leaps and bounds since he had last seen her. As he ushered the two giggling girls into the lorry's back seat, he had only one thought, 'This better be one hell of a show.'

**/And Now To Our Favorite Apartment/**

"You have got to be shitting me..." the Third Child said as she read the card that Misato had just handed her.

"I shit you not, little Miss Potty Mouth," Misato replied as she sat down on the other end of the couch with a beer and looked over at her young charge, "Face it Rei, you really need to talk to someone about everything that's happened since Mr. Fanboy got into your head."

"Fine, I get that," Rei Ayanami Ikari said as she looked up at her guardian with hurt puppy dog eyes, "But anger management therapy as well? Come on!"

"I'm sorry Rei, but NERV has clear guidelines concerning physical assault on its employees, and that janitor whose ass you kicked the other day did in fact file a report," Colonel Katsuragi said she popped open her beer and took a swallow, "Besides, if you don't attend the sessions then we might have to revaluate your fitness to pilot EVA. You don't really want to lose your piloting status, do you?"

"No," the girl answered with a groan, "It's just that I'm not sure therapy is really my thing, you know?"

"Don't worry," Misato said as she leaned forward and laid a reassuring hand on the girl's leg. She smiled as Pen-Pen came out of the kitchen with his beer, and seeing the love-in, waddled up and laid a shiny flipper of his own on the girl's other leg, "Ritsuko and I have made all the necessary preparations for the therapists."

"Huh?" Rei asked confused, "What kind of preparations?"

"You know, the usual," Misato said as she gave Pen-Pen a look and the penguin gave her a mischievous wink in reply, "Tasers, straightjacket, padded room, tranquilizer guns, gag, shock collar..."

Misato and Pen-Pen nearly busted a gut laughing as the Third Child's eyes rolled back in her head and she fell off the couch as she fainted dead away.

**/And Back To England…/**

"Yeah, Baby! Work it! Work It! Nyaa!" Mari hooted and pumped her hand in the air as Asuka was indeed putting on quite a show.

Kaji covered his eyes with a hand as the redhead strutted shamelessly atop the long bench outside the changing room showing off a sheer baby doll nightie that did nothing to hide the barely-there bikini top and G-string she wore. Despite that he had indeed gotten his wish, he was shocked that the girl was putting the show on outside the changing room rather than inside where she and Mari wouldn't be so much in the public eye. And the pair were drawing quite the crowd.

"Hey Baby! Try this on next!" Kaji didn't even want to know what the lecherous onlooker was trying to get the girl to model next. Probably something with cutouts.

"You go, Girl!" Mari howled as she stuffed another Euro into Asuka's G-string and gave her friend a slap on the ass, "Work that thing, you beautiful German Tart!"

"You are so dead, Makinami!" Asuka fired back.

"Excuse me ladies," an older stern-faced woman said as she fought her way to the front of the crowd, "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave the store. We don't allow this sort of lewd behavior here at Pennyworth's Exchange!"

"Thank God," Kaji swore under his breath as the manager ushered the girls into the changing room and another employee showed up to try and get the crowd to disperse. He had hoped the store's people would react faster, like ten or fifteen minutes faster then that, but at least it was finally over.

Obviously he doesn't realize who's writing this story either.

**/Deep Beneath The Geofront/**

The girl was getting nervous now. 'That Which Was Hidden' was definitely changing, and faster now. Minute by minute it was altering itself and the girl had no delusions about it just being her imagination. She sat down her book and picked up a pen to make some notes on the changes. Then she checked the small rulebook on the desk to see how long before she needed to inform someone of the changes in the artifact.

Checking her notes and the time, the girl sighed as she saw that Threshold would not be reached for several hours yet. She would make her report when her shift ended.

**/Later And Several Blocks Away/**

Hours later the shopping binge had hit full steam and the girls happily dragged Kaji from store to store in search of new outfits, shoes and the latest fashions. The rain slowed but never quite stopped and Kaji continued to curse his fate as he ended up carrying all the purchases like some glorified pack mule. It was bad enough having one girl under his care at a time, and he had been both girl's guardian at one point or another, but having to deal with both of them at once was overkill. The only good that ever came of such an arrangement was the fact that they tended to focus their attention on each other rather than on him, with some occasional collateral damage such as what happened at Pennyworth's.

"Okay, let's get over and hit that place over by Notting Hill next!" said Mari as they climbed into another cab.

"Oh yeah! I remember that place!" Asuka agreed as Kaji held the umbrella for her before sticking the girls packages in the boot (why can't they just call it a trunk fer God's sake), "They had some shoes there I wanted to buy last time I was here!"

"Uh, Ladies, if I might have your attention for a moment?" Kaji interjected as he finally climbed in and collapsed the umbrella, "I really do hate to interrupt your fun, but I'm afraid we do have some important business to discuss."

"Can't it wait 'til later?" Asuka scowled at him for ruining her fun, "The ship doesn't leave for another three days!"

"Sorry Asuka, but we have new orders," the man said, feeling like a heel even as he said it, "We're leaving by plane tomorrow morning."

"That soon?" Mari whispered sadly as she looked over at her friend.

"But I just got here!" Asuka exploded, "I haven't even had time to spend with Mari! What idiot came up with those orders?"

"They came straight from Commander Ikari," Kaji answered with relief as he realized that Asuka's biggest concern was actually a non-issue, "But after reading them, I too have to doubt the man's intelligence, and sanity."

"Why is that?" Asuka asked, sensing that the other shoe was about to drop.

"Because Ikari ordered both of you to go, that's why."

"Say what!" Asuka exclaimed with eyes wide in surprise.

"Well, I'll be buggered," Mari said happily as she was hugged by her friend, "Finally getting my shot at the Big Leagues at last, eh?"

"Looks that way," Kaji laughed and extended his hand, "Congratulations Mari."

"Thanks Mister Kaji," the twin-tailed brunette said with a tear in her eye as she shook his hand, "Be nice to finally get my arse out of the Minors, and I hear Tokyo-3 is lovely this time of year."

"Hell ya!" Asuka exclaimed as she hugged Mari again, "You and me, Mari! We'll show them what real pilots can do!"

"So what Unit are they giving me?" Mari asked before she realized it.

"That's classified," Kaji said with a stern gaze, "Hence the need for privacy."

"Oh screw that! It can wait," Asuka said as she leaned over the seat to speak to the cabbie, "Take us to the Royal Arms, and step on it!"

"Youse got it, Doll!" the cab driver replied as he slammed the car into gear and hit the gas.

"Eh? What are we going back to your hotel for?" Kaji asked as the cab sped away from the curb and dove into traffic, "I know a nice little joint in Soho we can get a nice quiet meal and talk in privacy."

Both girls looked at him like he was an idiot.

"You just said we only got one night in London, right?" Asuka said.

Then Mari added, "You don't really ken we're just going to waste an opportunity like this, wot?"

"And you can't expect us to be seen on a night like this wearing anything less than the best, can you?" Asuka continued as the cab screeched through a turn and gunned it, "It just wouldn't be proper!"

"What the hell are you two babbling on about?" Kaji stammered as he felt something really bad was about to happen.

"Look, pal," the cabbie chipped in from the front, "Wot da lil ladies iz saying iz dat youse iz takin' em out on da town fer dis speshul occasion, roight?"

"I am?" the scruffy rogue asked no one in particular as he slapped his forehead, 'Yep, open mouth, insert foot. Way to go Ryouji, old boy.'

"Yeah! Party time!" Mari hooted as she danced in her seat and pounded on the ceiling, "This is gonna be sweet!"

"Hell yes!" Asuka joined in on the dance, "We are going to rock this town tonight!"

The cab screeched to a halt right in front of the hotel a few seconds later and the cabbie popped the doors, "I'll wait fer ya ladies roight here. I knowz jus da place fer ya to getz yer jollies if ya like."

"Sweet!" Mari exclaimed as she bolted out of the car and moved to grab her shopping bags out of the back.

Asuka followed her out as Kaji just sat there and said, "Just kill me now..."

**/If God Was In His Heaven, This Wouldn't Be Happening…/**

Lorenz Keele stared out from behind his visor at the other twelve members of SEELE's inner circle as he listened to the argument raging between the American and Russian councilmen.

"I tell you, Ikari is on to us!" the Russian delegate shouted across the holographic table as he pounded his fist on it, "That's the only reason why he would send Agent Kaji to America!"

"You worry too much, Vlad!" the American replied coolly, "I don't care what Ikari thinks he knows. Kaji won't find anything at Second Branch. Trust me on this. We have it covered."

"So you're saying that you have moved the packages you had hidden there?" Vlad Andreovitch asked with a snarl as he glared at the calm American, "My sources tell me you have done no such thing!"

"Of course not!" Senator Paul Kinsley replied, finally starting to lose his cool, "Those packages are the only things that are allowing us to complete the construction of Unit-04!"

"So the cause of the unexplained necrosis in the Fourth Stage organs was what we suspected?" the councilor from China put in.

"Yes," Kensley answered, "It was. The Packages you sent me seem to have neutralized the sideband energy being radiated by the other project we have going on there. As a result, it appears that Unit-04's completion now only lacks a core provider and final fitting of armor and the secondary sub-systems."

"How soon before you can infuse the core?" Keele asked.

"Commander Harris has already procured a provider," the American said as he turned to look up at the head of the table, "If need be, he could do it tonight."

"Have him do so, then," the leader replied, "Then see if he can set up one of his Sentinel pilots to perform an activation test before Ikari's people arrive tomorrow afternoon. I'd like to have it operational just in case something does happen while they are there."

Kinsley looked like he'd just swallowed something distasteful but nodded in reply as his Russian counterpart smiled at his rival's discomfort. Then Kinsley checked his watch, noted the time and offered his apologies before his image faded away from the table. There were a few grumbles from the others, but everyone knew the man had other engagements to attend to soon.

"Well then," Keele continued, glad to have at least gotten past the first issue of what looked to be a very long meeting, "What have we learned concerning the appearance of the Third Child?"

**/Welcome to Second Branch/**

Kaji climbed out of the official limo that had driven him and the two girls over from the tarmac where their chartered Star Raker scramjet had landed smack in the middle of the infamous Area 51. As far as the secret agent was concerned, the four hour sub-orbital flight had been about six hours too short for his tastes. He moved to the side so the girls could scamper out, and stretched his aching body, glad that at least the painkillers were working. He really didn't need to do any spy work with the killer hangover he'd been left with in the wake of Asuka and Mari's celebration last night.

Or was it even last night? He was having trouble remembering which side of the date line he was on, never a good sign for a man in his line of work. Maybe he could catch a nap before the next dog and pony show started.

"Greetings!" a sharp dressed US Air Force colonel with an impressive swatch of shiny medals said as he stepped forward and saluted them, "I'm Colonel Mathews, the Second Branch's Director of Operations. On behalf of Commander Harris, and the staff, I welcome you all to NERV America Second Branch."

"Thank you, Colonel," Kaji replied as he extended his hand to the other man as several uniformed non-coms rushed forward to gather the trio's luggage, "I'm Special Investigator Ryouji Kaji. And these two ladies are Second Child Asuka Langley Sorhyu and Provisional Pilot Mari Illustrious Makinami."

The Colonel politely offered his hand to both girls with a smile before continuing, "Well then, I suppose we should show you good people to where you will be quartered and give you a chance to freshen up before the big shindig! The Commander wasn't expecting you for another week so he had another function scheduled for tonight. But since you're here, I hope you will be kind enough to join us for the Grand Ball."

"What's the occasion?" Mari asked, obviously eager for another night of partying.

"That would be our Commander's thirtieth wedding anniversary. Commander Harris and his wife are quite the high society types, old money from back East, and we are expecting quite a turnout for tonight's gala."

"How sweet!" Mari cooed, "We'll be there!"

"Excellent! The party starts at twenty-hundred hours," the colonel said as he checked his watch, "Which is in about three hours and twenty minutes."

"Let's hurry and get changed!" Asuka said as she grabbed Kaji's hand and headed off after their guide.

'Well, at least I have time for a few winks,' the scruffy rogue thought as he let himself be led away.

In the skies above them, planes began to gather and come in on final approach. And there was quite a few of them.

**/Holy Crap! It's Time For Dinner With Gendo!/**

Rei was squirming in her seat as the main course was served. She had kind of expected to have dinner in the main dining area on the Geofront, or possibly at a nice restaurant topside with a great view of the city. But no, instead she was sitting at the head of a long table opposite her father in a room only slightly less imposing than the massive post-gothic cathedral he used as an office. Granted, the huge windows along the outer wall did give an impressive view of the Geofront from atop the pyramid NERV used as a headquarters, and she found herself feeling awed by her surroundings. Which, of course, was precisely what the room was supposed to do.

The appetizers had been quite good, and Rei had managed to relax enough to let her father, the scariest man she knew, to engage her in small talk. Most of it had involved him asking her minor details of her life with Mr. Sawada and her old school. He hadn't directly asked anything about the Otaku that had been stuck inside her head for nearly four years, but the nature of the questions had demanded that she wax less than poetic about him none-the-less. And much to Rei's relief, Gendo never once tried to get her to explain herself for anything that had happened since she had arrived in the city.

"So," Rei ventured now that it seemed that she wasn't in trouble for her actions, "How is the pervert's interrogation going?"

"Oh, you needn't worry yourself about that. I just have him making a full report on everything he expected to happen here in Tokyo-3," her father replied as he reached for another skewer of chicken, "Have you tried the yakitori rebaa yet? My chef does them quite well in tare sauce with just the right amount of sansho pepper."

"No, livers aren't really my thing. But the grilled dumplings are excellent," the girl replied before arching a brow at her father's skillful dodge, "So he's being cooperative? No trouble?"

Gendo looked up and acknowledged her point with a nod and a smile, "He is proving quite stubborn, but he is doing as he is told. Just not with the alacrity I would wish."

Rei rolled her eyes as she processed that statement, it figures that her dad would go and use big words, "So what you're saying is he's dragging his ass writing your report."

The Commander laughed, "That's it in a nutshell!" He looked at her for a moment as she dug into her side dish of grilled mushrooms in ponzu dressing, 'What is it with her and grilled foods?' he wondered. "I don't suppose you might have some insight into his gaijin mind that might speed up the process?"

Rei pondered that request for a moment as she chewed on a mushroom. Then it hit her. She swallowed her food and said with a naughty smile, "Yes Father. As a matter of fact, I do."

'Payback is a Bitch, Fanboy!'

Gendo laughed as his daughter explained her idea to him and then texted the plan to Operations before continuing the meal.

"So, Rei," the man began nervously, causing the girl's eyes to widen in surprise, "How are you adapting to life in the city?"

"Okay, I guess…" she replied after she got over the shock of seeing her father hesitate, "I'm starting to get the hang of it."

"Good," he said happily, "No reason to let minor challenges in life or school stop you."

Rei blushed at the veiled innuendo, "So, I guess you heard about all the ruckus at school the other day?"

"Of course," her father smiled, "Just because I haven't been much of a father to you doesn't mean I don't care what happens to you. If it weren't for the unfortunate circumstances regarding your unwanted companion, I might have found the entire episode entertainingly familiar. I too earned myself quite a number of suspensions from school."

"I know," Rei smirked, "That's how you met the Professor, right?"

"Indeed," Gendo smiled at the memory, "He bailed me out more than once, thanks to your mother."

Rei smiled for a moment and got serious again, "Father, what's going to happen to the Idiot?"

"You mean the Magnum boy?" Gendo asked equally seriously.

"Yeah, him."

"Once he finishes the small task I have asked of him, he will be released back to duty as the First Child."

"Oh," Rei replied, confused as to why it mattered to her all of a sudden, "So you're not going to kill him?"

"No," he sighed, regretfully, "As much as I'd like to, we need our enemies to believe Nagisa is still in place and under their control," Gendo paused as a thought came to him, "Rei, do you have any idea why he calls himself Chase Magnum?"

The man started in his chair as the girl across from him burst out laughing. It took a minute for her to settle down before she could answer.

"That's the name of his stupid avatar, or something," she began, still trying to suppress a giggle, "That's his character in the stories he's written. Chase is supposedly the son of two fictional characters; Abby Chase and Thomas Magnum. His mother was a secret agent from a comic book and his father was a private investigator from a TV show. Or something stupid like that!"

Gendo nodded with a smile of his own, "Well that explains the poorly written fiction he keeps trying to write on the computer instead of doing as I asked him. Seriously, as if Sailor Mars would even do that with him…"

"No kidding," Rei laughed, "She has better standards."

**/Back In The States/**

The party turned out to be just as big and extravagant as the two girls could have hoped for. All three had dressed in the same black and red NERV Dress Uniforms that nearly half the other three or four hundred guests were wearing. The other half of the crowd was split between uniforms from various American military branches and custom tailored gowns and suits that probably cost enough individually to pay the salaries of everyone on the Geofront for a couple days at least. Both Mari and Asuka were thrilled that there was a small twelve member orchestra with a grand piano softly playing Beethoven's Marriage of Figaro in the far corner. Kaji just looked around, getting a feel for the place and making note of all the faces he recognized from the intelligence reports. He wasn't all that surprised to see so many people with rumored ties to SEELE in attendance either.

The marine master sergeant at the door was announcing everyone as they arrived and the trio was a bit surprised when the crowd seemed to hush and look up at them when it was their turn. Kaji noted that most of the SEELE backers did not seem too pleased to see them.

'I guess someone failed to send you guys the memo, eh?' he thought smugly as Asuka and Mari swept past him onto the floor and started to mingle.

The party started slowly, consisting largely of NERV personnel and locals at first, but by nine o'clock the place was starting to fill out as the planes carrying the VIPs and powerbrokers from the East arrived and the who's-who of Washington made their entrances. Then at nine-fifteen, the guests of honor, Commander Thomas Harris and his wife Edith made their entrance and toasts were made and the dancing began. Of course, it didn't take long before Kaji and the girls found themselves being approached by the Commander and a small group of officers that strangely included three young boys in uniforms bearing the same organizational insignia as the girls. Kaji had to struggle to hide his surprise as he realized that Second Branch's own cadre of pilots was larger than he had thought.

"Is it just me or do these dweebs remind you of the Three Stooges?" Asuka asked Mari after the three male pilots had been introduced.

Mari answered with a sniggering, "Hey Moe!"

Of course the girls instantly became the center of attention for the three young men who tried to act suave and mature, but did little to hide the fact that they were only interested in getting the two girls away in private. They did manage to get the girls away from Kaji as the Commander drew the handsome secret agent into a discussion concerning some detail or other about Unit-01's actions in the recent Angel attack. For his sake, Kaji was sorry to see the two girls go as he had a bad feeling that the Commander had every intention of monopolizing his time for the foreseeable future. At least his secretary was cute.

The same could also be said of the company the two girls were being forced to keep. The three young Sentinel pilots (whatever the hell a Sentinel was) were indeed pretty things. But it was obvious the moment any of them opened their mouths, that none of them, not the blond one, the long, black-haired one, or the brown-haired boy with the sprinkling of freckles, had so much as a single brain cell between them. All they talked about was how awesome their Sentinels were and how superior their robots were to the Evangelions. That is, when they weren't trying to score points with the girls or giving their well-shaped bodies a look over. After about thirty minutes of enduring lecherous looks, totally lame sexual innuendos and trash talk about her beloved EVA, Asuka had suffered more than enough and went to find Kaji. She found him still talking to Commander Harris but managed to pry him away from the small talk for a brief moment as the head of Second Branch was pulled into a conversation with the newly arrived Chairman of the Military Affairs Committee, Senator Kinsley.

"What's up Asuka," Kaji asked as the Commander moved away.

"Those three morons are making me sick. If I don't get away from them soon, I'm either going to hurl or cause them all great bodily harm," was the redhead's reply.

"Don't think I can help you there," the man said as he scanned the crowd and reached into his jacket, "But considering how generous the Commander is being with his hospitality, I'm not sure I'll be able to get away myself. So there's a little something I need you to do for me," he said as he transferred two small items from his jacket to her hands, "You remember how to use these?"

Asuka looked at the items for a second, "Yes."

"Good, I figure those three lecherous boys probably would be more than happy to give you and Mari the Grand Tour, am I right?"

"In a heartbeat," the girl acknowledged, "You'll be needing the Whole Enchilada, public and encrypted?"

"Right," the man confirmed as he saw the Commander headed back, "Now hurry along and try not to get caught, okay?"

"Roger that!" the fiery German replied and then tucked the two gadgets into her belt before heading off in search of Mari once more.

"Good girl," Kaji whispered as she left and then turned to resume his boring discourse with SEELE's lapdog.

Mari saw Asuka first and waved her over to where the boys had her cornered near the punch bowl.

"So boys," the redhead cooed with fake happiness as she rejoined the three bundles of barely suppressed hormones, "I don't suppose there's somewhere nice and quiet we could go and get away from all this adult supervision, is there?"

Mari looked at her friend as if she'd just grown a second head until Asuka gave her a mischievous wink. Then Mari grabbed two of the boys by the arms and started to lead them out of the ballroom, "I agree, all these bloody grown ups are cramping my style!"

"Now you're talking!" the last boy replied as he took Asuka's hand and followed along, "I knew you girls were down for some action!"

'That's what you think!' both girls thought as they let the boys lead them away from the party.

The three Sentinel pilots had wasted no time in showing the two girls the finer points of the NERV facility known in some circles as Area 51. While letting the Stooges lead them down towards the main cages where the Sentinels themselves were hangared, Asuka saw what she was looking for, a maintenance access hatch to the Second Branch's MAGI system. Making a note of her discovery, she turned her attention back to the private tour she and her friend were being given.

"And here we are! Aren't they beautiful?" the blond haired one named Anderson said with a flourish as they entered the hangar bay.

The girls made the appropriate sounds of surprise and admiration even as they exchanged glances that said, 'You've got to be kidding me!'. The three Sentinel units were every bit as large as an EVA, which was really no surprise since that's pretty much what they were in the first place. But where the EVAs were true bipedal humanoid combat mecha, the Sentinels were only partly humanoid, mainly speaking they had the head and torso of an EVA but the limbs were purely mechanical. The lower half of the three units were some bizarre form of spider-like legs with wheels. The arms looked half-slapped together with gears and massive hydraulic pistons ending in pinchers that reminded Asuka of that Robby the Robot character from pre-Second Impact. The other main difference that Asuka could see was that they had no plug for a power cord like the real Evangelions did.

"So how do these things get power?" the red-haired German asked just to make conversation.

"Oh, that's easy," Anderson replied before the others could, "They have prongs that stick up out of their backs that let them siphon power straight out of the overhead rails you see in all the major tunnels!"

"Like a bumper car or trolley, then?" Mari purred as the other two boys nodded in agreement from either side of her, "That's pretty cool!"

'Like hell!' Asuka fumed despite the smile she forced onto her face, 'Any idiot can see that these stupid things are only good for duty below ground. I wonder why that is?'

"If you like, I could show you what it's like to pilot one," Anderson said with thinly disguised intent as he invaded Asuka's personal space and slipped his hands around her waist, "The view from up there is simply incredible!"

"I'd like that," the girl lied as she slipped free of the embrace, "But first I think I need to visit the little girls room. I think you said the locker rooms were back the way we came?"

"Yeah," the boy said as he misinterpreted her motive, "Let me show you."

"No," Asuka said as she turned to leave, "I'll just be a moment. And I'm sure Mari would enjoy seeing what you have to offer!"

Mari shot the other girl a quick glare that Asuka returned with a wink and a smile as she headed off to perform the mission she had been given by Mr. Kaji.

"So, Mari," Anderson smiled as he turned his lecherous gaze on her, "You interested in joining the Sentinel Club?"

Meanwhile, Asuka moved quickly back to the maintenance hatch and checked to make sure there was no one around before pulling the two gadgets out of her belt and going to work. The first item was pure spy kids material, an electronic lockpick, that let her easily pop the lock open and gain access to the cable runs. The second gadget was more complex. This one she set directly over the main cable bundle and pressed a button. A green light began to flash as the device began to secrete an acid that burned away the rubber insulation without harming the fiber optic cables beneath. Then the light stopped flashing and burned a solid green as it sank thin cables of it's own into the exposed wires and began to relay the data it found through it's transmitter.

Her mission complete, Asuka reset the hatch in place and locked it before pocketing the lockpick and hurrying away to find the locker room. Now she really did need to pee!

Far above the Nevada desert, a Japanese weather satellite picked up the encrypted signals sent by the electronic spy and relayed them to another satellite just over the Earth's horizon. That satellite, another Japanese owned one, normally just beamed 300 channels of cable television down across the Pacific Rim and Asia. Today it also beamed down the take from Asuka's little act of espionage to a hidden receiver in the heart of the city known as Tokyo-3.

Unfortunately, none of these acts went completely unnoticed.

**/Back At The Party/**

Harris was furious as he put away his phone. Kaji had snookered him good. The Bridge Crew didn't know exactly what was being transmitted out of the base, but the sheer quantity of the data flow suggested one of the secret agent's little girlfriends had managed to hack into the MAGI itself while Kaji stood there being social and distracting Harris and his people into thinking that he was harmless. Kaji was just lucky the Commander wasn't wearing a sidearm at the moment or he'd probably already be dead. The worst part was that Kinsley was here and acting nervous as a cat in a dog pound.

'I don't need this shit,' Harris thought with a snarl as he waved over a Marine Captain.

"New orders, Marine," the Commander said as calmly as he could, "Arrest our three guests from NERV HQ and lock them in the brig as quietly as possible."

"Aye, aye, Sir!" the Marine responded, turned on his heel and fast marched away toward a group of uniformed non-coms near the main entrance.

**/Far Below The City of Tokyo-3 Lies Hell, Below That Lies A Certain Fanboy/**

The fanfic author known as Chase Magnum had, despite his well trained sense of time, lost track of the time long ago. His uncanny intellect told him that his years of undercover work and lockpicking skills were for naught against the high-tech deathtrap he found himself in. If only some bored or lonely female henchgirl might wander down here that he might pit his inhuman charm and animal magnetism against, breaking down her resistance and convincing her to join the side of light and Angels...

"Crap" he groaned as his daydream evaporated, "Just my luck. There I go thinking up another awesome idea for a self-insert fic and I have to go and start thinking about Angels..."

Chase looked at the computer screen for a moment and then hit the Enter button, saving the file and sending a copy to wherever the hell they were keeping tabs on him, 'Straight to Gendo's office, I'll wager.'. The now silver-haired teenager leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before deciding that it was one ceiling he wished truly was unfamiliar. Exhaustion was eating away at him, which was weird considering that the only thing he'd been doing was sitting on his ass typing away on this computer ever since they shoved him in this hole and threw away the key.

Hoping for something to peak his interest or at least offer some hope of amusing himself, Chase looked around his small and spartan quarters deep beneath the Geofront.

'Damn,' he thought, 'That Goth Loli Rei PVC figure with the Cast-Off dress would be really nice about now.'

His cell offered little in the way of comforts, just a worn bed, a toilet and sink in the corner, and the table and chair with the computer where he'd been slowly typing up a full report on everything he could remember about the TV series he had unwittingly found himself taking part in. He had been deliberately going slow in order to postpone any future unpleasantness the Commander might have in store for him.

'And lets face it,' he thought, 'The Bastard King has it in for me.'

He was ready to give up for the moment and just go to bed when the computer beeped at him. Curious, Chase pointed the cursor at the new icon that had appeared on his rather empty toolbar and clicked it. The first thing he had discovered about the computer was that NERV had swept it clean of everything except the word processor he was using for the report. 'Bastards even took off the crappy games like minesweeper and solitaire,' the otaku thought angrily as a new screen opened up. Then his eyes widened in surprise as a picture of the buxom Colonel Katsuragi appeared. Chase nearly had a heart attack on the spot as he laid eyes on the tiny bikini the well endowed Director of Operations was wearing in the picture, but the thing that really knocked his socks off was that there was a handwritten message across the lower half of the image that said:

Way to go Chase!

You have completed one episode out of twenty-six!

Here is your reward!

Now work hard and I'll give you some more service!

XOXO Misato.

"There is a God!" he squealed.

**/Back On The Bridge/**

Misato and Ritsuko stood at Maya's station on the Bridge watching the prisoner in his cell via the closed circuit cameras as the rest of the Bridge Crew went about their business, or at least trying to act like they were. Misato was shaking her head as Ritsuko nursed a cigarette and watched her friend fret as they waited to see which way the boy would jump.

"This is never going to work," the buxom captain mumbled for the tenth time since they sent the picture.

Ritsuko just snorted and blew a smoke ring at her friend.

Then a voice spoke over the live feed again and Misato's eyes shot wide as she asked, "Did that little freak just say what I think he did?"

"Not sure, Ma'am," Maya replied as she opened a second window on the screen and replayed the event in question.

The Bridge grew very quiet as the three women leaned in close to hear what was said.

[Oh my dear Captain Funbags! I live for more service!]

"God damn!" three female voices said in near unison.

"The little hentai bastard can't even get my rank right…" Misato snarled under her breath.

Then Ritsuko took one last look at the live feed and snapped her fingers to get Misato's attention. When the other woman gave her a pouting look, Ritsuko pointed at the image of the silver-haired pretty boy hammering away at the keyboard at 120 words a minute. Misato looked at the scene for a moment and turned to find the blonde holding her hand out with a smirk. The Director of Operations scowled, reached into her jacket, pulled out her money, counted out some bills and shoved them into Dr. Akagi's waiting hand before storming her way off the Bridge.

Ritsuko had counted out her winnings twice before her protégé finally felt it was polite to ask, "So, Ma'am, how much did you take her for?"

"Ten thousand yen," Ritsuko said with a happy grin, "Just like old times! She just never learns."

**/As God Continues His Vacation…/**

Keele wasn't happy with what little the Chinese councilman had managed to dig up on one Rei Ayanami Ikari. That no one in the holographic conference had seen her appearance coming was more than a little unnerving as well. Gendo had managed to pull a fast one on them despite everything!

"We further believe that Ikari had her name changed deliberately in order to hide the fact that they were related in any way," the China man concluded.

"Brilliant deduction!" the Russian bellowed from further down the table, "Did you come up with this all by yourself, or did your secretary suggest it after faking another orgasm?"

"I'm simply stating the facts as we have learned them," the Chinese delegate replied with a harsh stare.

"What concerns me most," the British councilor said, drawing both rivals attention, "Is that we never even suspected that Ikari had another child at all. Especially considering what we are hiding in Nevada!"

"You make a good point," the Russian conceded, "Add that to the fact that he let one out in public and kept the second one in seclusion only makes it more obvious that Ikari has been playing his own game right from the start."

"So you think he did in fact court his wife specifically in order to worm his way into our good graces for his own ulterior motives?" Keele pondered out loud, "That may be giving the man too much credit."

"Perhaps this is so," the Chinese man agreed, "But what does our esteemed Japanese colleague think about these developments?"

Every head turned to face the far end of the table where the elderly ex-Prime Minister of Japan sat with his hands strangely folded before his face, not unlike a certain Commander.

"My friends," he answered after a long moment, "I think my ambitious son-in-law has indeed been keeping secrets from me."

**/Back In The Desert…/**

"Wow, she's a beauty all right," Mari lied as the three boys showed her the inside of the Entry Plug of Unit-S3, "I'm surprised by how big it is!"

"You like'm big, huh?" Anderson chuckled as he laid the uniform jacket she'd handed him earlier aside, "I bet you'd love feeling the power of it between your legs once she was started up!"

"Hell ya!" the girl replied with a wink at him as she ignored the jealous glares of his two friends, "That sounds like fun!"

Their witty banter was suddenly interrupted as Anderson's cell phone went off, "Crap!" he exclaimed as he pulled it out and answered it.

His buddies, on the other hand, took this opportunity to move back in on the girl while he was distracted. For her part, Mari was almost happy to drive the knife in his back and see how far she could push the three before they started fighting over her, but something in Anderson's voice as he talked to the person on the phone was ringing alarms in her head. Then he ended the call and turned to look at her with a predatory grin.

"Well, Miss Makinami," he said as he walked back and grabbed her by the arm, "It looks like your friend has been a very naughty girl. The boss man says we're to detain both of you until the marines get here to take your asses to the brig!"

His buddies looked at him in shock for a second.

"Of course, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun before they get here."

Now the other two were all smiles as they crowded in around her.

"Hey, no need to get rough with me!" she exclaimed as she backed away, "No hard feelings, okay?"

"That depends on how nice you decide to be to us for the next few minutes," the blond boy said as he advanced on her.

"Oh, I can be very nice," Mari purred as she subtly reached behind her back, "But not to you wankers!" she said as she whipped her arm up and sprayed them all in the face with a small can of mace.

The girl giggled as the three would-be rapists fell to the floor screaming and clawing at their eyes. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

Kaji cursed as he stuck his phone back in his pocket and quickly scanned the room. But he could see that Mari's call had come too late. Every exit was covered by marines and three Section-2 agents were making a beeline for him. He might have escaped by pulling a James Bond and jumping out the window, or something equally as stupid and pointless, but Kaji was a man who played the odds, and his gut instinct was to go quietly and wait for the right opportunity. So when the three men-in-black moved up to him, he joined their little parade without a struggle and let them escort him out. The rest of the guests never even noticed as the band played on.

"Better shag it, Love!" Mari's voice sang happily over the sound of three young boys screaming as Asuka answered her phone, "I think the jig is up. The Commander just unleashed the hounds on us!"

"Copy that," the German girl replied as she headed to the door of the locker room, "I'm headed back now!"

"See you soon! See you soon! Nyaa!" the other girl said as she cut the line.

Asuka had just started to open the door when she heard the unmistakable sounds of armed men kicking in doors and clearing rooms not far away. Cursing under her breath, she backed away and looked around for another exit. The rooms looked like the ones she knew well enough back in Germany, so she figured there was an exit on the other side of the locker area and headed towards it. Then her suspicions were confirmed when she heard that door get kicked in as well.

Suddenly she was trapped with armed men converging on her from two directions and only seconds to find a place to hide.

**/Back In The Cage/**

Mari had just finished tying up her three prisoners and was looking over the crappiest excuse she could imagine for a Plugsuit when the far door banged open and a squad of marines came swarming into the hangar bay. The girl frantically looked around for an escape route until one marine saw her, and the three bodies lying on the floor, and opened fire.

"Oh, bullocks!" she cried as the bullets snapped by, then she looked up and saw the open Entry Plug of Unit-S3. She didn't even hesitate as she grabbed the ugly green and silver Plugsuit and ran for the ladder, "You wanna fight? You wanna fight? I'll give you arseholes a fight!"

The marine sergeant was about to order the other man to cease fire when Mari dove out of cover and started up the ladder, then he realized what she was doing and ordered his men to open up. The only things that saved the girl's life was the fact that the marines were shooting at long range under poor lighting conditions, and that she moved damned fast! She shimmied up the ladder like a scalded cat and rolled over onto the platform as the marines sprayed bullets all around her. Then she took a deep breath, and shot up off the floor and ran flat out for the open hatch. She hissed as hot lead creased her left shoulder, then leapt thru the opening and slammed her hand against the door pad. The hatch hissed shut over her head and she eagerly started stripping her clothes off as she brought the controls for the Plug transfer systems online.

"Damn that hurts!" she snarled as her wound throbbed in pain as she struggled to get her shirt off, "But this is too damn exciting!"

The marines had stopped shooting once Mari had made it into the Plug, and had begun advancing by teams to secure the platform when the overhead crane started to life and began moving the Entry Plug toward the socket in the back of the awaiting Sentinel. Realizing what was likely to happen, and cursing the fact that his team hadn't brought any grenade launchers or anti-tank rockets, the sergeant ordered the retreat. Then he called the control center to report what was happening, and immediately wished he hadn't.

Mari frowned as the Sentinel's computer informed her that she was an unauthorized personnel in a top secret mobile weapon system for the second time, "Yeah-yeah, whatever, ya stupid bucket of bolts! Command Authorization Code Alpha Three-Seven! Backdoor Code Joyride!"

"Code Joyride Accepted," came the dull voice of the AI, "Emergency Activation Proceeding."

"Idiots never purged Dr. Sorhyu's original programs, nyaa?" Mari snickered as she struggled to put on the crappy Plugsuit, "Doing good. Doing good. I'll have to thank Asuka for sharing her mother's secret backdoor codes with me!"

**/Back In The Locker Room/**

For her part, Asuka was just happy that the marines sent after her were so damn overconfident. They never thought to look for her in the crawl space above the floating ceiling as they swept through the locker rooms. The only problem was that no one ever thought to clean up there either, and the girl was rather pissed by how dirty her dress uniform had become as a result. The marines finished their sweep and moved on, but Asuka waited a few minutes to make sure no one else was lurking around before she came back down.

Now she a had a serious problem. The marines were now between her and Mari, armed to the teeth, and looking to arrest them for crimes she couldn't well deny were high, and possibly treasonous. She walked to the back exit and peeked out, hoping the corridor might allow her an alternate route back to Mari. But as she looked out, her eyes were drawn to a plaque on the far wall indicating the directions to various other places of importance that the pilots might have need to have directions to. Places like Medical, the Cafeteria, and the Unit-04 Construction Cage.

Asuka smiled, and then quietly slipped out of the locker room and went creeping towards the Evangelion Cages.

**/Elsewhere On The Base/**

Kaji was a bit surprised that the marines had not joined the little party that was currently escorting him to the brig. He was even more surprised that the senior Section-2 agent had left the other two flunkies to take charge of him once he was out of the ballroom and in cuffs. The man had left promising him that his two young accomplices would soon be joining him, and then turned and headed back towards the party, just like in the movies.

Not that Kaji put much faith in what secret agents did in the movies, he was a bit more realistic in his view of the world. But Second Branch's Section-2 was living up the standard of your typical Hollywood type henchmen, they had only given him a cursory frisking that completely missed the fact that he had a set of handcuff keys stashed in his belt.

"I hope this shit doesn't take too long," the first agent said to his buddy, "I got myself a sweet little piece of ass waiting for me back there to peel her out of her expensive gown."

"Keep dreaming, Dude," his friend laughed back at him, "By the time you get back to the party, she'll be off in the coat room with six of the marines!"

"Man, don't say shit like that!" the first fired back, "I've been working on her ever since she got off the jet from Rhode Island. She's totally high class, nice rack, long blond hair, and the cutest dimples you ever seen!"

"Wait...You're not talking about Sabrina Covington, are you?"

"Nah, Meredith Harrington," the first man replied, "But I wouldn't mind nailing her too. I think they might be related..."

"Sorry Boys," Kaji said as he finally managed to slip out of the handcuffs, which had been more complicated than usual since the two men held him by the upper arms, "But the ladies are going to have to wait."

"Oh? Why's that?" asked the second Section-2 man.

"Because you two have a date..." Kaji said as he brought his arms up and out of their grip before head-butting the second guy and mule kicking the first, "With the Sandman!"

The scruffy rogue then proceeded to render both agents unconscious and moved them into a convenient storage room before taking back his cell phone and relieving the two men of their weapons.

"Pathetic," he mumbled as started tying them up with duct tape, "These guys would never have made it under Ikari's command. Where'd they get these buffoons, Thugs-R-Us?"

**/Somewhere South Of Hell Lies A Secret Chamber/**

Lorentz Keele waited patiently as the elevator descended deep into the earth beneath his mansion in the Swiss Alps. The SEELE meeting had been a long one and he was still muddling over everything he had learned. The fact that Gendo had somehow managed to hide the existence of another child of him and Yui was a hard pill to swallow, but even more troubling was the question why. Had Ikari realized that SEELE might try to get to him through his children? The obvious answer was yes, as he had taken steps to ensure that Keele and his people never found out about one of them.

The elevator came to a stop and its doors opened on a clean, bright white room with six black suited men with automatic weapons. The leader nodded in greeting to the old man as he stepped out and began walking to the door at the far end of the room. Keele swiped his card in the reader and waited for the security system to scan his retinas before the steel door swished open and the old man stepped into the airlock. It took the system nearly a minute to cycle him through, but Lorentz paid it no mind, such was the price to pay to keep this particular chamber and its contents secret and secure from the rest of the world. And that included the rest of his so called peers in SEELE.

"Good Morning, Lorentz Keele," a melodic voice greeted him as the final door opened and he stepped into the large chamber, "I was starting to wonder if you had forgotten about me."

The chamber was sparsely filled by machinery that served only to support the isolation tank standing in the middle of the room and Keele walked calmly up to it to peer into it's depths at the strange being of energy that floated within it.

"Hello Tabris," he greeted it, "Events have conspired to keep me away. But I require your input now. I have a need to learn more about the Third Child Ikari has appointed to pilot Unit-01."

"Glorious Evangelion Unit-01?" the Angel of Free Will replied in it's hauntingly beautiful voice, "There is little I can tell you since we speak not of the Third Child that Fate had chosen."

"True," Keele stated with a bit of a smirk, "But your avatar is the only one in position to get me the answers I require. Has the First Child made contact with her?"

"Yes," the Angel answered.

Keele waited for a minute before prodding, "And?"

"She refused his advances," Tabris replied sweetly, "Then she kicked his ass."

"I see," the old man pondered that for a moment, "That confirms what little we do know of her. She seems unusually violent for a fourteen year old girl."

"Yes," the Angel said, almost happy with himself.

"Very well," the head of SEELE said as he made his decision, "I need you to get close to her and earn her confidence. I don't care what it takes, just have the pawn learn everything it can about her and get into a position to act at a later date," then he added, "And don't raise any suspicions about him while you are doing it. Kawaru Nagisa must remain in position to play his part in the ceremony when the time comes."

"Understood," the Angel practically sang in reply as the old man turned and left the room.

Tabris floated happily in the tank as he was once again left alone by himself, to ponder the path he had chosen, and the petty designs of the human who called himself his master.

'How little you know, mortal,' Tabris thought happily, 'Your precious scenario has been derailed. Your so-called pawn has become a rook. The final pieces are moving into place. The board is almost set. God is in His Heaven...'

...And yeah...you know the rest.

**/Back In Nevada/**

Kaji had seen many things in his life, but the sight that lay before him definitely took the cake. He wasn't sure whether it was the sight of the two naked kids floating together in a tank of green fluid in the corner of the control room, or the massive glowing creature in the large chamber beyond (that had to be the ugliest excuse for an Angel he could imagine), but one of the two elements was pushing this scene right past surreal, and straight into Twilight Zone territory. The five uniformed technicians stood with hands raised, acting like this sort of thing happened every day (monitoring evil mad science equipment and an Angel, or being held at gunpoint, you decide). When Kaji had read the report giving him what little details they had on the goings-on beneath Second Branch, he didn't remember anything about naked fourteen year-olds or Angels being kept as pets. Some days he really hated this job.

But before he had a chance to gather his wits and figure out how to handle this latest wrinkle, the doors at the far end of the room burst open and four Section-2 agents swept in with automatic rifles. Kaji leapt for cover as the first thug opened fire.

Unarmed technicians ran for safety as the gunmen poured lead into the computers and equipment around the room and Kaji dug himself a hole in the back of a sturdy looking console. The lead technician stopped her flight for a moment as she looked to see what kinds of expensive and vital equipment was being turned to scrap, and her jaw dropped as she realized what was about to happen.

Too late, the Section-2 men realized their mistake as the energy fields holding the Angel in stasis flickered and died.

**/In Unit-04/**

Asuka smiled as the half-finished Evangelion accepted her mother's old backdoor codes and started to come to life around her. She tried to relax as the plug filled with LCL, but that was one part of the process she had never gotten used to. Then there was the reassuring tingle of the First and Second Stage A-10 Neural Connections before the plug lit up in the psychedelic flash of the boot-up program. Finally the lights passed and the canopy seemed to turn translucent as the Evangelion came fully online.

"Alright, Asuka," she said to herself, "Let's do this!"

"About time you found a ride," Mari purred as her face popped up on a view screen at Asuka's elbow, "I was starting to think maybe you got stuck in the 'loo!"

"No, but there was some trouble getting out," the fiery German laughed as Unit-04 finished activating, "The natives are not very friendly, are they?"

"No! No!" the other girl giggled in response, "But those three strapping young lads you stiffed me with certainly tried to be!"

"How'd that turn out anyway?" Asuka wondered as she noticed a strange menu among the many readouts littering her Heads Up Display, "They didn't get anywhere with you, did they?"

"Not bloody likely!" Mari laughed as she found something nice and shiny (and rather expensive) to destroy with the Sentinel's lance, "They tried to get fresh with me when their boss ordered our arrest, so I maced them!"

"That's my girl," Asuka laughed as she realized the new menu was referring to an experimental internal engine the half-completed Evangelion had equipped, "Hey, Mari. You'll never believe what they got installed in this thing."

"Hopefully a automatic teapot that can make a decent cup of Earl Grey!" came the reply as explosions were heard over the comm.

"No. They got an S2 Engine stuck in this thing!"

"Wot the bloody 'ell is an S2 what-not?" the brunette shot back.

The girl's witty banter was suddenly interrupted as incredibly loud and annoying alarms started to howl all over the base. Seconds later, a new view screen popped up in both cockpits and the two girls found themselves staring at the face of Commander Harris, still dressed in his best uniform and looking rather unhappy.

"What the hell do you want?" Asuka shouted at him.

"Ladies," the man said with look that suggested that he had just bitten something very sour, "I need your help with a small problem."

"Why the hell should we?" Mari spat back at the view screen, "You tried to kill us you bloody slogger!"

"Yeah!" Asuka threw in, "We don't deal with SEELE lapdogs!"

The commander looked a bit sheepish but swallowed his pride and said, "You really should listen to what I have to say, because no matter who we might be working for, there is one thing we can all agree on."

"And what might that be?" Asuka said smugly as she started Unit-04 out of its cradle in the most expedient fashion, which is to say she had it rip its way free of the construction gantry and safety locks, making a glorious mess of the surrounding cages in the process.

"We are all sworn to stop the Angels at any cost, right?" he replied with a worried look.

The two girls shared a look over their view screens and then Asuka looked the older man straight in the eye and snarled, "Are you telling us you've been hiding an Angel on this base?"

The man looked surprised and then gathered his wits for a second before replying, "I should have known better than to beat around the bushes with you, Miss Sorhyu. Yes, you are correct. And it just broke free of our control three minutes ago. And seeing as how you two have managed to destroy everything else on the base that might have been able to stand up to it, you two are our only hope of stopping it."

"Mein Gott En Himmel! What are you people, idiots?" the fiery red-head gasped as she heard a loud explosion from deeper in the complex.

"You blokes have got to be shagging me, wot?" was Mari's typically British view on the subject, then she growled, "Nyaa! We better be getting hazard pay fer this, ya bloody wanker!"

**/Far Below The Geofront/**

"Why me?" the spectacled girl asked no one in particular as she set her book down to look at the artifact. It was very different now, the human features were being drawn into stark relief as she watched liquid gold flow across the surface of the sculpted face. The girl was torn, the changes were happening too fast! She should have had another three or four hours before it reached this far!

"The Commander isn't going to like this. I have to report…" she said as she stood up to head for the door, but before she could take more than a step she heard something...move...on the pedestal! Eyes wide, she turned to look, only to find another pair of gold-flecked eyes open and stare back at her.

Then the golden head on the pedestal spoke in a soft, melodious voice, "Listen and heed! These are the words of The Truth That Was Hidden…"

The girl sighed and adjusted her glasses, "Oh fiddlesticks! Why do you always have to wake up on my shift?"

**To be Continued…..**

A/N: Ewwww, that was very naughty of me, wasn't it? Bwahahahah...

It took a hell of a lot longer to write than I expected, but once I added Mari to the mix it came together rather nicely. And if the character of Chase Magnum sounds vaguely familiar its because the character is largely based on Phillip Blackwood, the character Tom Selleck plays in "Her Alibi". Long time Eva fic fans probably remember a similar OC from several years back, and yes, the similarities are intentional. Makes it more fun to abuse Chase that way, don't you think?

As for the Director's Cut of this episode, I had to change the timing on a few scenes, added the parts about the girl in the basement (trust me, its important), Dinner with Gendo was extended and some dialogue was changed. As before, the last thing I want is to change things to the point we end up with a completely new story, I just have to change some stuff to make sure the story I want gets told.

Stayed tuned for the next exciting episode of Useless Trivia!

Coming up next: Kaji gets to the bottom of the secret buried beneath the desert, Chase Magnum gets out of jail, Rei discovers what is hidden beneath the Geofront, we met some new faces, and Asuka and Mari fight for their lives as all hell breaks loose in Nevada!

The "Sacrilege of EVA" continues in Useless Trivia Episode 07: The Alpha Protocol!

Easter 2013


	7. Chapter 7: The Alpha Protocol

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Evangelion, I just write stuff about it. (Some of it is even good…)

**Author's Note**: The Director's Cut is finally done and we can now proceed with the good stuff!

Before we begin, I need to let old fans of the fic know that some changes were made in the earlier chapters that affect what is to follow. You really should go back and read at least Chapter 6 of the Director's Cut or you won't know what is happening with the Girl in the Basement (she's kind of important). The rest is pretty much unchanged, although a lot has been added in, some new scenes and a lot of new dialogue and such. And seeing as it has been a year since most of you have read it, I hope you'll go back and refresh your memory before we find out what happens in Area-51.

And now, let the madness begin again!

**Useless Trivia**

By Species247

**Episode 07: The Alpha Protocol**

The city of Tokyo-3 was slowly coming to life for another morning, her residents mostly oblivious to events going on several time zones away in America. Shops were opening. People were gathering and beginning their commutes to work. Children were rising and getting ready for another day of school. The Tokyo LOOP Line was already running, its trains slowly filling with passengers as its network came fully online for the impending crush of rush hour to hit in an hour or so. The tall, thin half-moon towers of the Tokyo-3 Power Systems turned to present their mirrored surfaces to the sun as it rose majestically over the mountains surrounding the Hakone valley.

Sunrise was at 06:26.

Far overhead, a communications satellite beamed 200 channels of bilingual programming down to the residents of the city and millions of their neighbors across the Pacific Rim. But embedded within the normal signals it transmitted was a new heavily encrypted one that was the cause of a great deal of unusual activity within the heart of the city's principle employer. While most of NERV remained on normal hours and was unaware of anything out of the ordinary, deep inside the Geofront, the Secondary Bridge was fully manned and operational. The hand picked crew had been at their stations for hours already, awaiting receipt of the signal they needed to hopefully unlock the secret of the mysterious rumors which had recently come out of the Second Branch in America.

That signal arrived at 05:19 AM thanks to the actions of the Second Child; Asuka Langley Sorhyu.

The time was now 06:45 AM local time and the Secondary Bridge was abuzz with purposeful activity as annalists and intelligence officers from Section-9 poured over the take from the bug tapped directly into the other base's MAGI network. The data they were receiving was solid gold in terms of intel. But it was soon to come at a terrible price…

**/NERV HQ/Secondary Bridge/**

Lieutenant Maya Ibuki had been up all night monitoring the comms traffic in hopes of being the first to witness the take from Second Branch. It wasn't due to any need to be better than her fellow Bridge Bunnies or even due to professional pride. She just did it in hopes that her sempai, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, might be able to relax and get some sleep before the place turned into a circus again. The young officer knew only too well how taxing recent events had been for her superior and teacher.

Fortunately, her actions had succeeded and the good Doctor had managed to get some sleep before Maya had paged her after the signal had been detected. Now both women were sharing the same workstation as they scanned the raw data feed from the Second Branch. Access was total. Every last secret of the operations beneath the Nevada desert was at their fingertips.

All they had to do was find the answers they were looking for. Unfortunately, the data washed across the screen in a chaotic flood of ones and zeroes. As the bug was not a full two-way link, there was no way to issue commands to the other MAGI system in order to demand the info they wanted. The data came out in a disorganized rush, forcing the annalists to cache it in their external hard drives, then go back and sort it themselves.

Fortunately, Ritsuko, and to a lesser extent Maya, was experienced in what some called "Zen Reading" of computer code. The two could just sit and watch the raw data stream, letting their eyes drift unfocused over the flow of ones and zeroes down the screen, identifying data blocks of interest almost subconsciously. Every few minutes Ritsuko's hand would move up to punch a few commands into the console, designating one of the data streams she was observing, and send that feed to the workstation of one of the subordinate annalists for more in-depth study.

The work was slow and mind-numbingly boring for most, but for Maya and Ritsuko, it was almost better than sex. Almost. The thrill, of course, was in the fact that they were privy to someone else's deepest, darkest secrets. Every hidden detail of all the projects Second Branch had ever worked on, both official and unofficial, were theirs for the taking. Even the heavily encrypted Black Files regarding the clandestine projects they had performed for SEELE were in the take. While even Ritsuko couldn't read that data until the encryptions were hacked (which would probably take the MAGI a few days), she could still judge their importance by the amount of data in those packets and their complexity.

Memos and status reports tended to be short and sweet, if entirely unreadable. Research data and project files were much larger packets of spaghetti code that promised a huge return once they had been decrypted. But despite all the security protocols and 1024-bit encryptions used by the other base, even a system as complex and advanced as the MAGI had its weak points. And Ritsuko Akagi found it at 06:59 AM.

It was a simple thing really, two different memos originating from the same server two hours apart caught her attention. Both files were of the same general size and data format, the differences being largely due to the encryption placed on the second one. Obviously, someone at Second Branch had goofed in the name of saving time and just copied the same file and saved it in the Black Server without making any changes. Big mistake. Even though the unencrypted file had gone past on the screen over ten minutes earlier, Ritsuko still saw the similarities and called it back to compare them. Maya saw it instantly once they were both on screen and actually beat Ritsuko to the punch in tapping the commands into the console to decrypt the one using the data formats of the first unencrypted file.

In seconds the encryption faded to leave a raw data document that was identical to the one it had been copied from. Maya then tapped in new commands to apply the broken encryption code to everything so far downloaded. Suddenly the Secondary Bridge was filled with gasps and sounds of delight as a dozen annalists found the unreadable data they were looking at suddenly convert into clear text.

Of course it didn't work on everything. The Rosetta Stone Ritsuko had discovered only applied to those data packets which had been filed in the Black server during the time that this particular encryption code had been in use. But it still revealed a treasure trove of information that SEELE would have killed to protect. It was less than three percent of the total encrypted download so far, with gigabytes of more data flowing in by the minute, but it was still monumental from an intelligence officer's standpoint. And in seconds it revealed the bombshell Ritsuko had been hoping for.

"Ma'am?" Lt. Aoba called from the next station, pointing to the data on his screen, "We've got it!"

Ritsuko quickly moved over to look at the information revealed to her and smiled, "Son of a bitch! They did it. A real live functioning artificial S2 Engine…"

Then everyone's attention was diverted as the raw data stream turned blood red and Second Branch's alert system went crazy as Area-51 sounded Battle Stations Level-1. Ritsuko snarled as the other MAGI confirmed the presence of an Angel. Then she pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial for Commander Ikari.

Things had just turned ugly in Nevada for Kaji and the girls.

**/Somewhere Far Below The Geofront/**

The girl with the thick glasses was frantic as she dove for the desk to grab a pencil and paper. The Golden Head was talking now and the girl had to make sure she copied down everything it said, word for word. She didn't have time to be amazed by the words it was speaking, or the fact that something that normally looked like the bust of a pretty young woman sculpted out of pure gold was now fully animate, looked like a real person painted in gold leaf and was speaking Japanese like a Shakespearian actress. Oh, no! She had to make sure she wrote it down exactly and then report it to the Commander ASAP!

She really didn't need to get her ass kicked for failing her duty to the Order.

Her scribbles were barely legible but that didn't matter so long as she could still read them. It only took two minutes for the Head to finish speaking and the girl then took a moment to reread what she'd written. Satisfied that she'd managed to copy the message exactly, she got up to run for the door, only to be stopped in her tracks as the Head spoke once more.

"Ya know? You really need ta get out more," it said to her without the theatrical accent. Instead it now sounded more like a Californian Valley Girl for some reason.

"What?!" the girl blurted out in shock. This was the first time the ancient artifact had actually gone and spoken to her directly, "Why do you say that?"

"Girlfriend, yer too pale!"

The girl raised a hand to readjust her glasses and recover her wits, then took another look at the Golden Head. It was smiling at her!

"I'd love to stay and chat Sophia, but I gotta go!" the girl said as she ran to the door and reached for the cord next to it. She yanked on it vigorously several times and a bell could be heard ringing in the distance. Then the girl stood and waited for a minute before there was a knock. She unlocked the door and pulled the other person into the room.

"Thanks Mana! Tag, you're IT!" and then she ran out the door and down the hall before the other girl could do anything to stop her.

Mana Kirashima brushed a stray lock of dark brown hair from her face as she closed and locked the door, "Geez! Why do you always have to wait to the last minute to take a potty break?! I swear..."

Then the girl turned to go sit at the desk, and stopped dead in her tracks.

"We really need to stop meeting like this, Playa…" the Head said happily from atop the pedestal.

Mana blinked in surprise and then sighed as she walked over to the chair, "And I always thought you'd be taller…"

"Touche!" the Head replied with a wink, switching to a French accent now, "Well played!"

The girl with the glasses ran through the halls of the subterranean cavern, hardly noticing the rough cut stone and carved arches as she passed. She had no time to dally as she raced past the sleeping quarters or the small mess hall she and the others often shared when on duty down here. It took nearly two minutes at full speed before she crossed the yellow and black stripes painted on the floor of the cave indicating the edge of the Dead Zone that rendered all high-tech and electrical devices to fail. She ran straight to the MAGI terminal fixed to the wall, swiped her ID card and punched in a six-digit code to place the call she needed to make.

She only had to wait a few seconds for the secure line to connect and another two seconds before the Commander answered.

"Sir? Its Mayumi. I have an urgent message from Sophia…"

**/NERV HQ/Above The Secondary Bridge/**

Despite the early hour, Gendo Ikari was already at his station overlooking activities on the Auxiliary Bridge as Maya and Ritsuko monitored the feed from the bug Asuka had planted in Branch-2's MAGI network. He was justifiably worried by the news of an Angel attacking the base and had ran out the door only half dressed when Ritsuko had called him with the news. As eager as he was to see just what the other NERV branch was up to, he wasn't prepared to lose two pilots or Chief Inspector Kaji in the crossfire. He was still going over what little details they had and trying to determine exactly what action to take when the Red Phone began to ring. Gendo had the sudden, and uncomfortable, feeling that the decision had just been made for him. He picked it up without hesitating and answered, "Report."

The young girl on the other end was out of breath from her run and it took her a full minute to make her report. But with every word, Gendo's eyes grew wider as he digested what she said. The last item she imparted was a bombshell.

"She said what?" he asked in shock. Then once she repeated it, "Understood. I need you to report to the Transfer Hub and stand by to brief the Colonel when she arrives with the Third Child. Tell Her Majesty we'll be launching Unit-Alpha."

Gendo ended the call and then hit the speed-dial for Colonel Katsuragi. When she answered, all he said was, "We have a situation. I need you to take the Third Child to the Alpha immediately. You'll be briefed in route. Disregard the standard protocols. Time is of the essence..."

**/NERV Second Branch/SEELE Secret Laboratory/**

Yolanda Jackson didn't consider herself to be all that brave. Growing up in Detroit, Yolanda had learned to hate violence in all its forms and vowed to live a peaceful life far from the gangs. All she ever wanted was to be the first of her family to graduate from a university, find a ridiculously well-paying job in bleeding-edge science, find a handsome (if not too bright) man who didn't mind marrying a fine, well-educated black woman, such as herself, and raise 2.5 kids in a nice two story house in a nice neighborhood. Was that too much to ask?

When she had first been scouted out of MIT by a recruiter for DARPA, she had hopes of getting to work on some of the hot projects in Stealth technology or energy production. It never occurred to her that she might end up part of a project involving the capture and study of a giant alien life form deep beneath Area-51. She had gone along with it, hoping the work would provide a strong springboard for her studies in biotechnology and possibly lead to something big, like tenure at the UCLA College of Applied Sciences. She had been willing to overlook all the secrets and implications of the work she was being made to do.

All that changed when her secret employers brought in the two kids in the tank.

Imprisoning an alien being (especially a totally butt-ugly one) in the name of science didn't bother her much. But holding two teenage children in stasis as part of the experiment was beyond acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do about it. The contracts and agreements she had signed were iron-clad and backed by the National Security Agency. Breathing a word of her work to others outside the project was pretty much a death sentence. Two of her former colleagues were already serving life sentences in a federal Super-Max for talking about their work over dinner in Las Vegas, in public.

So Yolanda had determined to swallow her misgivings and soldier on, finish her work at Area-51, and get the hell out of Dodge. She was determined that she would be more careful in choosing her next employment and find something else that didn't present a moral quandary like her current one did. That was the plan.

Then, five minutes ago, the shit hit the fan.

When the scruffy-looking, yet handsome, Japanese man had burst into the lab with weapon drawn, Yolanda had been just as surprised as anyone else in the room. And just as scared. Her brilliant mind kind of went blank in the face of implied violence and she raised her hands in submission along with the rest of the eggheads on the team. Then things really took a turn when the project's Men In Black burst into the lab with even more guns and started to shoot the place up.

The twenty-six year old woman from south Detroit was among the first to hit the deck and scramble for cover as the bullets started to fly. Several of her teammates ran for the exits, and the woman found herself joining the exodus. But something made her stop at the door as she realized the probable consequences of the violence erupting behind her. Her instincts screamed for her to flee for her life, she knew that she was as good as dead if she stayed.

She took a quick look back even as she prepared to follow her fleeing comrades down the hall. Suddenly her eyes were drawn to the tank of green fluid as two poorly aimed bullets cracked the glass. Yolanda stopped in mid flight as she realized that the two teens were still trapped inside. She might not be all that brave, but something inside her refused to let her leave the kids behind.

Despite her fear, she turned and started moving back into the lab.

Kaji waited for his chance to return fire as the Section-2 goons poured lead into the consoles surrounding his position. His day was steadily going downhill and now that the entire base was alerted to his actions, it was time to get the girls and find a way out of this mess. The fact that SEELE had an Angel (a ridiculously butt-ugly one at that) held captive not ten meters away from him made things that much more difficult.

Then he corrected himself. They had HAD a captured Angel. Past tense.

The rounds slamming into the computers and workstations around him had done a wonderful job of releasing the bonds holding the creature in stasis. Suddenly the shooting stopped as the Angel roared and the entire facility shook as it broke free. Kaji risked a glance over the console to find his enemies staring in horror at what they had unleashed. He considered whether to go ahead and take them out while they were distracted, then risked a look back at the Angel, and dove for the floor.

A split second later the room was filled with light as the Angel fired a blast of energy at its former captors. The screams of the Section-2 agents was drowned out by the explosion that killed them. Shrapnel filled the air as the flash died away and Kaji grunted as his ears nearly burst from the over-pressure from the blast.

Kaji shook off the effects of the explosion and drug himself to his feet, amazed that he was still alive. A quick glance into the containment facility confirmed that the butt-ugly Angel had torn its way through the wall and escaped deeper into the base. Safe for the moment, Kaji looked to see if there was anything of value left salvageable. One look around pretty much confirmed the entire lab was completely trashed.

"Someone help me!" he heard a woman cry out despite the ringing in his ears.

Moving toward the other side of the ruined lab, Kaji quickly found a pretty black woman in a torn and partly burned lab coat working desperately to remove debris from around the naked bodies of the two children who had been in the tank. The scruffy agent bent down to help and the two soon had both former captives free of the rubble. A quick check showed that both teens were largely unhurt despite the explosion that had shattered their former prison.

"Take her," Kaji said to the lab tech, pointing to the young girl lying unconscious, "We have to get out of here before that Angel brings this whole facility down on top of us."

"Wait," the woman said as she lifted up the girl, "Who are you?"

"Name's Kaji," he replied as he picked the boy up and slung him over his shoulder, "I work for NERV HQ. I'll explain everything later, but we have to move. _Now_!"

"Right!" Yolanda answered as they both got up and started heading for the door, "My name's Yolanda, by the way. Yolanda Jackson."

"Charmed. How much do you know about all this?" Kaji asked as he reached the door and checked the hall, "Can you tell me what these kids are doing here like this?"

"I'm not really sure," the woman replied as she followed him out of the lab and down the hall, "They brought them in from another Branch. Supposedly they helped to somehow absorb the radiation given off by the primary test subject."

"You mean the Angel," Kaji stated flatly.

"Yes."

Kaji was tempted to press his line of questioning, but then three more Section-2 agents appeared in the intersection behind them and opened fire.

The chase was on.

**/Deeper Inside Second Branch/**

"Alright Mari, ready for this?" Asuka asked her friend as they met up in one of the main tunnels.

"Yup-yup!" the other replied over the video link from her commandeered Sentinel unit, "Let's get'em! Nyah!"

Asuka took another look at the other girl's Plugsuit and sighed, "That thing you're wearing is atrocious, Mari. What's with the stupid green tubes and that stupid red fish bowl helmet? It makes you look like a bug or something!"

"I know! Wretched wardrobe malfunction, isn't it? This stupid thing is crushing my boobs!" Mari huffed sarcastically, "At this rate I think I'm going to doff it only find myself back to B-cuppers!"

"That's tragic," Asuka laughed, "I feel your pain…"

[Ladies?] Commander Harris sighed over the intercom, [Could you two focus on the problem at hand? The Angel is coming up ahead. Contact in twenty seconds…]

"Easy fer you to say!" Mari sniped back, "You don't have to worry about having yer boobs crushed by this fashion disaster! I might just have a word with the bloke who dreamed up this bloody thing! See how he likes his jewels crushed, wot!"

Harris blushed.

"Contact!" Asuka called out as she saw an explosion fill the corridor ahead and readied the twin Pallet Rifles the Commander had sent her, "Unit-04 engaging!"

"Tally-ho! I'm in too, Nyah!" Mari added a moment later as her Sentinel hefted its lance and a third rifle.

As the two Units charged, the smoke cleared to give them a clear view of the target. Mari snickered as she saw the Angel at last.

"It's a bloody giant plucked chicken clucker!"

[That's your target,] Harris confirmed, [Now please, just kill the damn thing!]

"With pleasure!" Asuka grinned as Unit-04 led the charge with guns blazing.

**/A Mile Away/The Bridge/**

Senator Kinsley leaned hard against the wall as he watched Harris and his crew guiding the two pilots into to engage the Angel. He was sweating, heart racing and he was having trouble breathing. How could this happen? Everything was coming apart around him. Chang and Vlad were going to have his head once this was all over.

While it was true that Kinsley was a powerful man, no one who had held the top post in US Military Appropriations for eight years running could be called powerless, Kinsley was suddenly aware of just how small he really was at that moment. He wasn't a military man, something that the Joint Chiefs had long complained about during budget negotiations. He didn't really understand how wars were really fought, or even appreciate that people died in them. Casualties were just numbers on a report, something that happened to other people.

That kind of ignorance was one of the reasons why he had chosen to go with a cheaper alternative to full blown Evangelions for base defense at both the NERV Branches in America. And why he had only allowed for three of the units to be made for each base. That and the fact that by reporting that more of them had been constructed allowed him to do the thing he was really good at. Namely, skimming the profits and padding the books for his own enrichment.

His place at the top allowed him to become a very rich man. Even as it came at the expense of the soldiers who ended up underequipped due to his actions. It never occurred to him that his greed and ambition might come back to bite him in the ass.

Karma, like Mother Nature, is one hell of a Bitch.

Now everything was coming apart. Somehow all the precautions he'd ordered to hide the secret projects here had come undone. That Kaji bastard had managed to plant a bug right in the heart of the base MAGI, and he had no doubt that Ikari was even now drooling over the juicy details of every last secret hidden within. And now the fucking Angel was loose in the base and on a god-damn rampage! And the real bitch of it was those two girls had stolen a Sentinel and the unfinished Unit-04, destroyed the other two Sentinels and were now the only thing standing between them and complete destruction.

Keele was going to have him skinned alive.

Kinsley was trapped. He knew it was all over for him. And as a result he lost it. Big time.

"Damn it Harris! Do something! Kill them! Kill those fucking traitors! You fucking idiots!" he began to scream and rave.

Heads turned in surprise as the Senator went ape-shit on the Bridge, the smooth, professional working atmosphere of the command center now shattered by the tantrum of the man paying the bills. The Senator staggered around yelling at people at random, demanding they do things that made no sense, creating more chaos, assaulting the technicians trying to monitor the battle and disrupting the chain of command.

"Marines! Detain that asshole!" Harris yelled as Kinsley nearly threw a young female systems operator out of her chair, "Get that shithead off my Bridge!"

Kinsley struggled as the marines piled in on him, but the issue was never in doubt. In seconds they had him restrained and began dragging him bodily from the command center. Harris immediately put the Senator out of his mind and moved to get his people focused on the battle at hand.

That little outburst had already cost them.

**/Back To The Battlefield Beneath The Desert/**

The chicken Angel roared in pain as Asuka neutralized its AT Field and proceeded to hose it down yet again with her two Pallet Rifles. Mari joined in from the side to catch it in a crossfire as the HEAP ammo tore bloody chunks out of its feather-less carcass to create shrapnel resembling Cajun style hot wings to rain down on the floor of the huge tunnel. The beast's eyes glowed bright for a second and Unit-04 went into a roll to avoid the beam that shot out at it. Despite the near miss, and the fact that Asuka had her own AT Field cranked to max level, the fiery German could still feel the heat of it as it shot past to blow a new EVA-sized doorway in the wall of the tunnel behind her.

Even as Asuka was coming back up with guns blazing, the mutant chicken was already turning its gaze on the Sentinel, and the ungainly four-legged mecha was not built to perform the kind of acrobatics that Asuka could do in Unit-04. All Mari could do was try to beat it to the punch and stab it with her lance before it could fire.

She almost made it.

A split-second was all the difference, but it was the chicken clucker that won out. The green Sentinel took the full blast dead center of her AT Field. The Field absorbed most of it, but the blast still cut through to explode across the heavily armored chest. Mari gasped as she had the wind painfully knocked out of her and the Sentinel was sent flying back through the wall behind her in a tangled mess.

Asuka charged the monster from behind and avenged her friend with a powerful kick between the legs that sent the Angel tumbling down the corridor squealing in pain for its crushed 'Manhood'. The monster slammed into the walls and bounced right off like it was in a pinball machine, legs and arm/wings flailing crazily as it went. Asuka took a quick glance at the video link to see that Mari was alive and struggling to get back in the game before she moved to press the attack.

By the time Unit-04 had made it half way down the tunnel, chicken-zilla was stumbling back to its feet, rubbing its damaged groin with a burned, stubby wing and turning to fire again. The tunnel echoed with a thunderous explosion as the two titans collided.

"Can't breath!" Mari gasped as she fought to get her Sentinel vertical again. After a few seconds the spunky Brit reached up behind her back and yanked down on the zipper of the hideous green and silver Plugsuit to allow her generous chest some relief as she gulped for air, "So much better!"

The hideous suit was obviously not built for someone with a generous set of lungs.

The sounds of battle had moved on and she was thus a bit surprised when a bullet bounced off the view screen in front of her. Annoyed, she turned to see over a dozen figures on a catwalk about a hundred meters away down the tunnel. Zooming in on the firefight, she was happy to see a familiar face.

"Ahoy! Mr. Kaji! I was looking for you!" Mari sang out over the PA system. Kaji, however, wasn't in much of a position to respond as he and someone who looked like a lab tech were currently pinned down by a number of heavily armed marines and Section-2 thugs.

"Tsk,tsk…" the girl sighed as she raised her AT Field and sent the Sentinel racing down the tunnel toward them, "I just can't leave you alone for a second, can I?"

The gunmen suddenly stopped their attack as the giant green war machine bore down on them like a charging rhino, and several dropped their guns and tried to make a run for it. But Mari was just a little bit too pissed off from being shot earlier and laughed like a hyena as she pointed the massive Pallet Rifle at them and pulled the trigger.

Three gigantic 300mm HEAP shells turned that section of catwalk to smoking scrap metal and bloody gore as Mari drove the green mecha up next to where Kaji and the pretty black woman were dug in.

"You blokes look like you could use a ride, wot?" Mari said happily as the Sentinel came to a stop next the catwalk.

"Jeez, Mari," Kaji called back as he got up and lifted the body of a naked boy up in his arms, "You sure know how to make a bloody mess!"

"Sorry, sorry! Get in!" she laughed back and then turned the unit to standby mode as she popped the Entry Plug.

"I take it she's a friend of yours?" Yolanda asked as she watched the back hatch pop open and the Plug unscrewed itself.

"You could say that," the scruffy rogue replied as he headed for the entry hatch as Mari unlocked it, "Like I said. Long story, Miss Jackson. But the way things are going, it's a hell of a lot safer in there with her."

"Welcome aboard, Old Boy!" Mari announced as she opened the hatch and reached her hands out to help Kaji lift the boy into the Plug, "Please have yer tickets ready and mind the gap! Next stop, Piccadilly Square. Yup-yup!"

**/NERV HQ/Central Dogma/**

Rei was a little bewildered as she followed her guardian to the main elevator bank in the headquarters building. While Misato had told her that it wasn't due to an Angel attack, the older woman was still moving as if it were a matter of life and death. Once inside the cab, Misato held up her hand to stop anyone from joining them as she swiped her ID card through the reader. The doors closed and she punched in a four digit code. Rei was startled as the elevator suddenly began moving down faster than she had ever experienced. Short of the EVA catapults, that is.

"You didn't tell me where we are going," Rei said after she regained her balance.

"Its called Hidden Dogma," Misato replied as she stood steadily with her arms folded across her chest, "And when we get there, you're going to see some things that might seem really strange to you. I don't seem to recall you mentioning any of it in your report at least."

"Hidden Dogma? Never heard of it," the young girl mused as the elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened, "I don't remember hearing about a Hidden Dogma in the anime."

"That's because its hidden, Silly!" a new voice popped up as the doors finished opening.

Rei stepped out to find herself face to face with a slightly familiar teenage girl in her school's uniform with long black hair, thick rimmed glasses, cute face and a rather flat chest. Rei closed her eyes to focus her thoughts. Then her eyes snapped open as it came to her.

"You're Mayumi Yamagisha, right?"

"That's right!" the new girl replied in surprise, "I didn't think you remembered me from class. I sit on the other side from you and the Class Rep and we never did get a chance to talk."

"Really?" Rei asked puzzled, "I don't remember seeing you."

"Huh?" Mayumi replied with some confusion, "Then how do…"

Misato looked down at her charge with an arched brow, "Don't tell me Fanboy dreamed Mayumi up for one of his stupid lemons!"

"Uh, no…" Rei paused as she realized both females were staring at her strangely, "She was featured in a video game as a love interest for Shinji. But…"

"Wait! You know Shinji-kun?!" Mayumi said happily, "Have you seen him lately? Is he coming back finally?"

"As much as I'd love to let you two sit and gossip like old friends, we're on the clock here," Misato broke in and led the two toward another elevator.

"Oh, right," Mayumi said with a blush. Then her eyes popped wide open as she remembered something, "Um, this is for you."

Rei reached up to take the package Mayumi offered her as they all got into the elevator and began descending once more at nearly thirty meters per second.

"What's this?" she asked as she started opening it, "Another Plugsuit?"

"Yes," the Colonel replied, "Put it on." Then she turned to Mayumi, "I'm guessing you're here to brief us in. So what's the deal anyway?"

"Um…" the other girl stammered as she looked at Rei who was in the process of stripping down, "'IT' spoke."

"Crap! Again?" the purple-haired Director of Operations replied, "Okay, lay it on me…"

Mayumi seemed a little embarrassed by the fact that Rei was now totally naked next to her but went ahead anyway, "It said; 'The Soul is freed.' Then it said that our window of opportunity is limited and that we must retrieve it before the Enemy can recapture it. It said the Warrior's way is blocked by a Dragon who must be slain."

"A dragon?" Rei asked as she started to slip into the new purple and black Plugsuit, "What's this all mean?"

"It means," Misato replied with a sigh, "That something very important has been uncovered in America by some of our friends and that we need you to go in and rescue them. And it sounds like you might have to fight an Angel to do it and we don't have any time to spare."

"Seriously?!" Rei said surprised, "Wait a second...How am I supposed to get to America if we're going down? The EVA transport is at the airport upstairs. And just how far down are we going, anyway? This thing is moving like a bullet train and we've been going for like two minutes!"

"We are going to Hidden Dogma," Mayumi answered, "That's where the Alpha is. It's the only way to get you to Second Branch in time to save them. And that means we have to go all the way down."

"How far is that?" Rei asked as she finished putting on the suit, hit the button on her wrist and made it conform to her figure. Mayumi just stood there blushing as she could not help but admire how well the suit helped shape the other girl's figure.

"Ten kilometers," Misato replied, tapping her feet impatiently, "It's a ten minute trip."

"Oh," Rei said sheepishly, "Wow, that's far."

**/NERV Second Branch/**

Senator Kinsley's eyes were wide in shock and fear. He knew his fate was sealed. His failure was complete. That realization made him relax, his struggles stopped as the marines handcuffed him and made ready to drag him off of the Bridge. But there was one last glimmer of hope for the man.

When Lorentz Keele had first brought him into SEELE all those years ago, he had told Kinsley that the secrets he would learn as a member could never be shared with anyone. That he must never divulge a single word of it or else the Council would be forced to hunt him down and make him suffer a fate worse than death. To that end, Keele had given him a gift; a suicide capsule disguised as a tooth.

Kinsley had accepted it, never believing that he would ever have need of such a thing. But now….

With a heavy sigh, Senator Edward Theodore Kinsley made his decision and pushed the hollow tooth out with his tongue. Moving it up between his real teeth, he took one last look around the Bridge, and bit down hard. It was the last act of a desperate man with no options left. A second later, he realized too late that Keele had played him for a fool.

The tooth was not filled with cyanide as he had been told.

The marines gasped in surprise as the Senator's body suddenly convulsed out of their grip and seemed to leap into the air. A nimbus of glowing light seemed to surround it as the flesh bulged and tore with a hideous sound. Blood sprayed everywhere as the former SEELE member began to rapidly mutate at a geometric rate as it hovered ten feet over the deck.

Commander Harris turned in horror at the first scream, unable to comprehend what he was seeing at first. Then a sensor technician next to him gasped and the Commander glanced down to look at the new data on the screen.

There was a second Blue Pattern forming.

The truth snapped Harris out of his daze, "It's an Angel!" he screamed at the marines, "KILL HIM!"

The sergeant responded instantly, his hand flashing down to draw his sidearm without any hesitation. A split second later the big Colt M1911 was up and sending .45 caliber rounds into the target. The other six armed men on the Bridge were just a second behind him. But it was a second they didn't have.

The sergeant's first three rounds hit the target's center of mass in a spray of blood. Then there was a bright orange flash, a loud "Ching!" and suddenly the Bridge erupted in panic as the unmistakable image of an active AT Field sprang into view to block the next twenty shots cold.

"Son of a bitch!" Harris cussed as he realized he was too late.

Kinsley's rapidly mutating body was growing bigger by the second, his revolting new form evolving so fast that the human eye could not keep track of the changes. And it was hideous.

The Bridge was in riot as people rushed for the doors, abandoning their posts, and fleeing for their lives. But Commander Harris knew it was too late for any of them. He turned away from the marines still blasting away at the newborn Angel and hit the button to reopen communications with the EVA Units on the other side of the base.

Commander Harris knew he was a dead man. But the fight wasn't over yet.

**/NERV Second Branch/**

"Hey Love! Ya miss me?!" Mari called out as her green Sentinel rejoined Asuka's Unit-04 in the Transfer Tunnel.

"Took you long enough! What'd you do? Stop to powder your nose?!" Asuka snarled back as one of her Pallet Rifles went dry and she changed her grip on it to use it as a club, "I could use some help here! This little bastard is tough!"

"Did I just hear the Great Asuka Langley Sorhyu admit that she needs help?" came a man's voice over the link.

"Kaji?! Is that you?" Asuka asked as she slammed her club down across the chicken's head, "Where the hell have you been?!"

"Found him and his lady friend having a wee disagreement with some of the locals a few tunnels back," Mari chimed in as she unloaded on the Angel with her own gun, "Figured they might need a lift. Got some extras in here too!"

"Schiese! That's going to put a strain on the A-10 connectors! They're extra thought noise in the matrix, you can't control the EVA very well like that!" Asuka replied as she kicked the Angel back a couple dozen meters and emptied her last rifle into it.

Then Asuka snarled as another video screen popped up near the left edge of her HUD. Colonel Harris looked back at her and his face was serious. Mari and Asuka could hear gunshots, screaming and things exploding in the background.

"Sorhyu!" the Second Branch Commander gasped as his image was partially obscured by smoke, "Senator Kinsley has turned into an Angel! Its running amok on the Bridge, and we can't stop it!" The girls watched in horror as he was knocked out of frame by an explosion. When he reappeared his face was drenched in blood, "I'm sorry Ladies. Looks like I backed the wrong horse this time. This must be some kind of contingency plan of SEELE's. Get the hell out of here while you still can. The Sentinel Hangar still has a working…"

Then, suddenly, the feed from the Bridge died abruptly in a wall of static and the two EVAs were tossed to their knees as the base was rocked by a massive explosion. The Angel roared in triumph as it felt the presence of one of its kin amidst the death cries of dozens of Lilum, then it began to advance on the fallen Unit-04. Asuka levered her EVA back to its feet just in time to meet her enemy's rush with a ten ton punch to the beak. As the Angel stumbled back, she looked to find her Pallet Rifle, only to see it bent and shattered beneath a pile of fallen girders and stone.

"Oh, yeah. This just keeps getting better and better!" she snarled as she grabbed a massive steel I-beam.

The Angel didn't even hesitate on seeing the EVA arm itself. In seconds it was charging her again. This time it was stopped short as Mari lunged in from the side and drove the Sentinel's Lance through its shoulder. The monster howled in pain and then swung its arm/wing, smashing Mari's Unit across the face and sending her crashing into the wall again.

"You bastard!" Asuka screamed as she drew her Progressive Knife and charged the Angel once again.

**/Hidden Dogma/10 Kilometers Below The Geofront/**

"Okay. So I'm supposed to pilot this Unit-Alpha thing to go to America to save Kaji and Asuka," Rei said as they exited the elevator at last.

Several heavily armed guards, not Section-2 men, greeted them as they entered Hidden Dogma and Rei couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the size of the cavern she found herself in. The chamber seemed just as big as the Geofront, maybe even bigger as the 'roof' was nearly two kilometers above them and obscured by dense clouds. Rei could hear lots of noises she had trouble making out, but a lot of it sounded like heavy industry, like she had just walked out in the middle of a busy factory. Looking back, Rei could see that the elevator bank was built into the massive base of a stone pillar that rose majestically back up to the roof far above. Above the elevator doors hung a flag bearing a red cross over a white field.

It reminded her of something she had seen before.

But as she looked back out across Hidden Dogma, she saw...

"And don't forget to save Mari Makinami too," Mayumi blurted out behind her.

"Right…" Rei agreed, 'Whoever she is…', "Hey Misato...are those ruins of some ancient castle over there?" she asked, pointing off into the distance."

"Actually," Mayumi answered as they followed Misato toward a stone railing, "That's the ruins of the palace."

"Palace?" Rei asked as she came up short behind the Colonel who was stopped in front of her, "Just what the hell is this place, anyway?"

"Take a look, Rei…" Misato said as she moved to the side to let the young pilot get a better look at her surroundings.

Rei moved up next to her at the railing and gasped in shock. The landing upon which they stood looked out over kilometer after kilometer of broken buildings, walls and rubble. It was all that remained of what once must have been one of the greatest cities of the ancient world, but as to who built it, who had lived here, or why it even existed beneath Tokyo-3, Rei had no clue.

"Oh, my _fucking_ god! What is this place?!" Rei said out loud.

"These are the ruins of the First City of Mankind, Rei," Misato said reverently, "This...is the grave of Atlantis…"

Dumbstruck, Rei could only gaze out over the ruins in awe. Misato let her take in the view for a few more seconds and then took her by the arm and led her toward a stone stairwell headed down. Mayumi followed right behind them.

"Okay," Rei said after she had regained her wits, "So there's the ruins of a legendary city hidden in the basement and somewhere down here is an Evangelion I've never seen? So just what the hell is Unit-Alpha and why haven't I ever heard of it before now?"

"The Alpha is...well…he and Lilith..." Mayumi started to try to explain.

"Unit-Alpha was the very first Evangelion, created here in Atlantis to combat the Angels during the First Angel War," Misato explained as she led them down the stairs into the bowels of the ruined city, "My father found it in Antarctica just before Second Impact. He made me pilot it in order to survive when the Impact hit…"

"Seriously?" Rei blurted out, stunned, "But I thought he tossed you into an escape pod?!"

"Oh, get real! That was just the cover story the Grand Master made up to explain how she survived! No one really believes that!" Mayumi giggled behind her, "You don't really think anyone could have survived Second Impact inside a dinky little government issue escape pod, do you?"

"Well, yeah. Actually. I did." Rei said as she tugged nervously on her ponytail.

"Think about it, Ayanami," the other girl said, "When Adam exploded, he unleashed a massive anti-AT Field. Every living thing in a one thousand kilometer radius died instantly when they got turned into Tang! The only way anyone could have survived that is if they were able to put up an EVA strength AT Field of their own."

"Well, when you put it that way…" Rei replied as she finally understood the logic.

A few minutes later Misato led them into another large cavern which had been converted into a makeshift EVA cage. Partially hidden beneath portable catwalks and scaffolding, Rei could just make out the massive form of the strangest Evangelion she could have ever imagined. It was roughly humanoid in shape, but where the EVAs were generally tall, thin and gangly, the Alpha was thick, squat and powerfully built. It reminded her of an American footballer, a lineman hunched over at the ten yard line, ready and willing to pound his opponent into the floor. But even more interesting to the girl was that the Alpha appeared to be built not out of steel and metal, but out of bone and wood, the normally smooth surfaces of the other Units armor plates were replaced on the Alpha by pieces that looked sculpted or carved of marble or ivory.

Rei stood dumbstruck, yet again, as she looked up at the sleeping giant looming above her in the half lit cavern. Misato moved off to speak to several technicians overseeing the dismantling of the scaffolds as Mayumi moved up beside Rei.

"He looks kind of pissed off. Don't you think?" she asked the young pilot.

"I think he looks amazing!" Rei said in awe, "I never imagined I'd ever see something like this."

"You act like you've never even piloted an EVA before!" Mayumi giggled.

"That's not it," Rei said as she finally tore her eyes away from the Alpha to look at the other girl, "Ever since I got here, everything I've seen or done has been pretty much like I expected. Sure, things haven't gone the way I'd hoped, and most things have just about blown up in my face. But I came here thinking I knew what to expect. But this?" Rei shook her head, "Seriously, Mayumi. I never saw this coming! And its so cool! Chase would shit his pants if he could see this...come to think of it...I'd pay money to see that!"

Mayumi laughed despite the fact that she had no clue what the other girl was talking about.

Then Rei turned to see the Colonel approaching alongside another woman in a lab coat. This new character also looked familiar to the girl.

"No fucking way! You're Ritsuko's mom!" the young pilot blurted out as the two women came closer, "Naoko!?"

"That's correct! You win a cookie!" the older woman beamed happily as she produced a chocolate chip cookie from the depths of one of her coat pockets, "And you are Miss Rei Ayanami Ikari! Its so nice to see you again Dear!"

"Don't eat that," Mayumi whispered in Rei's ear as she took the cookie, "Her Majesty can't cook. Just play along…"

"Um, have we met before?" Rei asked nervously as she slipped the cookie into her pocket.

"Oh yes! I was there when Little Gendo pulled you out of Unit...oof!" she started to say before Misato elbowed her in the ribs.

"She's not cleared for that information, Akagi!" Misato hissed.

"No, its okay…" Rei said after a moment, "I think I know what she's talking about."

"What?!" Misato squeaked in surprise, "What do you mean Rei?"

"Its just something I saw, a memory I saw, when I first synched with Mom in the Evangelion…"

"Nee-yah!" Doctor Naoko Akagi said to Misato as the Colonel turned a color of purple similar to her own hair, "Eat that, Katsuragi!"

Rei giggled at the older woman's antics, "You're not like I thought you'd be."

"You mean I'm not all dead and splattered all over the top of the MAGI?" Naoko smiled and patted the girl on the head, "Oh, I read the report you wrote on that fictional scenario the idiot fanboy gave you. It was interesting, but not really very truthful. It did make me laugh a few times though. And some days I do feel like a zombie down here..."

"Oh," Rei said sheepishly, "That's nice."

Misato slapped herself across the forehead and then took command again, "Okay people, let's focus here. Naoko, I need you to give Rei the skinny on piloting the Alpha so we can rescue Kaji and the girls from Second Branch. Mayumi, give her a hand will you? I'm going up to the control room to get this show moving."

"Yes Ma'am!" the elder Akagi replied with a sarcastic military salute. Mayumi and Rei just nodded.

"Okay Rei," Naoko said once Misato left, "The trick to using 'Old, Big and Nasty' here is to think it what you need it to do."

"Think it?" Rei repeated with a confused look as the older woman started walking toward the stairs up to the Entry Plug.

"Yes. Just imagine what you need him to do," Naoko explained as the two girls followed along behind her, "Moving, communications, targeting, whatever you need it to do. And don't try to think of walking and silly stuff like you do in Unit-01. Old Alpha here is a completely different beast. Kind of has a mind of his own. So don't try to force it. Ask him nicely and he'll do it."

"So just think of what I need him to do, and let him do it?" Rei asked seriously as they reached to the top.

"That's it!" came the reply, "Trust him. He's got your back."

Rei looked at the older woman like she was insane. Then Mayumi handed her two pillows.

"Those are so your butt doesn't get sore," the girl explained, "Alpha's seat is kind of harsh on the tushy."

"Um, thanks…" Rei nodded then turned to Naoko again, "So I just think that I need to go to Second Branch and he'll go there?"

"You might need this," Mayumi said and then handed Rei a photograph of Area-51.

"The trick to getting there fast is by using a Boson Jump," Naoko said as she helped Rei get into the unfamiliar Entry Plug, "For that to work you need to be able to see where you are and where you need to be in your mind's eye at the same time. I could try to explain how it all works, but that could take all week. So just understand that by seeing both places, the Alpha can make them exist in the same place and time for a split second."

"Sounds weird," Rei said as she tried to get the pillows into place on the seat that looked like it was carved out of marble, "But I'll try it."

"Don't try," the older woman said as she checked to make sure Rei was properly seated, "Do or do not. There is no try."

Rei looked over at Mayumi only to see the other girl give her a sympathetic shrug.

"Okey-dokey! Ready to go!" Naoko pronounced as she leaned back out of the Plug, "Now don't forget to bring back that charming young stud, Kaji, or else I fear poor old Katsuragi will die herself a spinster. You know how the poor girl works so hard. She really does need to get laid. Don't you agree?"

Rei giggled and nodded.

"Okay then! Go forth and make us proud young warrior princess!" she declared as she closed the hatch.

Rei had herself a good laugh and then thought commanded the Alpha to activate. The world seemed to turn inside out for a second and just as the girl was afraid she was going to lose her breakfast, the sensation passed and the Plug moved into position in the Alpha's back. Rei held her breath as LCL flowed in around her and she braced herself for the psychedelic lightshow of activation. Strangely, that never happened.

"That's weird," she said as the Plug went translucent around her and she felt her consciousness expand to encompass the Evangelion, "Unit-Alpha activated, are you with me Misato?"

[This is control, we read you Alpha. Alright, Rei,] Misato replied from the control room, [Remember, in order to make a Boson Jump, you have to visualize both your starting point and your target point. Understand?]

"Yes Ma'am!" Rei replied as she got serious and braced herself in the hard seat in preparation of moving out.

[Good. Then get out there and find our people. Don't let anyone get in your way. Just get in, find them, and come back here. Okay?]

"Roger that! I'm ready," Rei replied as she held up the photo and began concentrating on making the jump.

[Alright then. Begin the operation!] Misato howled, [Evangelion Unit-Alpha, Move out!]

[Good luck Rei!] Mayumi sang out.

[Bring us back a souvenir!] Naoko chimed in a moment later.

A second later there was a loud 'BAMF!' and Unit-Alpha disappeared in a shower of bright, twinkling Boson Particles as it jumped into the unknown.

**/Jump Point-Alpha/Over Area-51/**

One instant she was in Hidden Dogma, the next moment she was in the moon-lit sky high above the Nevada desert. Rei blinked away the flash from the jump only to realize she was falling. Then she remembered that the picture she had been using to visualize her jump target had been an aerial photograph.

"Well, this sucks!" she fumed as the desert floor rushed up to meet her.

Despite the fact that she had arrived onsite nearly a kilometer overhead, the fall was nothing the EVA couldn't handle and Rei landed in a crouch on the tarmac in front of a well lit aircraft hangar. The runway now had a fifty meter wide crater in it which would make it difficult for the dozens of private jets and high-tech fighters parked everywhere to escape the mayhem erupting below. But even as dozens of people were running for their planes in hope of escape, it was already too late.

Unit-Alpha rose to its feet to survey the scene as debris from its landing continued to fall around him, but moments later it was brutally obvious where the real action was taking place as a massive aircraft carrier-style elevator was blown up into the air only a few hundred meters away. Rei turned her thoughts to scanning the local radio traffic, still finding the idea of just thinking something to make it happen a little weird. Instantly her ears were filled with dozens of messages mixed with static from all over the base. Concentrating hard, she was able to filter out most of it as she focused on finding one that would help lead her to the people she had been sent to rescue.

Suddenly one jumped into focus, " Oh, yeah. This just keeps getting better and better!" came the unmistakable voice of Asuka Langley Sorhyu. The sounds of explosions and someone grunting in pain followed before she heard the red-headed German scream, "You bastard!"

Rei's eyes sprang open and she willed Unit-Alpha to move in the direction of the shattered elevator shaft. It kind of freaked her out that she could be so certain that's the direction she needed to go to find them, but Naoko had told her to trust the EVA. And despite the fact the older woman acted like a loony old bat, that's exactly what Rei intended to do. With seven long strides the ancient Evangelion was at the edge of the smoking hole leading into the depths of the base. And Rei didn't even hesitate before jumping in.

**/NERV Second Branch/The Bridge/**

The beast that was once known as Senator Edward Theodore Kinsley rose up in the wreckage of the Bridge and howled victoriously as it looked around. Its transformation complete, the newborn Angel was pleased with itself. The Lilum that had attacked it were all dead, their command center in ruins. Yet it sensed more of the vile creatures nearby, along with two of the Fallen. Then the Angel whimpered painfully as yet a Third Fallen suddenly appeared in its senses. The Third Fallen arrived in a wave of holy energy, the force of it making the Angel cringe in fear and pain.

The Angel felt threatened. Already two of its enemies were fighting against the Brother it had sensed earlier. And while the first Angel seemed to be getting the better of the two Fallen, this third one was strong enough to tip the balance. This could not be allowed. The Angel knew its duty.

Destroy the Fallen. Capture and destroy the Seed of Knowledge. Reunite with the White Moon.

First things first.

The Kinsley Angel relaxed and began to gather its energy. Its grotesque form began to glow blue with the power of its AT Field as it searched the Akashi for a weapon it could use to smite its enemies.

It found it.

Seconds later, the AT Field shifted colors and faded to black, oozing down the Angel's body like tar to pool on the floor below it. The Angel howled once more in anticipation of its victory, then began to sink down into the pool. As it disappeared the pool began to grow wider and everything it touched began to sink into it as well.

NERV Second Branch had less than five minutes before it would be completely wiped off the face of the planet by the growing Sea of Dirac.

**/NERV Second Branch/EVA Transfer Tunnels/**

Mari was starting to have second thoughts about pissing this particular Angel off by stabbing it with her lance. The beast had smacked her back into another wall and the only thing that had saved her was that Asuka had been there to beat on it before it could finish her off. Unfortunately, Mari wasn't in the best shape to return the favor.

"Mari!" Asuka yelled over the video link, "Get out of here! I'll hold it off! Just go!"

"Are you nuts?!" Mari fired back as she finally got the Sentinel back on its wheels, "I'm not leaving you!"

"Don't be an idiot!" Asuka screamed back as she traded blows with the giant-glowing-plucked chicken, "You have to get them out!"

Then both girls were startled to hear a new voice chime over their intercom, "Hold on guys! The cavalry is here!"

"What the bloody…" Mari started to say, then her attention was diverted as she saw the angel turn in her direction, "Who ever you are, you better make it snappy!"

Asuka could only watch in horror as Mari raised her lance as the Angel barreled down on her Sentinel. Then one mutated chicken wing slashed up to knock the lance away as it drove the other down through the green unit's left shoulder. Mari screamed in pain as the Angel ripped the arm holding the lance completely off in a shower of blood and gore.

"NNNOOOOOO!"

Asuka's scream echoed through the tunnels, giving the Angel the only warning it needed to turn to meet Unit-04 as it charged in from behind. The giant chicken squealed in pain as Unit-04 brought the I-beam down across its head with both hands, shattering the makeshift weapon into a thousand pieces as it drove the Angel to the floor. Then the head came back up and it was Asuka's turn to scream as its eyes filled with light as it prepared to fire.

"No!" she said as she raised the unit's hand to try to deflect the shot.

No one had imagined that Asuka's reaction to danger might be similar to Rei's in a moment like this, and only a psychic could have foretold the exact form her AT Field would take. She didn't flex it or snap it like Rei had done. Instead she focused her incredible, college graduate level, mind on taking the experiments her step-mother had been running her through in Berlin to bend the beam away using gravity.

And with the full power of an S2 Engine to back it up.

The Angel moaned in surprise as its energy beam lashed out, only to explode three meters in front of it as twenty tons of debris were shifted right into its path by fifty gravities of force moving sideways. Asuka's jaw dropped as she suddenly remembered that as cool an idea as bending the beam itself sounded, energy was incredibly hard to effect with gravity. But it did give her another idea.

The Angel clambered back up to its spindly feet, only to squeal in surprise as it was smashed right back down to the floor.

"You want the arm?! You can have the fucking arm!" Mari screamed as she proceeded to beat the giant chicken senseless with the Sentinel's bloody appendage, "Why won't you fucking die already?!"

Asuka took advantage of the distraction Mari was providing to focus on her own AT Field. She reached out with her senses to feel the gravity waves flowing around her, then nudged the S2 Engine's output to redline as she reached out with the power of her mind. Then her face twisted in an evil smile as the world around her EVA began to bend to her will.

The Angel howled and sent Mari's Sentinel flying back, gathering strength to finish her off with a powerful blast. But then it sensed some else happening and squealed in terror as it felt its physical body begin to warp and twist as Unit-04's AT Field enveloped it and the gravity around it began to push and pull in new directions. Asuka reached out with both hands toward the Angel, grasping it with her will. Then her hands began to close, crushing it as she forced the mutant chicken to feel the power of ever increasing gravity bearing down on it.

Ten G's became fifty. A hundred. Two hundred.

The Angel screamed, but its voice was swallowed in the roar of air and debris rushing into to fill the void. The giant chicken had one last moment of clarity to say, "Oh SHIIIITTTTT!", and then it was gone. Asuka's hands slammed together with a thunderous roar as she completed the act of creating mankind's first artificial black hole. A second later, as the walls around her began to tear apart and she felt herself being drawn toward the singularity, she moved her hands up and opened them, firing it up through the roof and into deep space with a gravity assist of five hundred G's.

The blast wave shattered ear drums in three states.

"Holy shit!" Mari exclaimed as she levered her broken Sentinel back onto its three remaining good wheels, "That was beautiful!"

"Thanks Mari, but I…" Asuka started to say, then she saw something behind her friend, "Look out! Behind you!"

Mari turned the Sentinel's head, but by the time she saw the huge puddle of absolute blackness reaching out for her unit, it was too late. She hit the gas, but only one wheel was spinning as the other two began to sink into the void. Then it seemed like the world just fell out from beneath her as the Sentinel began to fall into the rapidly growing Sea of Dirac.

"Asuka! It's got me! I can't move!" Mari screamed as the walls and ceiling began to collapse around her.

"Hold on Mari! I got you!" Asuka screamed back as Unit-04 jumped forward to grab the Sentinel's remaining hand, "I got you! I got…?"

Then Asuka felt herself falling forward onto her knees even as she tried to pull her friend out. It was no use, the void was entry only. No exit. Then Asuka felt bile in her throat as the edge of the Sea washed past the Sentinel's hand to take hold of Unit-04. She tried pulling again to no avail. The Sea flowed forward to drop the floor out from beneath her knees and Unit-04 tumbled head first into the darkness.

Rei was getting frantic as the Alpha raced through the tunnels to find Asuka and Mari. She could hear their fear as something happened to Mari, then Mari's transmissions cut off in mid-sentence. Now it sounded like the same thing was happened to Asuka as well. Rei urged the ancient Evangelion to greater speed.

Unit-Alpha turned into another branching tunnel and then slid to a stop right at the edge of the expanding black puddle. Rei's eyes shot wide as she immediately recognized it for what it was. Then she hissed as she saw the massive Size Two Thousand boot of Unit-04, the only thing left above Sea level, sinking fast into the tar-like substance of the Kinsley Angel. Rei reached out to grab it.

And got yanked right in on top of the disappearing EVA as a large piece of the ceiling collapsed on top of her.

"Oh, fuck me sideways…" the young pilot exclaimed as the blackness washed over her Unit.

**/NERV HQ/Above The Secondary Bridge/**

Commander Gendo Ikari sat at his command console overlooking the chaos of the Auxiliary Command Center. Hands firmly in place before his face, it was the only thing he could do to hide the growing fear inside him. He had already lost two of those he loved more than life itself. He didn't think he could survive losing a third.

But the satellite images coming in from the Keyhole orbiting North America showed that time was indeed running out for Rei, Kaji and the others. It wasn't quite like Rei had described it in her report, the base wasn't being destroyed in a giant flash of light like an explosion. The massive black Sea of Dirac was taking its time swallowing the base and every living soul in it. And the Sea was generating an EMP storm of such magnitude that they had lost the signal transmitting the secret data out of the Second Branch's MAGI system.

They couldn't even get a signal through to contact Rei in the Alpha.

The Commander reached for the Red Phone and hit the speed dial. The answer he got from the Director of Operations as to whether Rei had returned yet was negative. Gendo set the phone back in its cradle and resumed his vigil, hands firmly folded in front of him, that and his dark glasses served well to hide any trace of his growing worry.

**/In The Sea Of Dirac/**

Rei was getting desperate. She couldn't see anything outside her cockpit and if it weren't for the fact that she could still feel her hand holding tight to the boot of the other EVA, she would have easily believed herself alone in the void. Even her knowledge of Neon Genesis Evangelion was of little help in this situation.

Sure she remembered how Shinji had escaped, and she had even willed the Alpha to rip its way free of the Angel in every way she could imagine. But it didn't seem to be working. Maybe she really did need to be near death to compel the ancient EVA to save her life.

Not that she expected that to work. The Alpha seemed to possess an S2 Engine and some kind of life support system that was well beyond the one in Unit-01. Rei had the feeling that the Alpha could keep her alive for decades if need be. That didn't help at all.

She couldn't seem to get the Alpha to Boson Jump again either. But that didn't surprise her as much as she expected it would. There was nothing to see around her and that made it near impossible to visual her starting point in order to trigger the Jump. It felt like she had been fighting to escape this trap for hours now, and the girl was really getting tired from it. Oh well, at least she tried.

'Do or do not,' she remembered Naoko tell her, 'There is no try.'

"Gee, thanks for the useless trivia, Yoda," she yawned in disgust, "That just helps gobs, you loony old hag!"

'I won't run away…' she heard a voice whisper, 'All the EVA does is bring me pain…'

"No shit, Shinji," she said sleepily as she stretched her arms out in the small space of the cockpit, "This is definitely the kind of shit that's right up your alley."

'Use the Force Luke!' she heard Alec Guinness say, 'Let go…'

'Too old this one,' Yoda said, 'Yes. Too old to begin the training…"

"I don't fucking believe this…" the girl said with another mighty yawn, "I'm getting lectured by a Muppet?"

'That is why you fail,' came the reply.

"Whatever you say, you talking frog.." Rei whispered back as she started to drift off, "Live long and prosper…"

'Concentrate!' the Muppet scolded her, 'Focus not on your surroundings! Feel the Force flowing through you!'

A sleepy Rei just nodded her head as her thoughts began to drift away.

'I see your Schwartz is as big as mine…' Dark Helmet added a moment later.

"Yep…" Rei agreed with a dreamy giggle.

Then Rei heard a voice she had hoped to never hear in her head ever again say, "Hey Darling. I can see your panties!"

For a brief instant Rei had a moment of complete and total clarity of mind. The haze of near sleep and approaching dream state was battered away brutally as she came up fighting, eager to put the hurt on her former mental contamination. As she returned violently to full consciousness, she fully expected to see the target of her rage in front of her, in familiar surroundings. Right there in front of her so she could beat the living crap out of him.

It wasn't the best set up the author could think up, but it was good enough for government work.

The transition from the no-mind Zen state of near sleep and the sudden belief that one Mr. Chase Magnum was right there and in dire need of a beat down was more than enough to trigger the Jump.

BAMF!

The blackness of the Void was suddenly filled with a rapidly expanding constellation of twinkling Boson Particles where the three EVAs had been seconds earlier.

**/NERV HQ/Above The Secondary Bridge/**

Fifteen minutes had passed since Second Branch had been completely swallowed by the Sea of Dirac, leaving nothing but a crater in the Nevada desert six miles wide. The Bridge crew was still in shock, and Commander Ikari was getting very worried now. Gendo reached for the Red Phone for the fifth time in twenty minutes.

Then alarms went off all over the Bridge.

"Report!" the Commander bellowed as he came up out of his seat.

"Disturbance in the Fourth Cage, Sir!" Maya immediately shouted back.

The Commander swiftly retook his seat and punched a command into his console to bring up the video feed from the cameras overlooking the EVA hangar in question. His eyes widened as he saw the newly freed Fanboy held in the grip of what appeared to be an extremely pissed off Unit-Alpha.

[What the hell did you say about my panties?! You little hentai freak!] he heard his daughter screaming over the audio pick up.

"Cancel the alarm and dispatch security and medical teams to the Fourth Cage," the Commander ordered with a smile as he cut the link and rose from his chair, "Doctor, if you'll accompany me? I believe our young warrior has returned…"

**/Ikari Estate/Hokkaido Japan/**

Former Prime Minister Akira Ikari leaned back in his leather bound chair, his face drained of all color as he digested the news being reported on the widescreen TV across the room. The large, finely appointed office suddenly seemed not unlike a funeral parlor as he stared in horror at the image of the smoking crater where Area-51 had once been. He wanted not to believe it, but the reality was right there. Second Branch was completely destroyed with no survivors.

That meant his grandson was dead.

The elder Ikari felt the tears running down his face as he grieved. How could this have happened?

Then he leaned forward and reached for the manila envelope sitting on the massive oak desk. He opened it and pulled out the eight by ten photo that sat on top of the report. Holding it up, he stared with bleary eyes at the picture of the young girl it featured.

Her elven face was framed by an unruly mess of dark brown hair, pulled back into a braided tail that looped over one shoulder. She looked cute in her school uniform, much the way all young women do at that age. Despite the rather pissed off look on her face.

"So much like your Mother…" he mused as he finally smiled wearily.

Akira closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He could now feel his age in a way he had not in years. It was the same way when Yui had been taken. And Shinji.

He felt shame.

Suddenly he realized the reason why his daughter had turned on him. He could see how his actions had led to the destruction of his bloodline. He regretted that he had done nothing to save his grandson after the Council had issued the order for his capture. He should have done something when they chose to use him as a hostage against Gendo.

Now it was too late.

He opened his eyes to look at the photo once more. So much like her Mother, this Rei. His grandchild. The last of his line.

He sighed once again as he made his decision, then leaned forward and reached for the phone on his desk.

"Mori? Please ready my private jet. I have an appointment to keep in Tokyo-3."

**/Down In The Basement/**

Mana was starting to get tired. Sophia had refused to return to her inanimate form this time and was still going on about two guys she had known back in the Middle Ages. As fascinating as the history lesson was, and juicy gossip at that, it had been going on for hours now. It was kind of like listening to the old sensei spout off about his life before Second Impact.

"So…" Mana said with a yawn, "What did he do after that?"

"Oh, Pierre was cool about it!" the Golden Head replied happily, "He didn't rat his friend out to the Grand Master or anything like that. But Jean Luc did get his buddy to set him up with his sister."

"Wasn't that going against their vows?" Mana asked, intrigued, "He could have gotten expelled for that."

"Yeah, but you forget the Order never really was that harsh on its own," came the reply in the melodious voice, "Mostly it was just a show for the religious nuts in the Church. The Brothers actually got away with a lot of things...At least until the Inquisition came down on them."

"Right, my bad," the girl nodded in agreement, "And people wonder why we haven't gone public since then…"

Then the Head went on to detail just exactly Jean Luc did with Pierre's younger sister, a story that left Mana blushing, and rather excited, as she listened. But despite the juicy tale, the girl was still annoyed a little bit.

'Jeez, why does she always want to gossip on my shift?'

**To Be Continued….**

Wow…..Now maybe you can forgive me for not updating in over a year.

When I first came up with the idea for Useless Trivia, I wanted to tie it into a conspiracy that was deeper even than the original series. Unfortunately I also tried to hold back on spilling the beans too early, and ended up with a story that would have contradicted itself once the big secrets started to come out. Then I started to let the characters tell the story and they ended up moving things toward the big reveal faster then I expected.

In the end, I knew I had to let the readers in on at least some of it as I tried to write this chapter. Unfortunately that meant I needed to go back and add a bunch of stuff in the Director's Cut as foreshadowing or else I'd lose everybody in a mass of orange Tang. I hope you enjoyed it.

But that doesn't mean I've told you everything. Not even close. But rest assured that the answers are coming here in the next few chapters. And it looks like everybody has finally shown up to fill out the cast. History buffs and conspiracy theorists should have a field day with this chapter, but trust me, we've only just started to peel back the onion.

So stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Useless Trivia: Chapter 08 Family Trees! I promise it'll be worth it!


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